dd1's bio dad is a complete flake. He left me when I told him I was pregnant, picked up a new gf and got her pregnant when dd was 10 days old, so dd has a half sister who is 9 months younger than her.
Ex didn't really want anything to do with dd for a long while, then when I married my dh, he came back on the scene. I thought things were getting better, he'd started to see dd on a Saturday, she'd even begun staying the night and forming a good relationship with her sister.
Then we found out from an old friend that the new gf was pregnant again. We sent our congratulations etc. Overnight visits had to stop as the gf said she was too tired to have dd staying over while she was pregnant.
We haven't heard from ex for over 3 weeks now. He just hasn't bothered to contact me about dd's Saturday visits at all. Something clicked in me, so I decided to search his and the gf's names on Facebook (stalker moment ) and sure enough, their profile pictures are of a newborn baby girl.
So, dd has another sister, but what am I meant to say to her? I don't know when she was born or what her name is. I've no idea when ex is going to get back in contact to see dd1 again- it seems he's got another dd and forgotten about dd1 for now. He did the exact same thing when his last child was born. It makes me and
Oh and sorry if this shouldn't be in Relationships, I didn't really know where else to post. I have a feeling dd will be posting on here in a few years time about her relationship with her bio dad though!
Perhaps I am over thinking this and it's none of my business. I'm sure he'll come back eventually. This is just bringing back bad memories of last time he had a new child and disappeared off the radar.
She is 4. She mentions her sister a lot, and only yesterday was telling my mum that she is going to have a new baby soon, so she is aware. I am only in contactt with ex via text, haven't spoken face to face in about 18 months. dh does the handover.
Mamazon- I won't tell dd, because it's not my place to. Also I can't answer questions, like what is her name? I'd love to ring him, but I'd probably make a fool of myself.
Slarty- yes they do take up a lot of time, I remember coping on my own with dd1 because ex had buggered off and left me to it!! But I figure if they have both found time to update their Facebook profile pictures, surely they had time to send a text.
I feel sad for dd and cross woth myself for ever having anything to do with the selfish bastard!
i don't think you'd be doing Dd any favours by ignoring it tbh. he needs to know that this will have been devesatating for her and that he has to be consistent. its one thing to adjust contact due to the new arrival but to blank her for weeks is just not on.
I suppose it's if you think, long term, by letting him know in no uncertain terms that it was out of order, you'll change his behaviour in the future, then it's worth doing that.
But, it doesn't sound like he will change, or he wouldn't have done this in the first place. Your dd will probably not realise right now that this is odd behaviour, and just be happy to see her sister. I would have thought all you can do is manage his thoughtless behaviour as much as poss so it has the least impact on your dd?
Could you perhaps text your xp saying that your DD is asking when he is going to introduce her to her new sister. You could mention FBas your source of kowledge.
If you don't get a reply l would be wary of re establishing contact between your DD and him again as he certainly doesn't come across as being reliable To drop contact with his DD1 like that is shocking and unforgivable .
My worry is that we will drop of the radar again at some point in the future when your DD is older and will affect her even more.
oh how awful for your dd. What on earth is the matter with the pair of them. I can understand finding an extra child tough when pg but not to alienate her like that. I think you need to tell her very gently but I would also contact them both with something quite strong. In all honesty I would write on their walls so everyone else could see but I am mean.
oh and on their weak ass excuse, I am twenty weeks pg, working full time and unable to go anywhere thanks to severe spd that has me totally immobilised. I still have dss 50 percent of the time though. That will stop for a week when the new baby comes but he will still be one of the first people coming to see the baby at the hospital. I would never ever hurt a child like that and your dds stepmother has a lot to answer for as well. Lazy selfish toerags.
The problem is lissielou that I haven't been told that the baby's been born, so they would wonder how I'd found out. Also, I don't really want to go 'begging' to them, asking them to please let dd go and visit. I feel as her father, he should WANT her to visit her baby sister, without me initiating it.
But thanks for the suggestion, any idea is a good idea at the moment!
can you not just say haughtily (if asked) "thats not the issue, your dd has a sister. dd is your child just as much as the new one. and she should be told by her father when a new baby arrives. it will be much harder to tell her in 6m time"
i do feel for you. my parents split up before i was born and i didnt meet my dad til i was 16, in that time he had 4 more children, in fact i used to play with my little sister without knowing who she was. ive never forgiven either of them.