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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My husband is a secret sperm donor!

33 replies

lilac21 · 21/07/2009 23:04

I was browsing my husband's usual user name on Google to see what came up (we are separating but I am wondering about his nights and afternoons out where he is gone for hours and no-one knows where he is) and I found his details on free-sperm-donations.com! He is either very altruistic or just a bit weird, I can't decide. We have two kids of our own already.

I found him on Twitter, no surprises there, but the sperm donor thing has me thinking, when I was thinking instead that I might find him on a dating website.

OP posts:

Report

whomovedmychocolate · 21/07/2009 23:06

Well he is sort of 'givin' 'er one'

Seriously are you sure it's him?

lilac21 · 21/07/2009 23:10

Absolutely certain - no photo but physical description and location, and his usual username is unusual if you get my drift!

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2009 23:14

Blimey - really dont' konw what to say!

(so maybe I just shouldn't post! )

whomovedmychocolate · 21/07/2009 23:14

Urgh - how horrid - are you going to confront him? Is he within the legal age limits etc. How do you feel about it?

EnglishCream · 21/07/2009 23:17

Interesting first post, doncha just hate the school holidays ?

poshwellies · 21/07/2009 23:17

You sure it's him? lots of people have the same user names-,big world out there on the interweb.

Merrylegs · 21/07/2009 23:18

This sounds like a 'Take A Break' story!

lilac21 · 21/07/2009 23:20

I don't mind, I just think it's a bit weird. When I talked about being an egg donor back in the days when I was young enough to do it, he wasn't keen at all.

Can't say anything to him, cos I don't want him to know I've been googling him!

EnglishCream, I don't know what you're getting at, but since I'm a teacher, I love the school holidays!

OP posts:

Spidermama · 21/07/2009 23:21

Mid life crisis?

My dh talked to an I-V specialist about just this. I did my nut and hit the roof saying I didn't want the threat of strangers turning up in my life claiming to be half sisters or brothers to my kids and wanting a piece of my DH.

I think he had some notion about spreading his fabulous seed as far and wide as he could. I swiftly disabused him of this.

TrinityRhinoHasASillyStepson · 21/07/2009 23:21

why is it ugh?

GIvePeasAChance · 21/07/2009 23:22

I think that is really nice. There is such a shortage of donors now..........and my friend needs some !

Just weird he didn't tell you Do you still get paid? Is it for money maybe?

mamas12 · 21/07/2009 23:23

Isn't it just a euphamism for wanking??

lilac21 · 21/07/2009 23:24

It's not weird he didn't tell me, we barely talk these days.

He's in his fifties so not everyone's first choice, perhaps. It wouldn't be for money, he has plenty.

OP posts:

aRLcat · 21/07/2009 23:27

It's entirely unecessary, just another excuse for a sly wank didn't they (whoever 'they' are) just manage to recreate a human sperm in labs?

lilac21 · 21/07/2009 23:31

He told me at some length a few months back that he wasn't masturbating/watching or reading porn/dating or thinking about it and I was just thinking 'ugh, TMI!'. We agreed in January that the marriage was over and I don't want to know what he is or isn't doing (but if he was committing adultery, that would be useful to know).

OP posts:

jonsteer · 19/08/2009 03:59

I am a sperm donor and married. But my wife knows what I am doing and I try to involve her in whats going on just so she doesn't get the feeling I am up to no good. The question is did he create the profile before you broke up as that would question his trust in him in that, he didn't feel he could talk to you about it. I'm donating as I was extremely lucky to have my daughter so I wanted others to experiance a child. My 11 year old daughter even knows, as there is the issue of possible half sibling wanting to contact each other later in life.
In australia to donate via a clinic which I did as a gift to help couples/individuals with medical issues, you have to go through councilling sessions which require my wife to attend.
Maybe he is just using the website to pick up women so desperate they can even find a husband. At the other end there are men with breeding fetishes. I would ask him just on the issues of your children having possible family knocking on the door and saying in your half sister/brother.
mysteryman10002000 yahoo.com.au

makipuppy · 19/08/2009 07:47

Spidermama, what a shame you see altruistic (the only sort there is in the UK) sperm donation as something that must be stamped out.

My baby is due this week, thanks to a sperm donor, as DP and I had to avoid a hereditary disease.

I understand you may feel threatened by a this dreadful scenario of children queueing up on your doorstep for a piece of your DH, but wonder why you can't focus instead on giving families a chance to have and love children?

OP, your husband is too old to be a sperm donor in the UK, I believe the cut-off is 45.

Jonsteer, thank you.

OrmIrian · 19/08/2009 08:02

Well there are plenty reasons for a wank. I reckon this is quite a good one.

makipuppy · 19/08/2009 09:48

Also, Spidermama, although I would never question your right to do your nut not want your husband to be a sperm donor, it does rub a bit that you believe a child born in this way should be needy and wanting a piece of anything. It hasn't been my experience of any of my friends who were adopted - although some of them have wanted, out of curiousity, to meet their bio parent. And sperm donation is nothing like as emotionally-weighted as adoption.

On the upside of your comment, my bathrooms are now sparkling with rechannelled resentment .

2rebecca · 19/08/2009 10:15

I think being a sperm or egg donor is a big decision and one that should be agreed by both parties if you are married. The fact that he made this decision without even discussing it with you would make me angry and upset and wondering why I was "sharing" my life with this man if I were you. Not much of a partnership.

edam · 19/08/2009 10:19

Altruistic sperm donation is a good thing, but I'd be very pissed off if dh was doing it without me knowing.

Is your ex doing it via a proper infertility clinic or just offering his seed to the WWW? Because that would be yuck yuck yuckety yuck and rather weird.

ginnny · 19/08/2009 11:50

You've separated though!
Surely its up to him what he does with his sperm.
If he met someone else and had dc with them in the future they would be your dc's half siblings too and there would be nothing you could do about that either.
Makipuppy - Congratulations to you. A veryy good friend of mine used a sperm donor as her dh was infertile due to having leukaemia as a child. They now have 2 beautiful dc and they are as much his as if he'd fathered them himself. They even look a bit like him.

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DapperDan · 19/08/2009 12:00

I've donated too, wife knows and I was pleased to help others.

Once potential issue is that unless you donate via an HFEA registered clinic he will legally be the childrens' father. HFEA clinics usually have an upper age limit of 40 too.

Malificence · 19/08/2009 13:09

There are going to be so many problems in the future due to half siblings meeting up and breeding without the knowledege they are even related.

I know it's probably a very unpopular view but I don't agree with donor IVF / surrogacy or anything else in that vein. Babies should not be commodities and adoption is a far better way of being altruistic.

The thought of my husband donating sperm would actually make me feel quite sick, we have one daughter and made the concious decision not to have more kids, the thought of other children running around looking like him is quite vile to me, but then he's always known that if I died, I would never have wanted him to have children with anyone else either.
If that makes me a selfish cow, fine.

mumsiebumsie · 19/08/2009 13:46

Malifence . You've forbidden your DH from having more children if you were to die? Suprised he agreed to that - although could be he's just agreeing on the basis that if you were to die you wouldn't know what he was doing anyway.

Back to subject in hand - OP if your husband is 50+ are you sure that's him you found?

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