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Christmas night without DC

(18 Posts)
frillysocks88 Sun 22-Oct-17 23:33:35

Split with ex last year, he has moved on and had new baby and now lives with his new partner. We are all quite amicable. My ex is a great dad and his partner is really lovely.

In previous years I would have went to my mums for dinner with DD and ex went to his mums and stepfathers. My family christmases aren’t all day events... usually people go home around 6ish. I’m not close at all with my family. We don’t hate each other but we just aren’t the same type of people iyswim. So I would then drive up to the ex’s parents house and spend the evening with them having a great time.

Obviously last year that didn’t happen as we had split. He came to see her in the morning. I then had dinner with my family then came home with my daughter. It was ok as I wasn’t alone and she was having a great time with her new toys. We then watched a movie and it was ok. I still felt like shit as I just would love to have a proper family Christmas. Like in the movies I suppose.

Today he informs me this is his year to have her overnight on Christmas night. (I’m not complaining about this at all)

I just feel a bit shit. I rang my best friend upset thinking after dinner at my mums and him collecting DD I’d go home and spend Christmas night alone. She has offered me to go to her house that night and celebrate with her family. She is so wonderful.

I suppose I’m just jealous that my DD is going to a wonderful family Christmas with my ex. And here I am lucky enough my friend has invited me or else I’d be on my own.

I’m not really sure what I’m asking. And obviously so grateful that my friend has offered me to go. It feels better that I’ve written that down at least.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 22-Oct-17 23:42:33

It's so hard when you separate. Actually I think your ex is being pretty mean, knowing you'd be on your own.

Go to your friends and sleep over there. Get through the day, have some wine and have a good time with your friend and think of next year when you can have your dc with you.

LemonShark Sun 22-Oct-17 23:45:17

OP I've spent some Christmas days alone and I went and volunteered instead. Those were the best Christmas days of my life. Being able to be there for others who really needed it on such an empty quiet day was invaluable.

Or go see friend if you don't fancy that or can't find anything evening-only. I usually volunteered 6-2 and then went to see a friend for a couple hours about 6. Was so lovely.

frillysocks88 Sun 22-Oct-17 23:46:57

I don’t really think he’s mean cos I know I’m my head we both have just as much right to spend Christmas with our daughter. So alternating it each year is only fair. I know I will have a good time with my friend I suppose I’m just feeling shit that it’s no longer happy families at Christmas time. I’m so lucky to have my friend.

frillysocks88 Sun 22-Oct-17 23:48:28

Lemon that sounds wonderful! What did you do volunteering? I’m quite interested as for future years I’d love to do something like this?!

springydaffs Mon 23-Oct-17 00:12:22

I volunteer at the homeless shelter over the christmas period. I absolutely love it! Start applying now in time for christmas if you'd like to give it a go. Where I volunteer there are many roles, not all directly working with the customers - it's your choice what you prefer to do. Shifts are usually 4 hours over the full 24 hours eg 6am-10am, 10am-2pm etc.

Yes it's great you have your lovely friend but I get you about not having your own family. It must be hard you've lost that great time with ex's parents at Christmas. You don't know what's ahead - but for now it hurts flowers

frillysocks88 Mon 23-Oct-17 00:20:30

Thanks springy smileit does hurt. I’m so determined not to let it get to me.

LemonShark Mon 23-Oct-17 00:32:00

I volunteer for a (the most) well known national helpline for people who are suicidal/need emotional support. The one that has posters up near train platforms and bridges smile

You have to be already qualified of course but if it appeals you can email your local branch and go to an info evening to see if you fancy it. Honestly the phone was off the hook the entire day. So many people having an awful time alone and so grateful to not have to be on their own fully x

Adarajames Mon 23-Oct-17 00:50:05

Frilly I also volunteer at the homeless shelter, been doing it for about 9 years now, and it's the best part of my Christmas smile

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 23-Oct-17 01:22:27

I've done many Christmases at homeless shelters.

One other idea is an 'orphan's' Christmas. Awful terminology! But FB everyone and say that yours will be an open house on Xmas night from x-y pm. Anyone who doesn't have Christmas people, those people are far away or like you divorced... is welcome. My friend does it every year.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 23-Oct-17 06:32:18

It is SO hard adjusting to life after a breakup, especially when children are involved, and especially during the holidays. My advice is to form some new traditions and new experiences to be excited about. Most importantly, be positive for your daughter and talk about the wonderful time she will have with her dad. It would be awful for her to feel guilty about not being with you. It's just one night. Plan some fun things for the both of you for the day before and the next. It will be ok, I promise!

TammyswansonTwo Mon 23-Oct-17 07:16:34

Honestly I can't even imagine, my heart really goes out to you.

I would focus on starting some Christmas Eve traditions so they can be your focus. Gifts of new pyjamas, book and a film maybe, cuddle up on the sofa together and enjoy that time. I'm glad you have a lovely friend to visit. I once spent Christmas alone and found it so depressing - there are usually people you know in a similar boat, can be good to all get together and enjoy.

TheNaze73 Mon 23-Oct-17 07:43:11

People who are saying the ex is being mean aren’t being fair.

I think you should be positive about this, best part of the day for children with DC & a chance to kick back with adult company in the evening. Sounds great. Best of both worlds

Charley50 Mon 23-Oct-17 07:49:16

My DS always spent alternate xmas at his dads. It was fine. Like PPs have said, be happy for your DD and just plan something for yourself every other year.

Chocolatecake12 Mon 23-Oct-17 07:50:19

I actually think you are getting a good deal In that you get her for most of the day, you get to see her face light up on Christmas morning and get to see her open her presents. You will have most of the day with her and then when she goes to her dads you can have a great time with your friend k owing your dd is safe and having fun!
It’s just the change that’s hard yo get used to xx

frillysocks88 Mon 23-Oct-17 08:24:20

Thanks guys. To PP’s who said I’m getting best of both worlds I do agree and I can see that. It’s just not how I pictured my christmases. You are right is about getting used to the change I suppose. I’m so happy my DD will be spending Christmas with us both and I know she will have a fab time.

Brandnewstart Mon 23-Oct-17 08:34:08

Mine are going to exs for first time this Christmas Eve. I'm finding it difficult as we have always had lovely Christmas traditions. It is my favourite day of the year.
I am lucky I won't be on my own as my partner is off - he often works Christmas Eve. Otherwise, I would hopefully be going to a friend too as my family live hours away.
I'm not really offering any advice but I know how you feel x

Desmondo2016 Mon 23-Oct-17 09:05:18

I have had years of shared custody and I had my mummy Desmond Christmases and my Desmond Desmond Christmases! I enjoyed both. In time you may find someone lovely to share it with. In the mean time, drink wine and look forward to seeing her!

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