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sister always whingeing on about money, does she have a point or am I being a bitch?

(46 Posts)
minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:11:57

She's on about £24,000. She now lives in Manchester which she claims is horrendously more expensive than Sheffield where she used to live hmm

She and 2 friends split £650 rent a month and all bills 3 ways between them. She has my old car which I sold to her for half it's value as it was her.

The prob is I'm beginning to find her constant "I'm skint, I can't afford it" moaning a bit irritating as well as her scroungy ways. I've worked out she has at least £800 pounds disposable cash a month, i consider that quite a lot!!!

re scroungy ways when she's out she orders tap water for herself but accepts drinks off others. She tries to scab lifts all the time rather than driving/bus because it saves her money. Everytime she's round her she goes straight to the fridge and helps herself. Usually i wouldn't mind but I'm beginning to see a bit of a theme. the most irritating is one belling me/dh/friends and expecting us to call HER back with our "free" minutes so she doesn't have to spend money on phone vouchers.

The most annoying recently was when she had a "bring your own bottle and a bowl" night recently when me and a few of her friends took salads etc. round and some wine, she got pissed ate the food (didn't make any herself) and then cling filmed it all up to use for the next weeks food! I'd made these really lovely puff pastry feta and cherry tomato tartlets (if i say so myself) and she immediately snaffled them to eat for work lunches!

Sorry sould have posted in AIBU, am I being uncharitable by being annoyed with this behaviour? Or is my irritation a teensy bit justified?

TrinityRhino Fri 03-Jul-09 21:14:09

maybe she has alot of debt

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 03-Jul-09 21:15:10

I'd be pissed at this to be honest. Be straight with her and tell her she needs to chip in.

expatinscotland Fri 03-Jul-09 21:16:54

She's a skinflint. I'd tell her, too.

Stop enabling her, too.

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:18:05

My Mum does this too by the way, complains CONSTANTLY about cash but has just had a real oak floor put down in her 4 bedroom detached house hmm.

Also both of them comment everytime I have something new as if to make out I'm some rich bitch (I'm not, but I wouldn't insult those who are genuinely short of money by comparing my situation to theirs). as in "oh, new bag again?" and I feel i have to justify myself by saying it was in the sale or something.

Sisters excuse when i try to point out that nearly 25k shouldn't make her quite So destitute is that "it's ok for you, you have dh it's a lot harder for us single people we have to manage ON OUR OWN" but she shares a house which has rent of half our mortgage with 2 friends, I do feell she's talking out of her arse a bit.

Katisha Fri 03-Jul-09 21:18:06

She obviously feels entitled. She won't know it's unacceptable unless you tell her though. Hints probably won't work.

dizzydixies Fri 03-Jul-09 21:20:22

you're letting her off with it, tell her to start shelling out

expatinscotland Fri 03-Jul-09 21:21:38

She's single and earns £24,000 with no kids?

We're a family of five who live on a lot less than that.

She's taking the piss. Tell. And don't give her lifts without collecting money from her FIRST for petrol at least or buy her drinks.

And don't ring her back on your free minutes.

Send her a text and tell her that game's up.

JonAndHate Fri 03-Jul-09 21:22:36

are you sure she's not in debt? she seems to be trying to save awfully hard...

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:23:17

The thing is i don't mind making dinner (or dh doing it) when she or any othet giest comes round, I LIKE being hospitable. She does babysit when she comes so I feel dinner/food is fair enough. It's the ransacking the fridge immediately that gets my goat and the face she pulls if we say we're going out for a meal and not cooking.

I can't complain though really can I? V v lucky to have a babysitter, to be fair she's v generous in this way. But she the other stngy stuff I'm surprised more of her mates haven't got fed up with it.

And no debt,she's never had a loan or a credit card, never needed one!

expatinscotland Fri 03-Jul-09 21:25:16

Yeah, you can complain. I would if my sister were taking the piss.

Katisha Fri 03-Jul-09 21:25:40

Well what does she say when you point out the realities of your mortgage and her rent?

Or has she just got into the habit because of your mother?

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:27:00

Exactly expat I know what you're saying is so true. But the venom that gets thrown at me when I try to discuss it. TBH I find it embarrassing when we're out with our mates with her many of whom have the same salaries with bigger rent/mortgages and as soon as one gets uo to leave she begs a lift "to save on bus fare". Half the time they're not even going her way.

expatinscotland Fri 03-Jul-09 21:28:51

So what if she gets angry? She takes the piss out of people and she'll keep doing it as long as poeple let her.

I mean, with regards to the lift thing if I weren't going in her direction I'd say no, sorry, you'll need to get a bus or sure, but i need £5 right now.

rookiemater Fri 03-Jul-09 21:30:18

Well free reliable babysitters are hard to come by, so whilst her behaviour does sound a tad tight, then other than trying to restrict some of the stuff she does to you, then I would keep schtum unless you fancy forking out £6.00 an hour every time you want to go out,which is probably a lot more than the cost of leftovers in your fridge.

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:30:40

the face that was pulled on Tue night when I said I couldn't pick her up/ give her a lift home from the book group we go to because I was on the bus myself!

She was too skint to buy me a cranberry jiuce cos she had to fork out for her own bus fare!!!

Little sisters eh wink

JoyS Fri 03-Jul-09 21:33:37

I used to be flatmates with someone like this, it was AWFUL. Somehow you always find yourself paying more than they do at restaurants, for the phone bill, cab fare, everything.

She owed me some money for bills, deposits, etc (quite a lot actually) when I moved out and she couldn't believe how much it was. Had to get her calculator out and go over it about 12 times. Funny after all her complaining about being skint, she had it just resting in her bank account.

Quite possibly she's one of those people who gets freaked out if they don't have a certain amount in the bank, but why should you have to subsidize that?

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:34:57

you are right too rookiemater we're so fortunate that she comes round and wants to do it, I think I'll let the food thing go, tis fair enough.

I think it's just the attitude i find grating, I feel like screaming at her "no, you're not skint, you don't know what real skint means!!"

But my Mum has made a career out of going on and on and on about money so I think she's got it from her, I also do tend to indulge her a little bit in a "big sister" kind of way I suppose.

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:37:58

tbh I think the real underlying issue is that she thinks I lead a charmed life cos I have dh and dd and am pg with no 2 living in our own house.

She's single and i think it really upsets her, she's started to become quite bitter about it, and has said some quite spiteful things to me recently.

toomanystuffedbears Fri 03-Jul-09 21:46:35

It may be partly learned behavior from your mom, so she may not be able to really see the effect of it from a different perspective.

Is she secretly saving up for something? A grand trip, maybe?

How is she keeping her friends? Or do they all behave this way, and trade secrets on how to use people?

No, you are not being a bitch-I think she is, though. Especially about your dh, your choices.

It is too bad, but do you find yourself wondering at each interaction with her how is she going to take advantage this time? Frustrating.

She is (behaving like) a parasite. I would consider backing off of contact with her some, and when she mentions it, tell her exactly why.

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 21:54:04

she is lovely in other ways and a fab auntie to dd, they get on brilliantly and have such a warm relationship. TBH some of the things she's said to me if it weren't for dd I'd be distancing myself.

She actually used to be quite generous! Buy dinner, get drinks in and little gifts all the time. It didn't used to be in her nature to be like this. Sometimes she still is.

I am getting tougher with her, last book group she asked me to lend her £1.00 to buy some chips, in the olden days i would have said "don't be daft have a meal I'll get it this time," but I just handed over the coin, didn't ask for it back though!!

It's since she's moved to Manchester where me and all her close mates from school live, we've all got dps/dhs and mortgages. I think she's a bit resentful.

TrillianAstrahasaJOB Fri 03-Jul-09 21:56:16

Next time she whinges, offer to go through her finances with her and see where she can save money without making too much of a sacrifice. www.moneysavingexpert.com might be useful.

She's being rubbish and very rude at the moment, but it'll be better for your future relationship if you can try to get her to see that you are helping her by cutting off the subsidies. Buy a man a fish vs teach him to fish, you know.

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 22:02:32

what she needs is a bloke to chill her the f**k out a bit!! Have introduced her to a few single male friends (all of whom have been interested she's v v attractive) but she's looked down her nose at them all!

toomanystuffedbears Fri 03-Jul-09 22:33:56

That doesn't quite add up.
Is she following a different sort of lifestyle, iykwim?
Not that that would excuse milking you every chance she gets.

minxofmancunia Fri 03-Jul-09 22:44:19

sorry toomanystuffed bears i'm being a bit slow what do you mean?

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