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I feel so guilty, broken up with DP and leaving earlier then he thinks

(30 Posts)
girlwithadragontattoo Thu 10-Sep-20 15:13:24

I broke up with my ex 6/7 weeks ago, I'm finally moving back home in 2 weeks time. Unfortunately we've had to live together until I'm due to leave as i had no-where else to go (living with his family currently in a different European country)
Anyway, he's a complete and utter tw*t, i've been here nearly 4 years, in that time he's only worked for around 6 months until very recently, when i handed my noticed in and said i was leaving, he's managed to get himself a job, funny how he couldn't before now!

Anyway, I've been paying for everything (no DC's), he also smokes and was a big weed smoker, but hasn't since new years.

He thinks I'm shagging half of our town, when I'm at work apparently i make porn films lol, he thinks i take coke etc... I can't do anything by myself, never have time to myself and i never have money as it's always me that pays, if we go to the cinema its me that pays, if we have dinner its me again who pays, you get the idea.

I finally cracked and had enough, handed my noticed in for my job that i love and I'm coming home. I'm actually leaving a day earlier then he thinks as i know what he's like and he'll either try and stop me from leaving or will find a way for me to miss my flight. Luckily he works away during the week, only returning on the weekends. I'm leaving on the Friday and not the Saturday as he thinks i am. Anything, i feel so guilty, I'm going to call him on the Friday afternoon when I'm on my way to the airport as i think it a bit sh*t leaving and not saying bye, though i don't own him anything. I just feel guilty as i know he'll be upset that he hasn't actually said bye

OP’s posts: |
CodenameVillanelle Thu 10-Sep-20 15:14:32

Guilty? Knock that on the head. You owe him nothing.

FatArse123 Thu 10-Sep-20 15:19:15

Sod him. I agree you owe him nothing. I one had a boyfriend who was convinced I was cheating: I wasn't, turned out he was. Lesson learnt! When people don't trust you it's either a projection, or else they're going to fuck you over before you do the same to them. Either way, this is not a man of quality, well done for making the move!

Giraffe888 Thu 10-Sep-20 15:19:41

I wouldn't call him on the way to the airport as he will still try and stop you. He doesn't deserve a goodbye.

Good luck, you're doing the right thing x

Aposterhasnoname Thu 10-Sep-20 15:19:49

So he’s leeched off you for years, basically calls you a slag, attempts to control you, and it’s you that feels guilty.

Give your head a wobble, block his number, skip onto that plane and never give the twat a minutes headspace again,

Khadernawazkhan Thu 10-Sep-20 15:23:29

I would only call him when you've arrived back in the UK. The flight could be cancelled, delayed etc which might give him an opportunity to come and find you. Go very carefully. Please.

girlwithadragontattoo Thu 10-Sep-20 15:24:10

Yeah he's a complete and utter leech and just lazy. He'll think nothing of going to his nans for money, he's 31 next month! I'm just so fed up of it. I can't wait to get home.
My friend has very kindly booked me a taxi from our head office (the company owner has been amazing about it all) because my suitcase he being brought here earlier in the week, we're having a small leaving do and then i get picked up and taken to the airport and that's it.
My friend said the same about not calling him. I just feel guilty for doing it and feel a little like i've left it all improperly if that makes sense

OP’s posts: |
Pootles34 Thu 10-Sep-20 15:27:34

He's treated you improperly - I agree with the others, don't call until you get back to the UK.

ColleagueFromMars Thu 10-Sep-20 15:27:43

Of course your don't owe him anything.

girlwithadragontattoo Thu 10-Sep-20 15:30:37

Once i leave the country my number is being deactivated so i have no plans to call him when i land, as far as I'm concerned that's it. I've blocked him on all social media, i did that weeks ago.
I don't feel as guilty as about it now, i'm just imagining how I'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and how I'd feel about it

OP’s posts: |
DrMorbius Thu 10-Sep-20 15:32:30

Just leave work and start your new life.

BewilderedDoughnut Thu 10-Sep-20 15:34:00

If you're feeling guilty just remember that he doesn't care about you... if he did he wouldn't treat you like shit. He'll be on to the next 'victim' before you've landed.

girlwithadragontattoo Thu 10-Sep-20 15:37:08

The funny thing is i know he's on tinder as i saw a notification on his phone the other day. I wasn't looking, he just asked how much % it had while it was charging. It doesn't even bother me, I haven't fancied him for at least year I'd say and I'm completely over it already.
He bought a box of comdoms and has been packing them while he's away lol. I think he's trying to get a reaction out of me, it has, I've been laughing about it with my friends back home. It's just pathetic

OP’s posts: |
Zaphodsotherhead Thu 10-Sep-20 15:37:48

He's basically lived off you - face it, he wouldn't stop you leaving because he loves you so much, he can just see his meal ticket flying off into the distance.

Good luck with your new life.

InfiniteSheldon Thu 10-Sep-20 15:38:22

You must work on your self esteem stop worrying about him, stop centering him. Your bext relationship must be one of equals don't let this happen again you are worth more

Bananalanacake Thu 10-Sep-20 15:38:25

He's a lazy shit who chooses not to work, well done on getting away. Men who don't work don't deserve to have women giving them attention at all.

Windmillwhirl Thu 10-Sep-20 15:41:39

Guilty? For wanting to get away from this loser. You owe him nothing.

JemimaTiggywinkle Thu 10-Sep-20 15:42:11

Well done for leaving, and I’m sorry you’ve had to sacrifice your job.
Don’t call him.. he will just upset you and travelling is stressful enough.

If you feel you have to, maybe send a text just before the plane takes off so you can feel you’ve said anything you needed to say.

MJMG2015 Thu 10-Sep-20 15:43:59

I do understand what you mean, but try to get over it. You owe him nothing.

Have a good 'good-bye' with your friends & shake it all off on the way to the airport - het on the plane ready to restart your life afresh!!!

lifestooshort123 Thu 10-Sep-20 15:44:18

Well done you! If you really want closure, you could always write to him once you've settled - no return address naturally - if you think it would help to get things off your chest. Good luck 🤞

girlwithadragontattoo Thu 10-Sep-20 15:46:29

I won't be contacting once I've gone, that's it. He has my email address but I'll be making a new one so i don't have to speak to him.
This has been a very long time coming!

OP’s posts: |
picklemewalnuts Thu 10-Sep-20 15:54:30

Maybe he could make trouble for you at the airport. I wouldn't risk it, to be honest. Leave him a note.

Notapheasantplucker Thu 10-Sep-20 15:55:38

Good on you OP.
I agree, you owe him nothing, so he wouldn't even so much as get a phone call from me.
But if you feel like you need to, I'd wait until you're actually through the check in gates at the airport so he'll have no way of stopping you then.

Cocklepops Thu 10-Sep-20 15:58:21

You need to get out of the taxi at the airport and sing to yourself the Bros classic ‘I Owe You Nothing’ (completely with the growl in the voice at Nothing) each time you even think of contacting this absolute sponge. Then once you’re on the plane, move onto something like ‘I Am The One and Only’ and forget him. He deserves no place in your life or your head.

justthecat Thu 10-Sep-20 16:02:23

Just remember WHY you’re leaving

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