I'm fairly new to this site, though have been lurking a little bit. I'm also not sure if this is a topic for "chat" or "relationships" - it's a bit of a straddler.
Anyway, my exH was (and still is) a very controlling bully. When he and I were together it reached a point where I was making a decision based on whether it would meet with approval, rather than whether it was my actual decision. My thoughts were not independent of the potential approval-rating, IYSWIM? I only stood up for myself if it was something I felt very strongly about. Either that, or I would sneak off and do whatever it was I wanted to do and not tell him.
In "conversations" I've had with him, he tells me that he is baffled at the split because we always seemed to be on the same wavelength and wanted the same things. Now, to me, that wavelength was his and there was only the occasional bit of convergence-most often it was me going with what he wanted to avoid a confrontation.
I'm in a new relationship now and I've been trying to explain to my new bloke what it was like living with this. Does anyone have experience of living with a bully? Did it become second nature to work around them? I can see that I became a doormat, but exH doesn't see that his behaviour was in any way bullying.
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Relationships
are bullies self-aware?
38 replies
totallyawesome · 21/10/2009 13:56
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