Hello, it’s my first time posting on here, sorry if I go on.
I’ve been with my husband for 17 yrs, married for almost 3 yrs; we have three children between us but none together (miscarried 4 yrs ago but that’s another story).
I’m interested to know how others would feel in my situation.
We both work (him full time, I do 33 hrs avg per week) but I do 100% of the housework. This is how it has always been, my fault for letting it be like that I think. He comes food shopping with me most 75% of the time, he pays when he’s there, I pay if not. We have separate bank accounts, no joint account, no mortgage/rent outgoings each month as the house is part of his job; I realise how lucky we are in that respect.
I’m at the point now where I have had enough. Clothes are aimed at the washing basket or dropped down the stairs for me to wash, he doesn’t know how to use the washing machine he says. He wears shirts everyday for work, I have to iron them all; he will ask me to rather than do one himself.
He doesn’t cook, tidy up after himself, do any household chores at all (not even the garden or remembering to put bins out, I text him from work to remind him).
I’ve recently started to wonder what I am in this marriage for as apart from some food and that he pays for our holidays every year (where he chooses, never my type of holiday) there is little else. I suggested we have a joint account a few weeks ago and he said no as I’m “s* with money”. I’m not.
Our intimate life is almost non existent, I feel so resentful that I have lost all interest. We don’t socialise together, he has weekends away where he takes his son (19) as he doesn’t do anything on his own. It seems that my daughter and I have one life, they have another. Our family is very divided at the moment.
Another problem is my stepson, I have been in his life since he was 3. He left college almost 2 yrs ago and has not yet found, or applied for, a job. He is being given work by my husband as he sometimes needs extra help in his department at work, is earning around £11 ph extremely part time, so has no inclination to find a job which pays around half that. He spends most days in bed til 3pm, spends hours on his xbox/iPad, eats once a day, washes clothes when he’s run out of clean ones, reluctantly empties dishwasher or recycling bin when I ask and that’s it. Contributes nothing financially but my husband still pays for his phone and buys his food.
Mother’s Day last weekend made me really think. My husband turned down an invite to go to his family for lunch, saying we were doing something else. We didn’t do anyth8ng else, except he came with me to get some food so I could make afternoon tea and bought his deceased wife some flowers to take with his son to the crematorium. This was the first year that I did not get flowers/card/mention of mother’s day from my two stepsons. I am well supported by my daughter (17) who is almost as frustrated as me.
I could go on but I think you probably get the picture.
I realise that I need to talk to him but I’m delaying things as he has the worst temper and will think he has done no wrong, he will turn things to make it seem like it’s me who is in the wrong. I’m not perfect but all I want is a happy home life, a loving husband and to feel like I’m supported.
Any advice will be greatly received.
Also, I have left him once before in 2008 for almost a year, lived apart for 6 yrs before moving back in and getting married.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I don’t know what to do, advice needed
SurreyH · 18/03/2018 10:34
You’ve been together a very long time and I guess have always done all this Wifework? You probably didn’t mind when you felt a connection and intimacy with him. But now that’s gone. You are now little more than a maid. He’s done a number on you with the ‘I can’t work a washing machine’ and keeping you cowed down with his temper.
Time to set yourself free from this situation and re-discover yourself. There’s a whole world out there. The finances and logistics will work themselves out - go and see a solicitor and start looking at rental properties with your daughter.
Go for it 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.