Hi, im writing this because ive just had a big argument with my partner and im at my last straw with it all. i just want to leave.
My partner doesnt help me, when the baby was born and he had 2 weeks off he helped me for about 3 days and then played his game from the moment he woke up till about 5am in the morning, on rare occasions he would get me something like a nappy or fill the bath up. He left rubbish everywhere, told me i was being fake when i was crying with big contractions and was annoyed he had to have the baby during it. I had postnatal depression and 3rd degree stitches and he just didnt understand how hard i was dealing with it all. just 1 week before the baby arrived i moved away from my family to be with him, im young and have never had the resposbility of a house so it was a lot and i was also away from them all, i was haveing a bad time breastfeeding too.
Id get so upset and stressed, id be exhausted juggling everything whilst he played his game and complained when i asked for help, he would say his friends need him and that hes busy which is why he cant help me. Id get get so angry because hed even leave me on micriphone so all his friends could listen, theyd make small comments about me and some would laugh at me after. Id turn his mic of telling him to come help and hed laugh, mock me or angrily tell to fuk off because ge was busy whilst switching it back on. Id get so stressed that id just brust in tears and start to scream at him, haveing a full on break down and he would blank me and not hear me or care, or whilst im on micriphone.The more the shouting went on and the more he would blank me and not care about what i was saying, id snap and id hit him, id pick his controller up and throw it. Id loose my shit :/ i know thats so bad especially with the baby... its so toxic and i dont want this for my little girl. When this happens he will storm upsrairs and like, now im really not helping. Ar the end of it i end up feeling guilty because he didnt say anything wrong? and im the one who went mental so i say sorry. the cycle continues.
He does love her, you can really tell but he runs away and gets defensive when he has to have any responsibilty. Ive started leaving him with her whilst i go shopping one a week for a couple hours, when i come home he gets angry and sometimes refuses ro help me put the shopping away because i was too long and she cried for ages... even though he knows i pumped a bottle.
Before things blew up too :/ the little one had been up since 2am meaning i was to, partner was fast asleep. i asked him at 7am if he can get up with her so i can have an hour to sleep, i was being picked up in 2 hours to go shopping to buy HIS food and was getting a really bad headache. He tried for 10mins, then said shes hungry. i breastfed her and she didnt want any, i turn around and hes going asleep. im basicly asking him to get up, he tells me hes tierd though and thibgs intensify. He walks down to make food, i follow asking him to have ger he turns gis back to me and says ni im hungry now. i hit his back.
Its so toxic and bad for the baby, i always feel like i cause it but he antagonizes me. I want to leave but at the same time i dont, i love him. Why is he like this, i know im in the wrong too and dont help the situation either.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
new baby, toxic relationship, he pushes me to the limit where i hit. things are F*cked i need advice
Jaz12345x · 20/06/2020 08:26
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