I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, other than I need to vent, and probably for reassurance that I’m dealing with this in the right way.
Generally I have a good relationship with MIL, we get on well day to day and she’s mostly friendly, helpful with DS(3) etc. She definitely has a bit of a controlling nature, but most of the time I manage to do things my way without upsetting her and we rub along fine. Since me and DH have been together though (around 10 years), there’ll be one or two incidents a year where she is clearly annoyed at one or both of us. We will be given the cold shoulder for a week or two and then it usually blows over. Sometimes we know what the perceived slight is. On a few occasions we’ve been able to see her side, others we’ve both felt she’s being completely ridiculous. There have been other times where it has been completely out of the blue and we have no idea what’s up, and once or twice where we know it’s not related to anything we’ve done at all.
The last time was around a year ago. They had offered some childcare but then couldn’t manage it. It was very short notice and pretty stressful, but we understood and neither of us made any negative comment. It was DH that was told about this and for some reason she refused to speak to me. Neither of us have any idea why. I was completely ignored for over two weeks. I went round to try to speak to her to clear the air but she was really rude to me and left the room as apparently she was waiting on a phone call. Just like all the other times, it all blew over, she went back to normal and all has been well since.
Until now. DS’s weight is pushing into overweight, and we’ve asked family to cut down down on the biscuits and sweets. My family have listened. She hasn’t. She’s undermined me twice where I’ve said he’s not to have anything else and given him something anyway. So I sent a message saying could she please cut down. She now apparently very upset at my message, I’m picking on her, I should have gone round to talk to her (because that went so well last time ) and not sent a ‘nasty’ text (DH read it before I sent it and agrees it was fine). He’s stood up for me and said we won’t back down on the junk food. So she’s told him she’ll see less of DS and doesn’t want to talk to me about it all.
So now I probably have at least a week of being ignored as ‘punishment’.
Yesterday this was fine. I know I shouldn’t engage with it. Let her get out of her strop, be the bigger person, no skin off my nose etc.
But despite this I’ve been awake most of the night. Frustrated that she won’t talk to me about it so I don’t get to get my point across. Annoyed that she’s using DS as a pawn to get to me - he absolutely adores them both, and actually just really upset that I’ve got to face being treated like this again. DH has been great but I’m hoping after this epic rant I can get some sleep as I have to get up for work shortly. Any advice from wise MNetters gratefully received!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Help me ride this out with MIL
lostmyzen · 08/09/2020 05:00
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