Kind of been lied to grrrrrr

[Ahhh1234]

So a new guy joined work about 3 months ago. We had an instant connection and got on really well. Just chatting about day to day things. Things we had in common. We were having a work night out not long after he joined so invited him. He declined because he was going on holiday. Anyway not once in these 3 months has he mentioned a gf or implied a partner. He was talking as if a single guy.

My friend at work over heard the guy speaking to my manager about his gf. I work part time so only in 2 days a week. Anyway turns out they have been together 1 and a half years. He met her online. Apparently saying he isn't committed and taking it day by day. Saying he would like to meet someone at work or something because then you know they are real. Apparently his gf lied about her age.

I just feel hurt he kind of lied and implied he was single. Even last week he was asking if I was going to the work Xmas due and saying he weren't going unless I was. I need to back away from this guy but have feelings. Feel sad. Why do men want to have their cake and eat it???

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

Annoying. He's doing that monkey thing...not letting go of one branch, until he has hold of another one. Doesn't bode well for his next relationship though.

[TwitterQueen1]

Did he ask you out? Has he lied to you directly? Has he denied having a girlfriend?

This to me sounds to me like you have projected your feelings and wishes onto this man and now you've found out he isn't what you thought, you think he's misled you. He hasn't. You've misled yourself and imagined things that just aren't true.

[Ahhh1234]

That's why I said "Kind of" because the words I don't have a gf haven't come out of his mouth. But he has lied. I asked if he had a good weekend and done much he said he didn't do a lot. Where as my friend heard his say he was on a city break with her. So clearly lying. I'm not imagining the way he is with me. My friend even said he seems like he likes you. I backed off when I heard he had a gf and now he tries to talk to me more! I can't even escape as I work opposite the guy!

[Babyblues052]

I dont think he necessarily lied to you or even kind of lied. You don't know what his relationship is with his gf maybe they aren't committed like he says maybe they have an open relationship ECT ECT. You just don't know. So perhaps that's why he hasn't mentioned it yet. But I do think that you should steer clear. If it turns out he is in a fully committed relationship and you did take it further with him you'll be in the middle of a whole shit storm and it would sick to know you were the OW.
You could just drop it into conversation with him. As in "oh I heard you did xyz with your gf, did you have fun? I've always wanted to go there/do that" ECT.

[Babyblues052]

Suck not sick. Stupid phone :)

[Ahhh1234]

No true I guess I don't know their circumstances. He's told me he's deleted all social media. And when he spoke to my manager apparently said I deleted it because it was more hassle than it was worth. So could be unhealthy. Who knows. It's down to him to end it on his own accord, I don't want to get involved. Wish I had knew at the beginning now though

[Angelf1sh]

Best to stay clear but I don’t think he’s lied to you either. I don’t tell my work colleagues about my love life either but that doesn’t mean I’m lying to them about it. It sounds like you’ve built it up in your head to more than what it actually was. You’ll get over it though.

[Babyblues052]

Yep people fucking suck sometimes. But at least you're not overly invested. You'll be able to move on, be polite and civil for works sake but least you'll know you won't be someone's dirty little secret.

[Timefortea99]

Go into work, do your work, go home. You don't need to escape, you are not in a relationship. Keep things simple.

[Ahhh1234]

Your right blues some people do fucking suck.

Might find my Prince charming one day!

[Happyfoodie50]

Knowing he now has a girlfriend I would back off with the intention of pursuing him. I have this issue with my partner. He doesn’t mention me to the women he works with so it’s clear there are some of his colleagues think he’s available. He gets texts at the weekend about the football or what’s he up to. I just know they wouldn’t do this if they knew I was sitting there. Men keep their options open and I would be thinking he’s not open and therefore lying by omission. I think that’s what your feeling when saying he’s lied. I feel sorry for his girlfriend.

[AnyFucker]

Happy, if you feel sorry for this guy's gf why are you knowingly putting up with the same shitty treatment yourself ?

[Ahhh1234]

That's is what I mean happy. Lying by omission! He is willingly not mention he has a gf. Also why are you putting up with your husband's behaviour. Why isn't he telling work colleagues about You?

[Walkacrossthesand]

I'd have to drop a casual mention of his gf into the conversation as suggested above. Then he knows you know so he can't boost his ego by flirting with you while he goes home to his gf.

[ShatnersWig]

Sorry I'm with Angelfish. I don't think he has lied to you. He hasn't volunteered information to you which is not the same thing. Totally different if you had asked him "So, are you married, have a girlfriend, single?" and he said "Single" and isn't.

When I worked in a large office environment, I kept my work and home life completely separate. If someone asked me things outright I would answer honestly. But my work colleagues are colleagues and not my friends. I realise not everyone compartmentalises like that, but I do.

[TheNaze73]

I totally agree with Shatners

I wouldn’t volunteer personal information in the work place.

[Ahhh1234]

walk next week I think I will drop into convo about his gf. It's really annoyed me because I've been on the other side as the gf. And it isn't nice

[ShatnersWig]

Why? Seriously, what's it to you? In fact, what has it got to do with you unless he comes out and suggests the two of you go for a quiet drink sometimes?

You seem WAY too invested. You say you aren't imagining the way he is with you but actually you absolutely could be. Some people are just very friendly. I have a female best friend and a lot of people have said they see chemistry and assume we're a couple. There's never been anything between us in 15 years and never will be. Just because you think there is something doesn't make it so. Maybe he's just friendly with you because he likes to get on with his colleagues? Maybe he does like you and will dump his girlfriend at some point and ask you out?

At the moment, it all sounds like the playground and you're about 14.

[StormTreader]

I would drop in "oh, I heard you went to [city break] last weekend, how was it? I've been wondering about going there myself, did you guys go to any amazing restaurants youd recommend?"

[SaturnUranus]

Is it the same friend who is reporting back about overheard conversations and telling you that your co-worker likes you etc?

If so, it seems to me that they're enjoying the drama a little too much. Next time your friend tells you these things, tell them that actually you would rather not know.

I don't think the man has done anything wrong here. Your friend, not so much.

[swingofthings]

Even last week he was asking if I was going to the work Xmas due and saying he weren't going unless I was
This shows you read from it what you wanted to read. No way did it imply that he didn't have a girlfriend. It is something I would tell a work colleague even though I am happily married.

You are annoyed because even though he has only been there 3 months, you already classified him as boyfriend material. Maybe he wanted to make friends at work and didn't think he needed to make it clear he was single so that those only interested in him as a potential boyfriend could have the option to back off.

He did nothing wrong, and even if he was single, he would have been right not to consider a relationship with a coworker, especially when only months into the job.

[AnyFucker]

You sound almost predatory

[Olivetappas]

I feel sorry for his gf

[Olivetappas]

I feel sorry for his gf

I'd back off and leave him to it

[ShatnersBassoon]

None of this sounds like he's acted badly or been dishonest. He might like your company, but that doesn't mean he's even vaguely interested in having a romantic relationship with you.