Why would someone ask you something like this?

[Frrrightattendant]

Ok, have had very old friend here (I mean we go back a long way) he is a bloke and he fancies me.

I have uncertain feelings about him/a relationship with him, but we have ahd the odd kiss the last couple of days, he is staying at his mum's up the road for a family thing.

Anyway he is kissing me a minute ago (gone now, going back home later so won't see for a few months)

He stands and looks at me and says 'you don't have any health problems at the moment do you?'

I am kind of offended and bemused by this, think about it for a second, and say 'No...why?'

he makes up some nonsense about staying in a house full of women who are always discussing their health problems. I don't believe him and think he has either heard some gossip perhaps? which is weird as I have only ever had one vaguely serious thing and that was a year ago...can't remember if he knew about it or not. And it's fine now.

I feel really uncomfortable suddenly.

Any ideas?

[Frrrightattendant]

btw partly I feel anxious about it as the thing I had was spoken about to people by my mother, and I have been asked in a very subtle way whether I am better or not, since then, by someone else...which yes I did find quite insulting/upsetting as it was obvious he didn't want to risk catching it. It's actually very hard to catch and very unusual and I was very careful anyway with hygiene to the point of OCD.

Just makes me feel really unhappy that someone might avoid me because they think they could catch something I had a year ago.

or thinks I have somehow lied to him? I dunno...

[norksonmywitchesbroomstick]

Has he previously been in a relationship, where his partner was ill. It can be draining, and he may not wish to start a relationship, if that is a possibility

[GrapefruitMoon]

He could just be concerned about you but not be sure that you know he knows you were ill a year ago? Maybe he feels you should have told him at the time? Or wants to check yuo are ok now without admitting he has heard some gossip.

Or else he doesn't want to get further involved with someone who might get seriously ill?

[ABitHaloweenBatty]

Maybe he is paranoid worried about getting swine flu or something? Has OCD? Or maybe he is about to whisk you away on a balloon adventure holiday where you need fitness and stamina

[AlaskaNebraska]

did oyu smell bad?

[Frrrightattendant]

No previous relationship with ill person...no swine flu, he knows ds1 has a cold atm, this was 'health problems' rather than illness iyswim, I mean he sounded like he meant long term.

I don't know if I mentioned it to him last eyar, but I didn't even see him while it was going on - he wasn't visiting at all, so it wasn't necessary. We had very little contact really and I didn't want to discuss it as it was embarrassing and not very nice.

His mum might have heard about it from my mum sometime and just assumed it was something to worry about.

Ah Ok have had a phone call. I texted to ask if he had heard something and he rang and laughed at me and said 'No he knows nothing about any of that, he was just looking at me thinking 'Flight looks GREAT!' and thought it was unusual and would check there was nothing wrong with me.

he said it is because he loves me on the inside and out and was being caring and loving.

He does sometimes say strange things. Peculiar bastard. I might have to maryr him now

[Frrrightattendant]

Thought he said 'grey' initially rather than great. Thatw as worrying.

[Frrrightattendant]

Does this all sound in any way plausible?

[BudaBones]

Not sure if it sounds plausible tbh. Surely if you think someone looks great then you just say "you look great!"?

[Frrrightattendant]

well that is what I would have done.

I am now even more confused. Does he think I am stupid as well as grey?



Glad you got house btw!!!

[Alibooobaandthe40phantoms]

That sounds thoroughly weird. If you are old friends then I would just come out with it and say 'look you are really freaking me out, what the hell is going on?'

Otherwise you will be stressing about it for ages.

[Frrrightattendant]

Yes, I tried to ask but he got nervous and just made it all up I think.

This has happened before...I rang him one time and asked what he was up to, he just kept giggling and refused to tell me.

I felt weird about that too.

He can be very sensible and clear but other times he is like a weird teenage boy who doesn't understand normal social behaviour.

I mean he's harmless but yes it does worry me if I can't trust him to be straight with me. It brings back the reasons I've always turned him down in the past. Just feel uneasy about not being able to elicit a straight answer tbh.


I always do this - think he is being grown up and straightforward then he throws me a curve ball and I lose my footing, stop feeling safe/secure in relationship etc. It's not very pleasant really.

[Frrrightattendant]

It's just occurred to me that this could well be him having his fetish about 'women who are needy'.

I mean he likes to be submissive and to get things for you, provide you with stuff you have expressed a desire for - he used to bring me cakes and leave them in the fridge, has tried to set me up with other musicians he thinks I'd like to play with etc

Then the other week I said my favourite thing was salad and ever since he has been saying he wants to make me a salad.

I think if I had an underlying health problem, he would actually be quite pleased as he could then look after me and have a kind of awe for my haivng a special problem.

i know, freakish isn't it - but it is the most likely scenario tbh. He means no harm. But it gets boring being held up on a pedestal, he's the kind of guy who would be very pleased to be bossed around by a 'strong woman' and that doesn't sit too well with me really.

[mrsboogie]

He sounds a bit odd to be honest - I think your instincts in the past in respect of him were spot on.

[Frrrightattendant]

Thanks

he is definitely very odd. But then I am not really 'normal' I suppose.

I wish he would find a suitable wife really, then it would make me feel like I ought to say yes to him as though it were destined somehow.

He's always been like this and I have had no other offers for years. But there's no point being with someone who makes you feel unhappy or confused is there.

[BudaBones]

No point at all Frright. If you are unhappy and confused it will affect your boys.

[Frrrightattendant]

Buda, you are right and it does/will affect them. I've never slept with him, he's never even stayed the night, and I just don't think I want to be with him though there is that temptation to just give in and go for it...at least he's not an axe murderer, well one would hope not

Funnily enough another man came round a bit later on after bloke#1 had gone. He was also suggesting (as he has before) that he would like a more intense relationship, as he has indicated in the past, but I feel like I am fond of them both really, but quite happy to be friends or have a business relationship. In other words I don't love either of them.

It's nice to be admired or whatever but when it comes down to it, I need to feel actual love for someone, I mean real, abiding, can't fight it type of love, to be able to countenance a relationship involving personal commitment or sex.

Thanks for your help everyone. Feel a bit stronger now.

[Frrrightattendant]

think I must have been giving off pheromones today actually

two in one day...that never happens!!!

[BudaBones]

Flippin heck! Am jealous! TWO!!!

I know what you mean about feeling love though - it is important. BUT. If you like and get on with someone it can grow. DH was SO not my type initially and he did all the running at the beginning and I got drunk and slept with him. We worked together so he was always around and we started seeing each other regularly. And although it is far from perfect I can't imagine not being with him now. We have huge issues in one area but I still love him and want to be with him. He makes me laugh and we click in many ways.

[warthog]

flight, is this the guy that wanted a no-strings-attached relationship before?

[Frrrightattendant]

Oh Buda, see you have muddled me up again now

Your relationship with DH sounds really really good - that was what I meant about every partnership having its flaws, but the fact you still want to be with the person makes it all just par for the course.

I suppose it is all about whether a particular person tips the balance. It is nice when someone else does the running, and I have friends (Ok a friend!) whop always told me to let this happen, because then you feel kind of safe in the knowledge they adore you and will look after you.

But I have been trying to convince myself about this one for years now and it still isn't really working. I so would like to kiss him and find he was my prince-from-frog person, but I've tried it and yes, it's nice, but it isn't anything that makes me go 'wow'. I so need to be in the right place emotionally for that to happen.



Thankyou very much for helping. I really appreciate your perspective and experience.

[Frrrightattendant]

Warty - sorry - yes, the second one is. The first one wants a lot of strings!

It's Ok, I know I'm not getting involved with man#2, now. At least that much is clear...

[BudaBones]

Sorry for confusing you!

[Frrrightattendant]

...

[Fabster]

I am confused just reading all that!

If you haven't had a proper relationship with either man then of course you don't love either of them.

Man 1 might be playing you or being a bit clumsy.

Nothing to stop you going out with either man and seeing how things go. You don't have to sleep with them until if and when you want to.