Keen as mustard after first date .... then seems not

[Polly46219]

Ok so I’m 48, divorced and I think I’m quite streetwise. I joined Match fairly recently for a second time (first time was a bit of a disaster) and started chatting to a nice guy. We met up on Thursday and for once(!) there was an instant attraction between us. We sat on a sofa in a country pub and talked about everything; it was effortless. He kissed me and we just couldn’t stop looking at each other - this has never happened before. At the end of the night, we kissed goodbye, we both said we wanted to see each other again and off we went in our separate cars. He rang me when he got home saying he thought I was a lovely person and couldn’t wait to see me again. He messaged me yesterday a few times throughout the day (he was at the races with clients) and he’d got a bit drunk. He later messaged saying he wish he could see me now etc - it was funny. Then today, distinctly cold. Admittedly, he had a massive hangover but the few times I’ve logged into Match he’s been online the whole time. I asked if we were still on for Monday and he said yes that would be good, but that’s only because I prompted him. I’m getting a bad vibe already. Just read what I’ve written here and I sound like a psycho! But this is what I’m feeling. Do you think I’m over-reacting?

[RagingWhoreBag]

You’ve only had one date so try and back off a little, don’t get emotionally over invested yet. Plenty of people go on dates with several people at once, only once they have the “are we exclusive” chat do they stop shopping around. Personally I couldn’t do that, but I don’t think it’s unusual. See how your next date goes and don’t get ahead of yourself.

[Polly46219]

Thanks RWB (I’m sure you’re not 😆). I have a 4 year old whereas he has a 14 year old. He goes out quite a bit and has lots of holidays - I’m half wondering if someone like me would be too much of a tie, although he knew all this before he met up with me. But you’re right, I’ll stop overthinking and just see what happens. It’s just annoying as there was clearly a connection - dating has got so bloody complicated!

[JennyHolzersGhost]

He was drunk and got the horn and was too up-front about it and now he’s embarrassed. Just keep a level head, don’t read too much into it, see him a second time and take it slowly.

[Cherries101]

In OLD it’s quite commonplace to have multiple first dates over a few days . It’s very possible he’s met someone else. Just continue to play the field and don’t get too attached.

[SunflowerJo08]

I'd say keep an open mind - perhaps he has the exact same reservations as you do? Go for the next date and see how you go.

[KlutzyDraconequus]

I had 7 dates with a woman not too long ago, seemed quite keen in me and I thought we were ok. Then she suddenly stopped texting, wouldn't reply, blocked me.

As Jim Morrison said.. people are strange.

[Equalityumber]

I would definitely temper my expectations. If you feel there’s been a shift in his communication then something is likely to be off. You can only wait and see what happens Monday, but maybe prepare for it not to happen and have some back up plans just incase.

[Polly46219]

Thank you all for your advice. I shall just chill out a bit and see what happens on Monday. He is a grown up (meaning not from the constant texting generation) and prefers to speak on the phone. He’s already had two dates prior to me and was fairly upfront with them that there was no spark for him so I think he’s a decent type of man and not one to keep me dangling for his amusement. I’ll keep you posted, assuming you’re interested 😊 enjoy your Sundays

[bigchris]

Just to let you know when I was on match often the light was green when I wasn't on there

[Polly46219]

Really bigchris? How can that be? 🤔

[empmalswa]

It's really common to show people as online when they are not. I suspect match does it to make people appear more active than they are for people looking for dates.

[Notacluewhatthisis]

Lots of sites/apps do this.

Facebook shows I am online when I am asleep. Definitely not on it. It's only if I turn my data and Wi-Fi off, that it shows I am offline

[RagingWhoreBag]

I guess if you’re logged in to the app or website, even if you’re looking at something in a different window, it will show you as online. I wouldn’t read too much into than stuff. On FB I can be messaging with someone, then click onto MN or something but I’m still logged into FB and the window is still active, I’m just looking at something else.

Hope you have a nice date tomorrow. And if not, he’s not the one.

[Bluemascara4]

Did you hear back from him OP?

[Vitalogy]

Try and keep calm OP. Sounds like a great start. Hope all went well today.

[Polly46219]

Good evening mumsnetters 😊 so, he called on the Monday and invited me to his. We talked all night, it was such a lovely evening. I ribbed him a bit about always being logged into Match and called him Mr Green Dot - he said he was only going online to check if I was and said I was always online too! We left the joke there; I didn’t want to make a big thing of it. He admitted that when he was looking initially he didn’t really want somebody with a young child as he’s been there, done that and it worries him about the tie. However he did say that he might end up falling head over heels in love with me and then it wouldn’t be a problem - he knows we come as a package. This morning on the way home I stopped at the services and sent him a text saying thank you for a lovely night and he replied ‘no probs enjoyed it xx’. Man of few words but I was hoping for a bit more. We haven’t arranged to meet again although he said ‘when are you next free?’ and I said this weekend - he already has a weekend away planned and it was left at that. I’ve decided just to do my thing and if he really wants me, he’ll be in contact. I completely get his preference to not wanting someone with a 4 year old so I’m not angry with him, at least he was honest. He is a lovely man - I don’t think he’s a player. Im not going to over-analyse it as I know it will mess with my head. What will be will be 💁🏼‍♀️

[BundyLancroft]

On your way home in the morning, OP? You go girl!!!!

[Polly46219]

Er yeah 🙈😂😁

[BundyLancroft]

From one overanalyser to another, make sure you don't let that intrude and ruin things. Enjoy it, keep it chilled and simple and good luck!

[BundyLancroft]

By "that" I mean the overanalysing, not that

[RagingWhoreBag]

Ah I’m glad you had a good night. Yes god plan to leave the ball in his court now and see how keen he is this time! Equally, you don’t have to sit around to see if he picks you. It’s your choice too.

[crappyday2018]

Just be careful OP if he is talking about 'falling in love' etc too early. This is always a massive red flag and its so easy to get carried away with it all. Like the others have said, just keep a level head and just always assume he's talking to others too. I would also suggest keeping your options open. I do genuinely hope it works out for you with him though - its nice to hear a success story.

[Polly46219]

I got you bundy 😉😂 I just hope he gets in touch and realises how amazing I am 😂 if not, his loss, he wasn’t the one x

[Milliy]

He seemed keen and then on second date you went to his. Sounds like he had sex in his mind rather than a relationship. So you had sex and you texted him to say thank you in the morning after leaving him. I wouldn't contact him again if it were me. I think he may have got all he was interested in. I think going out for a few more dates to get to know each other is better in the beginning to weed out those just interested in sex. Unless that's all you want to of course.

[Delancy]

It sounds to me like he was after someone harder to get? Sorry to be blunt about it.