need to off load and I don't know if how im feeling is unreasonable or not.
im divorced with 2 children. Been with new boyfriend for around 18 months. He was with his ex who had a baby weeks after they got together (she had no idea she was pregnant (not his), gave birth after stomach cramps) he stuck around. they split when the child was around 4-5 years old. child is now 10. they never lived together
When he left his ex he told me he would be called that the child would scream and cry that she wasn't seeing him so he then saw her.
The child sees him and calls him daddy and dp gets 'daddy' gifts on birthday xmas an fathers day. He absolutely spoils this child, basically what child wants child gets, and easily spends up to £100 on the child every weekend, meals out toys etc, which can be heartbreaking for me when im with them with my children they watch this child asking for things and I have to say to no to mine cause I cant afford xyz. I brought this up with dp who said hed try to get child not to ask for things when we are around
at first I admired his involvement however as time has gone on im not sure how I feel anymore. iv learned that the biloical father wasn't on the scene but has been for the last few years now and the child sees the bioligcal dad maybe once a month (he lives far away)
me and dp once went to a local park where we saw this child with the biloical dad, looks were exchanged between the 'dads' and I found it extremely uncomfortable.
he obviously keeps in contact with his ex for the child and when they message she always very friendly and sends kisses and heart emojis which he doesn't do back and says theres no meaning from her in it but still makes me feel uncomfortable.. I mean I certainly wouldn't do that to my ex.. and as far as im aware they were both single for a few years til he got with me, to which she then sent him a message saying she didn't want him seeing me when he had her child as he "had other days to spend with your girlfriend"...dp respected that at first then told her that he was with me long term and I would be in his life from now on and I think she reluctantly agreed I could be around.
My dp has made it clear that he will not play a step dad role to my children which I respected as I was not looking for a new dad as they have their dad in their lives.
Dp has expesssed hed like a child of his own with me which I was open to but the more iv thought about it the more I don't agree with the logistics? if that's the word.... he had said in a passing comment to his exs child if we had a baby this child would have a brother or sister.. I do not see it this way atall. if im around this child I look after the child as my own but I have no feelings towards the child.. to me the child is just his exs child nothing more. Im starting to cringe when I hear the child referring to dp as daddy. the child knows dp is not the "real dad"
I certainly feel a divide, like he has his "family" with his ex and me and my children wont ever feel like a family with him..
I feel like the ex shouldn't have allowed him to still be known as daddy, especially as he left when the child was still young.. or is that just unreasonable of me.. im probably making no sense here.. I guess im strugging with the fact that hes heavily envolved with a child that's his exs and he left when the child was young, didn't live together etc and I feel like I wont be able to move on with him with OUR lives if hes still living in his exs past. I just don't know what to do.. I love him dearly but this situation is making me miserable but don't know if im just being unreasonable, selfish maybe? iv tried looking for advice on similar situation but haven't found anthing. iv tried to talk to DP abou how im feeling but hes not easy to talk to and doesn't see a problem
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Relationships
DP and his Ex's kid (not his)
honeybumsugarplum · 06/11/2019 18:11
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