Am a namechanger due to the personal nature of this post, but I am a regular and could really do with some help.
My father acted very inappropriately when I was growing up and my own mother did nothing to protect me. It wasn't as serious as some people go through but he used to encourage me to masturbate, would pour water over my private parts when he bathed me, showed me porn regularly and when he overheard me say to a friend age 13 that I was nervous about how I would kiss a boy when it came to it, he (a few days later) stuck his tongue in my mouth and said I was rubbish at kissng.
My mother knew all this and did very little to stop it. In addition they were verbally abusive calling me a slut and not allowing me to put my toothbrush near theirs in the bathroom in case "I gave them aids".
It is only after I had my DS that I realised how serious their behaviour was. They live 300 miles away from me now and my Dad had a stroke a few years back so is disabled. Even so DP and I still do not want them around DS so contact has been limited to emails and photo sending. My mother has asked me to visit on numerous occasions but I have always thought of excuses. However I have recently got back in touch with some people on my mothers side of the family whom she fell out with years ago, who live near me and I think she is upset and angry over this. I have never mentioned the abuse and how sick it makes me feel so in her head I am a nasty uncaring daughter.
The final straw today is that I am going to uni tomorrow to study something nursing related so I can have a better job and DS can have a better future. DP was made redundant a few weeks ago so not great timing but I worked hard to get into uni as a mature student and was so excited I was finally going. My mother has now sent me a nasty email saying that I am a bad mother for going to uni as we will have no money and that she will not bail me out if I ask (I have been totally self sufficient for 10 years). She feels sorry for my DS who will now not get everything he needs. She asked if "I can be bothered" to get my photos developed as she has not had one in a while and was basically so nasty she has now taken the shine off uni for me.
DP says I should have it out with her about everything but my grandmother (her mother) has a serious heart condition and if she finds out it could literally kill her. My aunt (my mothers sister) is the one who I recently got back in touch with and I am thinking maybe I should confide in her, but is it too soon for this? I just feel so horrible inside now. None of this is my fault and I don't know how much longer I can cope with this inner turmoil. I feel like crying and crying tonight when I should be so excited about uni tomorrow
Sorry this has been so long. I just don't know what to do anymore
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I am so angry and upset I can barely breath. Can anyone help
52 replies
beyonddistressed · 21/09/2008 19:10
OP posts:
trefusis ·
21/09/2008 19:23
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