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Relationships

DW "snogged" her best guy friend(Long story)

48 replies

Kloth · 12/09/2008 11:33

First time here and very hopeful for some perspective. I could ask fellow friends about this but need an anonymous view point. First off, I'm an American so my language is not quite "British".

My DW of two years snogged as you guys say, her best guy friend. She did tell me herself(we agreed that should we ever begin to cheat or cheat we'd tell the other). She didn't tell me for maybe a week or two after, but she did tell me. She admitted that she is in attracted(strong emotion/love) with this guy months after they first met. I thought she had enough strength to hold back from temptation, I just wasn't going to be the guy who demanded my spouse not have guy friends out of jealously. I also know that he also find my DW absolutely his type and is also very attracted to her.

The back-story is that he has been friends with my DW for 3 years and he was moving to a different town for college. She was very sad and in the past my DW and I had to resolve that she had love interest in him. I have absolute trust in her and told her so. She asked me if it was alright if she kissed him at his going away party. I think a part of me was thinking "lips" only and so I said yes it was fine. I was thinking cheek, head, lips...something a little less intimate. The kiss I found was heavy on the tongue. In one conversation, she let slip (as if it was no big deal, though I suspect chagrin) that it wasn't the first time. That left me startled, but I had said yes, so what was I to do? I've not confronted the issue of the kiss nor the supposed other times.

Now, they are on unfriendly terms only weeks later because when he visited town he ignored my DW's meet and greet over coffee and that she was sick of his broken promises to meet her and other lies that somehow cropped up the same week.

So now I've completely avoided the subject but she keeps mentioning the guy and how sad(crying involved) she is over his refusal to contact her(my DW). She is also completely taken/confused at my utterly caring concern for her happiness and well being in the face of crying over another guy. He also returned(yesterday) his recent birthday gift and barrowed items which again, devastated her.

More info is I've been on midnight shifts the last several months and she has been lonely with such a narrow time to see me after her work and me leaving for mine, and that I'm not there in bed with her when she sleeps. To find comfort and keep her company a couple friends began coming over while I was at work. the guy friend was one of them. He was hanging out with her at my home the last two-three months at a significantly increased rate due to this. Twice or thrice a week from once a month. Apparently he was also telling my DW how he'll miss her and where will he find someone like her to replace her in his life.

The week before the Kiss I had made a judgment error that week and didn't get enough sleep (playing computer games too much after getting home from work in the morning) early enough throughout the week, so basically slept through the time she was home from work and the time before I go to work. She was very upset at this because she felt I would rather play games than spend the limited time we had in the evening with her.

I definitely know she feels guilty and really wishes I would yell at her... One time we pondered what our reactions would be to cheating and I told her I would just go cold...apparently that has happened. Since finding out there was tongue involved last week we've not had intimate relations. Although, I've gone about daily life with her as usual. And every time I kiss her I think of THE kiss which sucks because I'm fond of kissing her to the point that she'll push me away.

The hardest part is that we are about to buy a house. And she was giving me a ton of grief over the week I overslept and that maybe we shouldn't get a house after all. So...now I've gone from trusting my wife completely(still trust her because she told me.) to wondering how unfaithful she has been, because one sign of cheating I've read was finding reasons to be upset at your spouse. And normally, we are amazingly golden. This is crazy because we are the couple other people say are like a fairy tale.

Now, with all this known to you. What do you think caused it? Loneliness? Feelings of abandonment? Being seduced by the good guy friend who said all the right things to make her feel good? Was it a cry to get attention? How should I feel. I know she is neurotic and does feel adequate at times?

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themildmanneredstalker · 12/09/2008 11:39

well-sif you guys have been married a long time then a bit of new is always exciting and thrilling in a way that your dh/dw isn't.

maybe she felt a bit miffed that you condoned her kissing him?

if my husband said it was ok for me to snog someone else i would pissed off! i would want him to be angry and say 'no way! you're MY wife'

things don't sound great between you tbh.

the two of you have to have some time alone together and talk.