I’ve been involved with my (now former) tutor for 2 years. He’s a lot older than me and married with kids. I’m single. The relationship has never been sexual, but definitely emotional and he’s been happy to ask for (and receive) naked pics of me on occasion. We kiss, hold hands etc. but nothing more - he tells me he’s retired from sex.
I had a difficult childhood, inconsistent love and attention from my parents. Mum was an alcoholic, both her and my dad were abusive in different ways. It was turbulent, volatile and often traumatic. As a result, I’ve never been good in relationships. I become obsessive and certainly have an addictive personality. There’s never been a healthy balance, and I’m not sure there ever can be.
So, this man, I’d describe him as a narcissist, he loves the ego boost he gets from me and I’m basically taken out of my box for him to play with whenever he feels like it. Most of the time, I get radio silence with the odd crumb thrown in to keep me sweet. I’ve tried walking away several times now, and each time I go back. I’m addicted to the crumbs and the toxic nature of it. He’s aware that it’s toxic for me, and he knows I need more from him (in terms of attention, not sex) yet he doesn’t make any effort.
Most recently, I tried walking away and he said he’d miss me etc. and he didn’t understand what issues our set up was causing for me. So here I am again, back in the misery of waiting around for his messages, and mainly being ignored. I feel like I’ve lost myself.
I’m aware that I’ll probably get flamed but if there are any people here who can offer support, it would be much appreciated. I have a couple of friends who know about this and they help a lot, but I’m struggling. Really struggling.
I take antidepressants, and I’ve had counselling in the past. Both help to some extent but I’m still in a mess. My options are to move on (I’ve tried) or to stick around and accept it for what it is (also tried). I’m at a loss.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Stuck between a rock and a hard place
namechange1619 · 22/05/2020 15:12
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