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So embarrassed about vaginal dryness

(49 Posts)
PuertoVallarta Tue 15-Sep-20 08:08:45

Late 40s. It caused me to check out of my last relationship which I desperately grieve. But now I occasionally get compliments from other men and I think...if they saw me without my makeup and knew how DRY I am...what’s the point???

Anything I can do? My GP said to just buy lube but I know men know the difference.

How can I start a new relationship? I don’t really want to date men in their 70s when I am only mid-40s. I was just talking to someone my age who seemed interested but he was talking about making me squirt for fuck’s sake that ship has sailed.

I really just want to tell everyone who even looks at me: I AM DRY FUCK OFF IF THAT’S A PROBLEM FOR YOU!!! But surely there must be a better way to find love?

Or not. I know this world is cruel to women b

OP’s posts: |
Othering Tue 15-Sep-20 08:12:45

Yep, it's cruel alright. If you want to try it though, vagifem is a game changer.

CherryPavlova Tue 15-Sep-20 08:13:50

Did they really say that? I’d have concerns about a GP who said that when there are perfectly good treatments.

ihatethecold Tue 15-Sep-20 08:16:06

Vagifem is your friend here.
Please see a different Gp op.

AugieMarch Tue 15-Sep-20 08:18:22

There are topical HRT treatments that you can use that specifically address this issue if you don’t want to use systemic HRT. It sounds to me like you need to go back to your doctor. You may also be at the start of vaginal atrophy, which can cause discomfort and unpleasant symptoms beyond dryness during sex, so I think you should revisit the GP (or find a new one!!) and talk about options. Google vaginal oestrogen and topical HRT so you can read up on the options.

fishonabicycle Tue 15-Sep-20 08:19:54

I used vagifem and it didn't mak sex any less painful at all. Worth a shot though.

Kittykat93 Tue 15-Sep-20 08:19:57

I'm only 27 and have to use lube all the time. There's never a time that I don't have to use it.

rumred Tue 15-Sep-20 08:31:35

I have used lube for years, it's great.
There's products out there, no shame in using them. You wouldn't object to make up, toothpaste etc, lube is just another useful product

ravenmum Tue 15-Sep-20 08:32:04

he was talking about making me squirt for fuck’s sake that ship has sailed.
Just say that, maybe? No need for you to feel any more embarrassed or uncomfortable than the guy who has no clue how women's bodies tend to function as they get older.

Get a vaginal moisturiser such as Vagisan. My bf expressed great surprise when I showed him the tube; clearly had no idea I was using it.

AnnaFour Tue 15-Sep-20 08:34:46

I’ve been with more than one man where the lube just sat there and we used it as and when and I am a lot younger than you. I honestly don’t think it’s as big of an issue as you seem to think with a lot of guys. Anyone who is a mature adult and understands that the female body can have this ‘issue’ no matter what your age wouldn’t bat an eyelid at using lube. Anyone who got offended or thought it was bad - eww would you really want to sleep with them anyway?

AnnaFour Tue 15-Sep-20 08:36:34

Which btw includes this twat you were just talking to! Who the fuck talks about making women they barely know squirt?? Honestly why would you even get upset about your body when this guy showed the attitude of an inexperienced clueless young man??

MrsOrMiss Tue 15-Sep-20 08:46:38

I used to worry about dryness until I discovered over the counter solutions, my partner was only concerned because I was. I use vagisan for everyday moistness, a little does go a long way and Ann Summers liquid satin lube for sex.
If DP ever said he wanted to make me squirt, I'd hand him the tube.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 15-Sep-20 08:53:18

I totally, totally get it OP - I'm exactly the same. I use lube (am married though so DH is just glad to be getting some). Try another GP, there are hormonal treatments you can try.

Also why would you want to sleep with squirt-man? Eew.

MMmomDD Tue 15-Sep-20 09:03:07

OP - first off - just get yourself another doctor and get some HRT or topical creams.

But mostly - five your head a shake. Men don’t care if you use lube. And it’s certainly should lead to ending a relationship. Are you possibly a bit down or even depressed - possibly having a hard time accepting your moving on in years? Sorry if I am wrong, but it just reads this way.

FinallyHere Tue 15-Sep-20 09:11:58

* My GP said to just buy lube but I know men know the difference.*

Can this possibly be for real and not a wind up? In the vanishingly small number of cases that someone really could tell, why would they care?

If you have internalised sexism to the extend that you honestly think your only value is as a sexual object and mother, I feel sorry for you.

Maybe start right back at the beginning with the sher hite report

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shere_Hite

Tyersal Tue 15-Sep-20 09:16:11

OP I've used lube on and off since my late teens, nothing to be embarrassed about. I can be horny as hell and still not that wet naturally, it's just one of those things.

Its got a bit worse as I've approached my 40s but lube is your friend

VivaMiltonKeynes Tue 15-Sep-20 09:40:21

www.yesyesyes.org

Wherearemymarbles Tue 15-Sep-20 10:18:41

Dont be embarrassed. There are many options and in some ways its the female version of ED - and plenty of 40+ men need help in that department from time to time!

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo Tue 15-Sep-20 10:24:50

Ive read sea buckthorn oil helps

vivariumvivariumsvivaria Tue 15-Sep-20 10:29:19

"men can tell the difference"

The difference between what? A 40+ vagina and a 20+ vagina? Attached to actual women that they, presumably, are attracted to?

If you get vagifem and lube you've got 50 years worth of shagging left in you.

Straven123 Tue 15-Sep-20 10:46:15

I use vaseline as ky jelly was too slippy - For DH that is, he is getting older and not quite achieving what he used to .....

MilleniumHallsWalledGarden Tue 15-Sep-20 10:51:34

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

I totally, totally get it OP - I'm exactly the same. I use lube (am married though so DH is just glad to be getting some). Try another GP, there are hormonal treatments you can try.

Also why would you want to sleep with squirt-man? Eew.



Squirt-man made me laugh grin but that comment does make him sound very juvenile and inexperienced. Maybe he's a bit porn-soaked and so thinks that all women do that?

VickySunshine Tue 15-Sep-20 11:16:03

My GP said to just buy lube but I know men know the difference.

I'm not sure that's the case and even if it is , I don't think men give a monkies anyway. Sure, you're not the tight little virgin you were at 16 ( or 14 in my case ) but I don't think they give an Orangutan's arse about that either. They just want to fuck your brains out and finish with a flourish. Unless you are dating a 17 year old , men of our age are totally on board with lube and other ladies preparations. If they are not then they are going to be selfish and stupid in bed and that's not gonna make a happy vagina. Find a man who knows what he's doing, tell him what you'd like him to do and hang on tight.

SoulofanAggron Tue 15-Sep-20 11:36:16

he was talking about making me squirt for fuck’s sake that ship has sailed.

'Squirting' is just someone wetting themselves, so if you wanted to you could do it. Porn actresses drink a lot of water beforehand to do it.

Men don't care where the lubrication is coming from if they're getting a shag. There are some lubes that are designed to be really nice, call themselves silky etc.

You don't have to tell men you have some dryness, because there's nothing wrong/abnormal about it. Honestly I don't think men will mind if they have to use a bit of lube.

CandidaAlbicans2 Tue 15-Sep-20 11:54:53

Getting older sucks at times doesn't it and getting your head around the ageing process can be difficult at times. But I'm a shameless lube user, have been for years (now early 50s, perimenopausal), and I've never had complaints. It helps that I don't see it as a fault so I'm very matter of fact about it, and the only thing I avoid is using it before oral (and if things go well I may not have to use it afterwards!). I morn the fact I'm not in a constant physical state of readiness like I was in my youth but otherwise my dry chuff is just what it is...in power-save mode I call it grin

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