I think my DH is on the brink of a nervous breakdown. If he doesn't have one I might.
We have got a lot of problems at the moment. We are in deep financial sh*t. Just before Christmas last year my DH had his overtime at work cut. This was worth over £500 a month to us so Christmas was tough to get through and in the New Year Dh's work hours were cut again down to 24 per week. To top this off his bosses were taking advantage of him, not being nice to him and made his life hell. They wanted him to work full time but only wanted to put half of the hours through the books and pay him cash in hand for the rest but not at his hourly rate, at what he would be earning after he paid the tax and NI(IYSWIM??). DH said no. They then proceeded to take on 2 more members of staff, obviously paying them cash in hand. To say DH hit an all time low was an understatement.
DH handed his notice in in April and started working for himself. He had work lined up all summer and a friend of his had encouraged him to leave his employment as he had loads of work he could pass on to him also. At the beginning of June, one of the people DH had been expecting to work for all summer turned around and said they didn't have anything else and no work has materialised from the friend either. DH picks up jobs here and there but it's not enough to even cover our rent and council tax each month let alone our other bills. As you can imagine DH feels awful about this.
I have 2 DC's from a previous marriage and to say that I don't get on with ex and his wife is an understatement. I am exhausted from all the times I have tried to reason with them. Ex and his wife had an affair which was the reason for our split but I really don't care about any of that. All I want is what is best for my DC's which is for all of us to be on friendly terms but DH and wife make our lives hell. DC's have are currently on their hols with their dad, are due back on Sunday, so 2 and a half weeks in total. I have only spoken to them 3 times. Everytime I try to call them ex's mobile phone is mysteriously switched off so I have to wait until DC's are allowed to call me. So instead of enjoying these couple of weeks without DC's I have been upset and I try not to show it too much to DH because I know he worries about me and I don't want to put more stress onto him.(and I've noticed when I talk to him about any of this he is shaking like a leaf).
DH is from up north (we live down south) and he wants to move back. Financially we would be much better off if we did as we live in a very expensive part of the country. It is a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel but the only problem we can see would be DC's father. I know he can't legally stop us moving but he and his wife are very good at manipulating DC's especially DD and I can see they could scupper our plans if they wanted to. I think it would be best for all of us as we would get a fresh start and a chance to make something of ourselves and I think the distance between ex and I would be good. DC's would get to spend more quality time with him, every half term and school holiday.
DH and I were TTC but I feel like we're in a catch 22 situation really. We've no money so couldn't afford a baby but I feel like if I was pregnant it would give DH a sense of purpose again, maybe give him some extra incentive to get a new job or some new work?
We're both so stressed we probably won't be able to conceive anyway.
One good thing out of all of this is that our relationship is just as strong as ever. We're not arguing about any of it and have realised that above all else we have got each other.
I don't really know what kind of response I want from this thread. Maybe someone can pull something out of it all and give me a different perspective/thought as I have got so much going around in my head that I cannot focus on just one thing.
Thanks.
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Relationships
DH is on the brink.
mampam · 06/08/2009 10:29
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