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Update on 'in a pickle', DP and I split last night

(43 Posts)
worried27 Tue 04-Aug-09 08:23:35

This was my thread last week: here

I left work on Friday and really believed now that weight was off my shoulders that things would get back to how they used to be for us.

He however didn't seem to want to give that a chance as he came round last night and split up with me. There wasn't really a proper reason, well none that he gave, just the usual 'I don't think we're suited'...

We had the talk we should have had a few weeks ago, about me realising that the job was getting me down, and that I knew it was affecting us but that once I'd left things would change. For once I was totally honest about how unhappy I'd been at the job and how badly it had affected me. He said why didn't you say something at the time? I said I was afraid where the conversation would end. He said he'd think about what I had said but tbh I don't think he will change his mind.

I am so sad because when we first met everything was great, and was until we started to work together. In fact I thought I had found 'the one'. I am so angry with myself for letting it get to this point again. Now he has left me and all my dreams and my future with him have left me too.

HolyShihtzu Tue 04-Aug-09 08:26:45

Big hugs to you this morning...I saw your thread but haven't read it properly, been having relationship meltdown myself - but just wanted someone to give you a hug asap smile xx

Feels horrid doesn't it sad

fishie Tue 04-Aug-09 08:41:36

oh worried, job and partner gone in a few days sad no wonder you are feeling low and what a shame he has let you down again.

chin up though, it can only get better (and i think it is a blessing in disguise).

worried27 Tue 04-Aug-09 08:50:42

yep, no job and no boyfriend, how can that be a blessing in disguise??

worried27 Tue 04-Aug-09 10:07:15

now i am looking at holiday pictures, just a couple of months ago, silly me!!

fishie Tue 04-Aug-09 10:36:54

it happened to me, i was 23 and got made redundant without warning on friday and my ex moved out on saturday (i did have warning for that). it was bloody awful for a while, especially financially, but it was all good in the end because he was an abusive shit and i have made a much better life for myself.

i didn't have a child then though. how many have you got worried?

cathcat Tue 04-Aug-09 21:00:43

Worried - i just want to wish you luck for the future. I am sure the right job AND the right man are round the corner for you. you have had a rotten time, spoil yourself this week. (in a non-expensive way!)

worried27 Wed 05-Aug-09 00:38:01

Thanks cathcat, i did gorge on chocolate today!

But then out of the blue I got a text off him this evening, asking if I wanted to go out for dinner next Saturday... I said where has this come from? His response:

"I understand that the last few weeks have been coloured by our close proximity and my position [at work]. This may have tarnished my view of the world and altered my perspective somewhat unfairly, of what was probably the most fun I've had in the last year. So I thought a week or so off as it were and a 'classic' date might do wonders for either reawakening the reasons why I like you so very much or the worst case be a lovely dinner with someone I have shared so much with. Both could potentially be the prelude to something quite lovely"

What do we think to that?!

esselle Wed 05-Aug-09 00:52:55

Well I reckon you should go for it - what have you got to lose?

Having had my heart broken in the past when relationships have ended, I remember thinking loads of times "You will miss me when I'm gone, when you will realise how great I was" or something along those lines.

Looks like he may have realised what he has lost.

Just go along with the intention of having a nice meal and nothing more. Then see what happens...

everythingistaken Wed 05-Aug-09 04:53:48

that's wonderful new's very happy for you wink. let us know how you get on.

Pheebe Wed 05-Aug-09 07:45:22

I agree you should give the date a go but perhaps be a little cautious in your expectations.

'Someone I like to very much' - no mention of love

'the start of something quite lovely' all very non-commital

I'm sorry if I'm putting a downer on it but I'd expect that kind of text from someone I'd known a few days not someone I'd lived and worked with as a couple for some considerable time.

Perhaps he's thinking along the lines of wiping the past and starting again...

Rindercella Wed 05-Aug-09 08:03:28

Hi Worried, I remember your previous thread. I agree with Pheebe. Try not to get too excited, and remember his lack of support when you were at his awful company. It well may be the 'start of something lovely', but take it slowly, treat it as a first date and go easy on your expectations smile

worried27 Wed 05-Aug-09 09:49:21

No, there is no mention of love but in fact neither of us had said that to each other!

Later texts said he wanted to wipe the slate clean, and that he shouldn't have let his position at work affect things like it did. That he had had a chance to 'think about things from my view'.

I guess I am surprised by the total U-turn and think it seems to good to be true. But I will be definitely there next Saturday! wink

ginnny Wed 05-Aug-09 10:04:26

Crikey - did he swallow a dictionary for breakfast grin
Its a very formal text - no mention of love or any real feelings or emotions.
Go for the meal, but keep an open mind. Make sure you look fabulous and don't appear too desperate to try again. Make him do the work this time.
Good luck.

ginnny Wed 05-Aug-09 10:05:11

How long had you been together? Do you have dc with him?

llareggub Wed 05-Aug-09 10:11:21

He sounds like a classic fuckwit to be honest.

He sounds totally self-absorbed.

worried27 Wed 05-Aug-09 11:55:30

yes it is quite formal, but that is how he is, methodical, not one to show his feelings, deep thinker etc.

I am thinking of just not being in touch at all until next week...

worried27 Thu 06-Aug-09 21:02:35

Oh god I'm such an idiot. I blew something way out of proportion yesterday, we had a huge blow up and he basically said drop my keys off and be on your way. Tonight he's just deleted me from FB etc. I'm so stupid. Even as I was doing it I was telling myself not to, but I was angry and couldn't help it. And now it's all over and I feel so so sick. God I feel so bad. You know that feeling in your tummy. I just want a hug, I want him here and to say sorry and that I want him I'm a stupid stupid girl, can barely see for crying

ginnny Thu 06-Aug-09 21:09:33

What happened? I thought you weren't going to see him until next week?

worried27 Thu 06-Aug-09 21:13:55

No, I know, it was over text, he was out for a drink after work last night, but didn't/wouldn't say who, I should have just left it but I sarcastically asked 'is it x by any chance' (x being a girl who, well, let's just say I don't like her!), he replied no actually it was Y, now get off your suspicious high horse, you can return my keys and be on your way'

Immediately I knew I shouldn't have sent it but god knows why I did, of course straight after I was mortified and tried to apologise, just saying I was sorry and not myself, but he didn't reply, now like I say he has deleted me off everything so obviously it is the end now, and I just feel terrible

SausageRocket Thu 06-Aug-09 21:15:55

"he'd deleted me from FB"

Ok, I am conviced your waste of skin exDP is 15.

I'm really sorry you feel crappy and I can understand why you feel low, but he was not a loving, supportive 'partner'. He is a selfish git.

Best of luck for the future smile

worried27 Thu 06-Aug-09 21:18:40

Sorry SausageRocket I know that sounds really juvenile but my point was... if you don't hear from someone) then fair enough they may be in a bad mood or whatever but you know that they will be in touch again... but when (for example) they take you off FB then that's a pretty clear indication that they do not want to speak to you now, tomorrow, or ever again!

gingersquidge Thu 06-Aug-09 21:26:22

i would do that then, drop his keys off and call his bluff.

i just dont think you are really going to be able to relax with this guy again.. you're always going to be worrying and wondering if you're about to cock it up again. that's no way to be.


worried27 Thu 06-Aug-09 21:43:50

gingersquidge I don't think i have any choice in the matter anymore now anyway!

Doha Thu 06-Aug-09 21:44:04

If he wants his keys he can make arrangements to pick them up. Don't go runing after him.

To be honest this relationship didnt appear to be going anywhere any he came across in both your posts as a selfish twat.

It's so easy for me to say you that you are better off without him but believe me in a month or so you won't believe that you shed so much as a tear over him.

He is a big kid wo was not able to support you when you needed him to be there for you and now when you dare to question him he thriws his dummy out the pram.

Go eat some more chocolate (here is some galaxy l was saving for a rainy day) indulge yourself for a day or two.

Somewhere out there is a decent man waiting---give yourself a shake dust yourseld down and thank your lucky stars you made a lucky escape.

{{{{huggles}}}} for you tonight.

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