Yes I completely agree with that uhok2016, but I would want to give it a try rather then not knowing or not if he wouldn't like it.
And I already having living arrangements up north if things get ugly here. Job as well. And I have no prob taking the medicine. I didn't feel much emotionally before taking my medication. And now, currently I wouldn't say that I'm better but I don't feel much anyhow. And I don't know if its because yesterday was a bad or because it was my medicine but today I feel numb in different places of my body. I'm applying more pressure on my right bottom as we speak just to know what a body feels like because my other is completely numb. So while emotionally I can barely feel anything I also can't feel parts of my body. No I'm not going in to the doctor either, they can't do anything for me anyway. I'd rather whither away. I don't wanna feel anything anyway the pain is unbearable.
As once I had a free mind for myself, I pictured things A LOT different. Before I moved down here I was informed from my (at the time) finance, his grandma had removed him from (Her will). And you know what he said?
That he was "Fine with it". That he was "OK WITH IT". Do you wanna know why he was taken out of the will? Ok, well let me enlighten you....
Apparently High Class isn't suppose to mix with Low Class. His Grandma had lady's left and right lined up for him from her church!
Well he didn't like that at all. Btw she wasn't the only one driving him past the chicken coop. Mom and dad were driving him crazy as well. Very good with manipulating that's for sure, except for his mom. She's the sweetest I've ever met. She was more worried and quiet. Anyway she ended up changing it because she found out I was moving down to be with him and ignored her threat. Because she didn't get to pick out who she wanted and because she thought, (Here's the BEST part)...
SHE THOUGHT THAT I WAS AFTER HER FORTUNE!!!!
Can you believe that! Well let me tell you something!!! Coming from a family that had SHIT growing up! And this is from experience.
When a person doesn't have anything, two things happen.
- You become a greedy bitch and want to steal shit
play dirty, marry for money, have sex to get that promotion the girl next door wants, ect! You know what I mean If you haven't been there you've seen someone do it. Yea you know that guy/girl that I'm talking about.
(Sips wine)
or you become this kinda person
- Kind and content living the way you do, (no matter if your father was a dirty scum bag) and it made living conditions ABSOLUTELY horrible at times. No matter how many times your mother was absent or how bad school was. The times when when you had to beg for money to join a sport to feel young like a child and didn't have to face reality for awhile. Anything and everything that ever makes a person to shrivel up into something less, no matter how hard it was. No matter what you have went through or still going through you choose to stay kind. Humble. And to love anyone no matter how bad your hurting for WHATEVER reason! (sorry to sound like a complete hippy freak lunatic but this me, whatever yall wanna classify me under)
For what it is....
HERE I AM WORLD!! I DON'T CARE IF I'M HURTING, YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT. (I can guarantee I won't hurt any worse) Now back to three...
- And to love anyone no matter how bad your hurting. AND...
(sips some wine)
To make someone feel like living once again. No matter what hell of havoc you once have possessed. Because you knew how it once was to rott internally and how to smooth it over with a beguiling charm. Your life consist of making others happy and YOU ARE CONTENT LIVING THE WAY YOU DO.
BOY, I sure had everyone of my friends tricked. They thought I had a perfect everything and life. Jokes. ON. THEM.
And lastly....
NUMBER THREE!!!
This mixes both number (1 &3 )
One is when you care absolutely about living the life you never did but have no intents of using foul play. Because you just can't stand cheating and lying. And HURTING PEOPLE because you know EXACTLY, how. it. feels...