Been dating a guy for nearly 8 weeks. Have a history of toxic relationships so I'm very careful. I got really upset about a couple of things - if angry he'll dump me (saying things like "you are too independent to want a relationship"), and he demands a lot of attention, getting very upset when he sees I've been on Facebook but not in touch with him.
Friends overheard a conversation I had with him about Facebook and he accused me of being with somone else. They told me I should congratulate them for not barging in and telling him he was treating me really badly and if I did dump him and see someone else instead, that would be down to him and no one else.
I feel pressured to spend every minute of my free time with him and I was starting to get very tired. . It's very hard to end a conversation with him. Loads of arguments. That's my fault -rather than accept that someone can't have healthy boundaries and move on, I argue about whether it's reasonable to do xyz.
My therapist did an unusual thing and jumped in with a suggestion (they never do that) - "get out right now, there are red flags everywhere"
So I had a conversation with him tonight about what would look like healthy right now - texts exchanged, a call once or twice a week, see eachother fortnightly (is long distance). He accused me of being dishonest - must be that there's someone else. Then he said this wasn't a relationship and I was just using him for sex.
I dumped him. As kindly as I could. We are now organising the return of his things.
My decision and the right decision. Why does it feel so awful then?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Why is it hard to break it off even when it's so toxic
GeekyGirl42 · 10/09/2020 20:37
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