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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am I asking for trouble? OLD

33 replies

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 07:18

I got talking to a guy online about 2 months ago who seems lovely, we hit it off instantly. However, he lives nearly 2 hours away from me & we very quickly both agreed that it wouldn't go anywhere we wouldn't meet but we got on so well as friends we swapped numbers & have counselled each other through some other bad dates.
Fast forward to now & we've decided to meet, i fancy the arse of off him & I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. He's coming to spend the w/e where I live in a few weeks.
We both have kids, so know that it really couldn't work.
Do I just need to chill out, not get ahead of myself and have a fun weekend or am I setting myself up for heartbreak?

OP posts:

Report

loveyoutothemoon · 20/04/2018 07:25

Don't let him stay with you the first time you meet!

FailingTheBoyfriendExam · 20/04/2018 07:31

It seems you already know to beware - and personally, I wouldn't want a long term relationship with somebody.

But - you never know what life has planned for you. There is a dating thread on another forum I'm on (cars) - and on that, one guy just got married to a woman he met online. From the way he tells it, they lived miles apart - literally other ends of the country. She contacted him, and he said : No, we live too far apart. They got on great, and she refused to give up - fast forward a couple of years, and he moved up there, they lived together and tied the knot.

No kids in that, so I appreciate it's more complicated - but you just never know.

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 07:32

Loveyoutothemoon he's booked a hotel

OP posts:

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 07:37

I know it's not ideal, I just feel like it's an itch I've got to scratch. I'm not a daydreamer I have my feet firmly on the ground.
I just swing between what am I doing & go with the flow! I know that long distance can work but not usually when kids/busy lives are involved!!

OP posts:

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 20/04/2018 07:43

Why can it not work if you both have kids?
Sure, it makes it more complex but not impossible. You also don’t know if you’ll fancy him in real life - whether there’ll actually be any chemistry - there might be but equally there might not be. You’ll have to wait and see but you’ll know that pretty much straight away.

There’s no knowing so many things until you actually meet him - enjoy it, have fun, be safe and just don’t have too many expectations.

He could be ‘the one’ in which case you’ll overcome the obstacles but if not you’ll have had a fun weekend and can remain friends.

MarieG10 · 20/04/2018 07:44

Just surprised you are even thinking of it...all it will do is potentially set you up for a long distance relationship and give you angst with the effort involved. Why not be firm and scratch the itch another way?

TuTru · 20/04/2018 07:50

It might work out, it might not. Nobody ever really knows these things in advance even if they live close to each other. You should just do whatever you feel you want to do, but don’t rush anything (which I don’t think you are) and look after yourself xx

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 07:53

MarieG we did try but we honestly get on so so well & there is most definitely a connection there I feel like I will regret it if I don't meet him.

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avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 07:56

Thanks onemore I'm most definitely not rushing things, we're both in our 40's so not kids.
I'll be careful & sensible and I guess what will be will be

OP posts:

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 07:57

Thanks TuTru

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MadMags · 20/04/2018 07:58

How old are both your dc? If they’re teens then it has a better chance of working, IMO.

Sally2791 · 20/04/2018 08:03

Go for it. It's rare enough to meet people who tick your boxes,meet and be open to whatever happens. If it's good you'll make it work.

HundredMilesAnHour · 20/04/2018 08:16

2 hours really isn't far. In fact I'm surprised that you both think it's far but at least you're compatible having the same view! It's not like he's on the other side of the world. I'm quite amused that he's booked a hotel when he only lives 2 hours away. I know it's more complicated when you have kids but 2 hours is not a reason to not give things a try. Unless of course you live in the middle of nowhere with no public transport and neither of you drive. Then 2 hours is a problem I guess.

Pasdeprobleme · 20/04/2018 08:21

I would say the main problem is committing yourself to a weekend with someone you have never met. Chatting online is completely different.

I arranged to meet someone I had been talking to online and my heart sank as I drove past to park the car as I knew on sight he was not my type. I met him out of politeness for an hour but it was hard work. You need a get out!

Storm4star · 20/04/2018 08:35

I’m inclined to agree and say just go for it! As you said, your grown adults and if you don’t give this a go you’ll always be wondering “what if?” I hate what ifs! I once flew to Sardinia to meet a guy! (There was a backstory, he wasn’t a total stranger). Ultimately the distance did separate us but we had some wonderful times together that we both cherish. 2 hours away is not an extreme scenario like mine was so i don’t see that you have anything to lose. Good luck and enjoy your weekend 😊

GameChanger01 · 20/04/2018 08:36

How do you know you get on so well with someone you have never met

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 08:39

Madmags DC's age range from 18-10 so none of them are v young.

OP posts:

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 20/04/2018 08:41

I agree the same spark might not be there in person, which in a way would be good because you wouldn't be left with all the what ifs.

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 08:41

Hundredmiles he's booked a hotel as we're not meeting until the Saturday evening so the plan is to meet when we're dressed up ( I want to look AMAZING) go for a meal & drinks so he couldn't drive back

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MadMags · 20/04/2018 08:41

Ach, then it could absolutely work!

A couple of years of taking it slow. Then, by the time youngest is a teen and not wanting/needing parents around as much you can start to introduce each other etc. etc.

It’s only two hours. I think it’s good that you’ve your feet on the ground. But I wouldn’t write it off completely, either!

avocadosrus · 20/04/2018 08:44

I know that the spark might not be there & we've talked about that and said that if it isn't for either of us then we will be honest and say. I do think I that we'll have a good night though no matter what.
Yes, I know that 2 hours isn't far, I keep telling him that it's just down the road! Some people do that commute to work everyday!!!

OP posts:

Pasdeprobleme · 20/04/2018 08:45

Oh it’s just the Saturday night then!

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Storm4star · 20/04/2018 08:49

On the OLD threads I often see that question of “but you’ve never met in real life” (sorry not sure how to quote on here) I’ve been doing OLD on and off for years, in between long term relationships. If you talk to someone on the phone and the call lasts hours, as some of mine have, and there’s not a single moment where you run out of things to say. Then that’s a pretty good indicator that you get on well. Especially as OP says they have counselled each other over other dates.

I travelled to another city in 2013 to meet a guy that i’d only spoken to on the phone and did the same that this guy is doing, stayed in a hotel. By the end of 2013 this guy had moved in with me and we were together until last year. The fact we’re not still together I don’t see as a failure. It had run its course. But I don’t for one second regret the relationship.

I understand exercising caution. But this guy is staying in a hotel, not at OPs home. I just think if you don’t take a few chances in life you may as well just hole up in your home and never even bother with anyone!

fabulousfrumpyfeet · 20/04/2018 08:53

2 hours really doesn't seem a lot, you could easily drive that in a day. Hope it goes well!

meowimacat · 20/04/2018 10:09

Go for it! Have fun and even if it goes nowhere you had fun. But it definitely could work- but only if you are both on the same page that you would give it a chance to work and put the effort in.

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