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I'm not sure if He loves me or is cheating

(49 Posts)
QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 03:18:38

Please help !!!! Its been almost a month I got into this exclusive relationship... we are planning to move in together and tell our parents about us and are planning to get married by 2019. Now the problem is I’m getting paranoid or I don’t knw if I’m right.... he is so busy with college he is unable to give me enough time .... sometimes he calls me at night speaks to me with full energy and then suddenly says he is tired and sleeping and will call me in middle of the night if he wakes up ... but then I see him online at 2-3 am... he has time management issues and does not give me or his family enough time ... and I have been hurt super badly before in other relationships... what do I do? Am I wrong or is he really cheating or something???

firsttimemummy24 Thu 19-Oct-17 03:58:11

Calm down, it all sounds too intense you have only been seeing him less than a month! By this point most people haven’t even discussed living together let alone marriage.
I know the early days in a relationship can be a whirlwind and full on but it sounds like you are over thinking everything. He shouldn’t need to call you if he wakes in the middle of the night, yes he may go online but he may just be trying to get back to sleep and not feel up to a conversation. You should trust him or what’s the point being with him?
You obviously really like him but you probably need to try and chill and be less intense and go with the flow more, otherwise it won’t work it’s not emotionally sustainable...

keepcalmandfuckon Thu 19-Oct-17 04:32:08

You’ve been seeing him a month? Sounds like a lot of problems only a month in.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 19-Oct-17 04:33:56

Not giving you enough time, yet 1 month in you're talking about moving in and marriage?! And he's at college? Seriously, slow the fuck down. You don't even know him! If he really is the one, then you'll be together regardless so what's the hurry?

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 05:31:15

Yeah it’s a new relationship and my past relationships have been such a sick mess that he decided to get married to solve my mental glitch

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 05:34:12

Plus the problem is I’m mentally disturbed cz of my past and I doubt everyone

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 05:38:11

@firsttimemummy24 yeah I agree I shud calm down.... I’m just so nervous ... idk how to keep him in love with me ... he always says he loves me madly and will never leave me Cz I’m his first real relationship and has never felt like this before ... but then I’m so dead insecure .... his mom also scolds him Cz he does not give his family time nor me

highinthesky Thu 19-Oct-17 05:45:49

Yeah it’s a new relationship and my past relationships have been such a sick mess that he decided to get married to solve my mental glitch

This is utter madness. You need to grow up and get to know your partner a lot better. Just look at yourself, so insecure and paramount that you can’t even address this issue directly with him. If you think he’s cheating then rightly or wrongly, you obviously don’t trust him.

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 05:59:43

@highinthesky I knw right 😔 I’m a big mess... I spoke to him about it a lot of times and he keeps telling me I’m jus paranoid and he keeps reminding me that he will never hurt me or cheat on me... infact he says he will deal with my clinginess and possessiveness .... but then he does get super annoyed at times

YokoReturns Thu 19-Oct-17 06:02:15

I get the feeling you’re not really here to hear this, but...

You’ve known him a few days.
He’s unreliable.
He’s ‘future faking’ (google it)
You can’t ‘make’ him love you

It would probably help to get some counselling for your issues and wait for a relationship that’s ‘right’ for you once your issues are some way to being resolved.

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 06:29:50

@YokoReturns yeah 😔😔😔 he says I need to really manage my emotions Cz everyone is not the same ... not everyone cheats and runs away

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 06:30:37

Can u guys please tell me what to do and how to make this relationship more stable Cz I think I’m at fault and I want to make things alright

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 19-Oct-17 06:43:42

That's all kinds of wrong. Why on earth would he say that he wants to 'fix' you?! What a weird thing to say. The only way, imo, that you build trust and a stable relationship is by not forcing anything, and you couldn't be forcing this relationship any harder if you tried.
Also, while I wouldn't say that gut instinct is infalliable, I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand. You're getting bad feelings from this guy and it's such early days. Is it worth the hassle?

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 07:13:57

@EverythingEverywhere1234 actually my problem is I have trust issues with everyone I have ever been with... all my relationships have this problem.... 90% times my instincts wer true but they have been false too... now the issue is I can’t trust myself with what I think about the guy Cz he seems serious he intro me to his friends posts my pics on insta calls me once a day tho it was like 4-5 times a day 😅😅😅

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 07:16:43

Also that he does come online for a split second and goes off and leaves my texts unread makes me very uncomfortable and upset idk why I really need some help and mental support at this Cz I knw something is ssly wrong with me

CredulousThickos Thu 19-Oct-17 07:17:24

Unless you are both actually fifteen then this is super weird.

Calm down. You’ve only been in a ‘relationship’ for a handful of days. It shouldn’t be this hard, or this intense. Unless, as I say, you are teenagers, in which case it’s pretty normal and you’ll look back fondly at what a love struck dickhead you were.

Lexieblue Thu 19-Oct-17 07:25:43

Yeah you need to relax a bit. You don't "make" a relationship stable and you can't just magic it so you feel 100% secure. Trust and security come with time as you get to know each other. Marriage is a terrible idea so early on when you feel so insecure.
Stop waiting for him to call or worrying about how often he calls, you're over thinking it so early into the relationship. Slow it down and try to work on feeling comfortable doing your own thing. Confidence in relationships generally starts with confidence in yourself.

00100001 Thu 19-Oct-17 07:27:15

How old are you OP?

RebelRogue Thu 19-Oct-17 07:34:06

What you need to do is break up with him and work on yourself. Get counselling for your issues. If your past relationships were abusive,do the freedom programme.
You are not ready for a relationship yet.

MiniTheMinx Thu 19-Oct-17 07:41:45

What is your relationship like with your own family? How was your childhood?

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 19-Oct-17 08:49:44

The more you post, the more horrendous he sounds.
This; calls me once a day tho it was like 4-5 times a day is not normal, or nice, or him showing he cares. It's weird behaviour and not indicative of a man who is well balanced in himself.
I personally think breaking up with him and concentrating on yourself would be the very best thing you could do. Go for counselling and get to know yourself and your worth.

NotTheFordType Thu 19-Oct-17 08:52:31

Have you actually met in person or has this all been conducted online?

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 10:55:50

Well I’m 23 so is he and we have met each other obviously.... and I think yeah I’m actually getting to hyped abt all this I shud take it more maturely .....

To be honest I was engaged to someone in the past he had depression and committed suicide .... losing him made me so insecure and after that instead of supporting my situation guys hurt me a lot played with me

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 11:00:05

@MiniTheMinx My family usually keeps me under tremendous pressure and are typical oppressive helicopter parents and are super possessive plus i lost my fiancé to depression and suicide and after that I faced certain abuses

QueenOfUniverse Thu 19-Oct-17 11:00:45

@Lexieblue yeah I agree I need to work on myself and my craziness

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