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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Husband making divorce difficult

53 replies

Sloulou88 · 14/07/2018 20:40

So I submitted the papers (finally!!)

He has said he will contest the divorce - I tried keeping the reasons nice -ie he left family home, no sexual activity etc (but in reality it’s far worse than this!)

Once I told him I had sent the papers he said “hope you have lots of money saved you disgusting piece of s*t”

What are my options? He HATES me so I’m not sure what grounds he would have to contest? Would it go to court? Is he even likely to contest? Am I going to be forced to be married to him forever?? He’s constantly messaging me with horrible messages and being intimidating on pick up so why he wants to stay married is beyond me. I’m so scared and just want him out of my life as smoothly as possible (well not completely as we have a child!)

OP posts:

Report

Readyfortheschoolhols · 14/07/2018 20:42

Just because he may contest it doesn't mean a judge won't grant it!!
No more Miss Nice Girl though, get that honest list written incase you need it.

Sloulou88 · 14/07/2018 20:44

Oh I have pages and pages!!

So if he contested what would happen? If it’s ridiculous like “oh she’s so horrible etc” (as he says he’s going to do!) would it even go to court or be dismissed before then?

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 14/07/2018 20:45

Defending a petition is technical and expensive.

Chances are he will just ignore it so you will have to serve personally, and then send in the decree nisi application.

Don't worry until he actually effectively defends.

Ellie56 · 14/07/2018 20:47

No of course you do not have to stay married to this knob forever.

Sloulou88 · 14/07/2018 20:58

I can’t afford court 😢 if he defends I’m screwed!

OP posts:

lifebegins50 · 14/07/2018 21:07

He just wants the control.
I tried to divorce ex, he threatened me so I let him petition on advice from solicitor.I thought it would make it amicable.

Not sure it was wise as a bully never is placated.

Push ahead and see how he responds.
What are finances like? This is where the real fight will be

Sloulou88 · 14/07/2018 21:14

We have no house no finances to sort (were a pretty poor couple !) I was a student (now a professional) but no joint accounts mortgages houses nothing xxx

OP posts:

Ellie56 · 14/07/2018 21:19

Information here:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/getting-a-divorce/

If your DH is being intimidating, ring Women's Aid for advice.

LesLavandes · 14/07/2018 21:22

He needs a lot of money to defend a divorce. OP. Please try to relax. It won't happen. 🤗

Sloulou88 · 14/07/2018 21:23

Oh guys wish I could be as confident as you that he won’t!!!

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 14/07/2018 21:31

There really is no point worrying until he does.

I get scores of respondents saying they will defend every year.

Only one or two actually have. And both times, they gave up.

Sloulou88 · 14/07/2018 21:46

Thanks. In that case would it just be a delay then?

I’m worried he’s so nasty and out to hurt me that he actually will! I need to stop worrying!

OP posts:

NorthernSpirit · 15/07/2018 08:33

He’s a bully and trying to intimidate you.

Make sure you screen shot, save all communication from him that can help you in your case.

Of course you can divorce him (he sounds an absolute arse). And it needn’t cost a fortune.

If he does defend, you can actually represent yourself in some of the hearings to keep costs down (and take in a ‘MacKenzie Friend’ for support).

Wickdivorce is full of useful information.

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/

Remember, he’s trying to bully you.

SoapOnARoap · 15/07/2018 11:21

Divorce can do the weirdest things to people. Think you’re going to need to accept, he’ll do all he can to get the best settlement, surely as would you, if the situation was reversed? Good luck

category12 · 15/07/2018 11:31

If you're both poor, he can't afford court either. It's likely hot air. He can drag it out but that's all.

Singlenotsingle · 15/07/2018 11:44

Presumably you're divorcing him on grounds of unreasonable behaviour? He can defend but it would be expensive, and pointless really. You would just withdraw the petition and reissue on grounds of a 2 year separation. (If you've been separated 2 years!?) At the end of the day if he won't agree, you can do it on 5 years separation, and it won't matter if he agrees or not! So you won't be married forever - it may take a bit longer than you wanted, that's all.

LovelyBath77 · 15/07/2018 11:51

Can you get legal aid to help perhaps? with costs I mean if he does contest

Gemini69 · 15/07/2018 11:52

he sound vile OP... stay focused and positive... don't engage with him on any level

Sloulou88 · 16/07/2018 17:15

Hi so emailed the court today for an update- they emailed me the documents on the 5th (haven't got them? asked them to re send will they??) no response from him .....

OP posts:

Sloulou88 · 16/07/2018 17:16

I am not POOR any more I am a nurse- but what do nurses earn? Not enough to go to court!!!

OP posts:

Gemini69 · 16/07/2018 18:00

check they have your correct email address OP.. that sounds suspicious

category12 · 16/07/2018 18:09

You used poor, sorry if it offended - not exactly rolling in it myself. Just wondering where you think he'll get the money to defend it if you were a "pretty poor couple".

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Sloulou88 · 16/07/2018 18:15

@Gemini69 they said they sent it to !"this email address" (the one they emailed me on today)- It is online as I did the whole online new thing they have going on. I have emailed them back said there is nothing and can they resend.

@category12 Didn't offend at all! We WERE POOR, I was a student and he was an apprentice (not sure on his current situation though from what I gather hes not exactly well off!) I have moved on and done really well for myself since we broke up so I guess that's something to come out of all of this!

Hoping now they can resend me the documents, I have no idea what to do next etc- I hope to god he doesn't actually defend. He is daft enough to do so though as hes "always right"

OP posts:

NotTheFordType · 16/07/2018 20:03

OP, have you had a look in your spam/junk folder? If they sent something with a large attachment, some email providers automatically send it to spam (looking at you, Hotmail)

HollowTalk · 16/07/2018 20:09

OK let's take the worst case scenario and he takes you to court. What's he going to say - that you behaved so badly that he wants to stay married to you? That he disagrees with everything you've said and wants to make his own claim? Honestly, he's an idiot. You can get a divorce - of course you won't have to stay married to him forever! Let him pay. I wouldn't pay a penny. If it went to court I'd happily stand there and tell the absolute truth.

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