Police won't process evidence for DNA

[Fladerdricka]

No point in reporting is there?

I should feel relived about being able to move forward and put this all behind me. Not having to worry about all the reasons I was putting off reporting (no police interview, cross examination, likelihood of prosecution and conviction).

Instead I feel worse than I've had since it all happened

[AuroraFloyd]

I don't understand sorry, how can they process evidence for something you haven't reported?

[Eragonsegg]

I don't really understand the question without more info. I always tell people to report any crime no matter how small. It affects the crime ratings if minor stuff doesn't get reported.

[Penny4UrThoughts]

I don't understand. How do they have dna evidence of something you haven't told them about?

[Taylor22]

I'm sorry OP. It's clear you're going through something distressing but your post isn't very clear.

If the police don't have a reported crime I don't believe they can begin their investigation. Of course it could be different but I'm unsure what else you mean.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

I think the Op has reported something, despite being worried about interviews and evidence gathering, but even though she has, the police have chosen not to do all that and so therefore there was no point in her reporting it.

Please seek support from whichever support group is appropriate - Victim's Support, Rape Crisis. Sending you a hug.

[Fladerdricka]

hi, sorry my post wasn't clear - you should see my mind!

I had a forensic medical examination (I feel nauseous just thinking about it). Waited in line for hours at a sexual health clinic only to be told I had to go to a different centre. They were fully booked so I had to wait another day without washing or even brushing my teeth while trying not to talk myself out of the whole thing. Had the examination. They sent swabs, clothes, etc to be tested.

I just want my life to go back to what it used to be

[Taylor22]

Jesus that sounds horrific! I'm so sorry. Have you got support around you?

[BigDamnHero]

I'm so sorry, OP. That sounds awful. Whatever happened, we believe you.

[MaidOfStars]

They've sent the samples but the police say they aren't going to process them?

That sounds confusing.

However, having seen posters here who go on to regret trying to box sexual assault/rape (my assumption) away and just get on with it, Is encourage you to make any reports you can.

[Fladerdricka]

BigDamnHero thank you, it feels a bit pathetic finding such a simple comment from a stranger this comforting but it is.

Taylor22 no support. briefly told a couple of friends. maybe they don't know what to say - it feels like they don't care.

I started seeing a counselor. I thought i was doing better. But the last few days I just feel back to square one....

[LornaMumsnet]

Hi all,

We're just moving this over to relationships at the OP's request.

Fladerdricka, we're sending love and support from MNHQ.

[Melabela10]

OP sending hugs your way
Please seek support asap

[Fladerdricka]

Thanks MNHQ

[Fladerdricka]

Melabela thank you. I saw my counsellor/psychologist today.

It has been difficult keeping it together when thinking through all my friends and realising that no, atm there's no one i can talk with about this We did identify a few things i can do to reach out/get back in touch so that was a 'long-term' positive.

[PollytheDolly]

Talk to us

[Fladerdricka]

Thank you Polly.

I don't know what to say. I don't even know what i need.

It's been over three months. I thought I was moving forward but maybe I was just getting better at numbing everything and feeling nothing.
I don't know what's worse: feeling empty inside or letting all the other feelings out.

[Lovemusic33]

It's hard to understand the circumstances as your not telling us much. I just wanted you to know that there is help available out there, the police (if involved in any way) should have given you information to access help. 3 months isn't a long time so don't be hard on yourself regarding how you are feeling.

[PollytheDolly]

Three months is still early days. Not sure what's happened but obviously traumatic. Keep talking.

[Fladerdricka]

OLD 'relationship'.
He kept ignoring my boundaries and I let him.
He would agree with me when I said I didn't want to do certain things. Then ignore it all, do it anyway and afterwards apologise and say things like 'we' just got into it. Maybe my fault for freezing in disbelief that we were having sex after I just had a panic attack because I didn't want to have sex.

Last time I was crying, begging him to stop, trying to push him of me but apparently that wasn't clear enough either.

[Desmondo2016]

Have you reported it to the police?

[Fladerdricka]

Not yet. I've thought about what to do so much.
They have the description of what happened (I had to describe it to the Dr who did my examination). Given they don't think they need to process the samples, I'm assuming the chances of prosecution and conviction are pretty low.
Right now I can't go through the process of relieving the whole thing only to end up with nothing but feeling even worse at the end.

[Fladerdricka]

And then I think about him doing the same thing to someone else and I feel sick.

[Fladerdricka]

So much pressure.

[Fladerdricka]

I feel so much pressure to do the right thing. Isn't what he did bad enough already? Now I feel bad if I don't do something about it. But going through the whole police process? Doesn't my child deserve more than a mother who's struggling to keep it together?

[PollytheDolly]

So sorry you're going through this. You say you've told a couple of friends?

I'm sure there will be others come on here who have been through the same and gone through the process who will help guide you through this and understand exactly how you're feeling.

I'm here for a hand hold though.