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DP recent very bad breath- what do I do

(50 Posts)
Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 11:57:32

Someone else recently posted a topic on this and it got me thinking also.

This sounds really gross so I am so sorry. For the past couple of days I have only just recently smelt bad breath on my DP which I know is clearly gum disease or an abyss. I know the sort of smell as my Farther suffered with it as he smoked for years too. DP smoked for 20 years before he met me. No wonder right?

We have been together for 2 years now (looking at places to live together at the moment as currently living apart) and this has really knocked me. I love him so much so as you can imagine this is driving me insane. Proper deal breaker. He tried kissing me the other day and I couldn't do it. I kept turning my head.

Now can he not smell it?

I can deal with a bit of bad teeth but when it comes to breath I just can't, especially if it's gum disease !!

I use a mouth wash myself which prevents the gum disease from forming I think it is a colgate one. Thinking of giving it to him next time I see him just for a hint.

I can't tell him it would really upset him.

What on earth do I do sad other people will catch onto it also which would be so embarrassing.

It will affect our relationship as I won't want to kiss him....

Sorry if I sound selfish and a nasty person here but I cannot continue sad

OP’s posts: |
Rewis Mon 31-Aug-20 12:05:37

Tell him. Then he can make changes. He can go to dentist and get a new teethclensing routine. You dont have to be mean about it, just say that lately you've noticed that his breath has changed and you think it might be him disease. Normal human would react to this by making changes. Wouldnt you want him to Tell you if the tables were turned?

Sakurami Mon 31-Aug-20 12:08:03

You've been together for 2 years - tell him.

My ex's friend had vile breath. He had a girlfriend and I don't understand how she didn't tell him. My ex didnt look after his teeth and his breath would smell at times and I told him.

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness Mon 31-Aug-20 12:08:26

I know how you feel. DH has terrible teeth - TBH he's probably going to have to get them removed & get a full denture in the next decade, they're gradually falling out, decaying or breaking off at the tip. Must be horrible for him, he's self conscious about it, & quite afraid of the dentist as they always have to do something. But yes, it does cause absolutely horrible breath, especially at night & first thing in the morning. He knows, though, & uses a strong minty toothpaste & mouthwash. I do have to poke him to roll over (away from me) in the night sometimes. sad I won't kiss him before he brushes them.

If it's not his teeth / a tooth, could it be an infection, or tonsil stones? Both can be sorted out.

Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 12:09:10

You are right @Rewis thank you

OP’s posts: |
growinggreyer Mon 31-Aug-20 12:11:42

He could try a water flosser. It is amazing how much stuff it blasts out from between your teeth. I used to wake up with a furry tongue and was always getting an infection in a pocket near my wisdom tooth but my mouth is so much fresher after using one. I love it!

Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 12:14:11

@Sakurami the thing is I don't want others to notice. I don't understand how on earth she couldn't have told him as I wouldn't even be able to kiss him.

It's tough love isn't it sad

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Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 12:14:53

@growinggreyer I have heard about them. Maybe an xmas present 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

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Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 12:18:07

@SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness

The thing is he can clean his teeth but I can still faintly smell it. It's just covered up. I do feel for you.

It does smell like an abyss or gum disease. I know what it smells like sad

OP’s posts: |
HavelockVetinari Mon 31-Aug-20 12:22:33

Please just tell him - if you've been together 2 years then your relationship should be able to take this kind of honesty. If you keep avoiding kissing then he'll think you don't love him any more.

titchy Mon 31-Aug-20 12:33:54

If you've only just started to notice it, and his oral hygiene has been reasonable so far, then that points to either an abscess (not abyss!) or tonsil stones - both of which need treatment.

You'd point out if a cut looked infected and needed antibiotics wouldn't you? This is the same.

purplecorkheart Mon 31-Aug-20 12:35:25

He needs to make an appointment with the dentist. Could be a Tonsil stone.

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness Mon 31-Aug-20 12:36:09

In that case @Stargirl89 it sounds more likely to be some kind of infection, or infected matter stuck somewhere. As, when my DH brushes his teeth, his breath is fine for a few hours - as long as he doesn't have a tooth either actively rotting or slowly falling out. He does have quite a lot of dental plaque, due to receding gums, but as long as he brushes properly & uses the water flosser, it's usually ok in the daytime.

SoulofanAggron Mon 31-Aug-20 12:40:50

As a PP said, I have heard that a water flosser is great, someone I met had it recommended by a dentist. He had lost a few back teeth by not looking after his teeth properly. After he got the flosser he didn't lose any further teeth over the year since.

growinggreyer Mon 31-Aug-20 12:41:00

Another thing - it could be an ear infection. There is a tube that links to the sinuses which can convey the smell of infection and it does smell grotty. Start the conversation by asking him whether his dentist is seeing patients yet and take it from there.

MitziK Mon 31-Aug-20 12:42:24

Could be tonsil stones - they smell rancid even after brushing, mouthwashes and the like and don't come out easily. Or a tonsil infection. He might just need a dental checkup and a hygienist appointment to clean out any pocketing around his teeth. Does he floss or use interdental brushes at all? Mouthwash doesn't do anything to remove trapped food particles under the gumline, it needs to be physically removed.

Has he started snoring a bit? If his tonsils are swollen, that can be a symptom of infection.

As some of these - tonsil abscesses, for example - can have serious consequences, you need to tell him.

Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 12:48:39

@titchy his hygiene has always been ok but I think this is an infection. I really hope not gum disease.

Not tonsil stones.

OP’s posts: |
Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 13:03:17

Thanks for all the messages. No snoring and no ear infection. His teeth are not 100% up to scratch as smoked for a long time. I know it's something to do with that sad

OP’s posts: |
BeeyatchPlease Mon 31-Aug-20 13:07:31

Try getting him to use hydrogen peroxide as a mouthwash, it truly is amazing stuff and blasts any kind of bad breath smell. My friend is a dentist and swears by it.

Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 13:13:43

@BeeyatchPlease thank you very much. It's great probably to cover up the smell but does it sore out any infection? X

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Sssloou Mon 31-Aug-20 13:14:32

It seems that your DF bad breath / smoking / gum disease has really affected you. Probably because it was never addressed and you all endured both the stench, the shame with others smelling it as well as some sort of stress of not being able to speak up about it.

Most people who have bad breath can’t smell it themselves - so need to be informed....just like if they have spinach stuck in their teeth etc - it’s ruder not to mention it IMO.

He likely will have consequences for long term smoking - but this doesn’t mean that there are not any management or treatment strategies available now that he could get involved with. You sound alarmed about it all - it doesn’t have to be like your DF.

Stargirl89 Mon 31-Aug-20 13:27:52

Thank you @Sssloou for your message. Only thing I am alarmed at is having to mention it to him. Gotta be cruel to be kind in this circumstance.

I am just putting myself in his position I would be mortified but rather be told.

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ravenmum Mon 31-Aug-20 13:31:47

If you can't tell him, who will? He might have an issue that will get worse if left untreated and end up as something more serious - his teeth falling out or something. Just say "Oooh, your breath has changed, it smells like it could be gum disease. That needs urgent treatment, make yourself a dentist's appointment this week!" How could that offend him?

ravenmum Mon 31-Aug-20 13:33:13

Don't give him mouthwash, as it is clearly a dentist problem, not a personal hygiene problem. Mouthwash would cover it up and allow it to fester even longer!

Palavah Mon 31-Aug-20 13:38:10

You don't have to say "your breath smells foul, I couldn't bear to kiss you".
You can open with "your breath smells really different from normal - have you noticed anything?"

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