Or am I just a horrible person?
I've always been a bit like this, but it's getting worse.
I really struggle in public spaces - especially on the street, or in doorways. I feel quite stupid about this, as I know it's difficult to understand why anyone could have such problems with such basic, everyday things.
For example, here's what happened today.
Walking into the library, on foot with toddler. A woman with a pram was approaching from the other side, plus a third woman inside the building, wanting to exit, visible through the glass doors.
We all arrived at the door at the same time. This in itself makes me really tense as I'd prefer not to have to interact with strangers, even non-verbally, if I can avoid it. But the worst part was that the woman with the pram kept looking at me, talking to me (I live in a country where I don't speak the local language) and obviously trying to get my attention. I didn't engage, as I couldn't, but stood well back to remove myself from the situation. She went through, then the woman inside stood back to let me through. I hate it when people do this, I don't know why. I avoided eye contact and continued to stand back.
Eventually Lady Inside got the message that I wasn't going to walk through, so she walked through herself and left.
But the woman with the pram was still there in the lobby, and still trying to engage with me. Eventually I held my hand up to my face, palm out, so I couldn't see her anymore and said in English, "leave me alone".
I know this was an awful way to behave, but I was honestly so agitated by this point that I just wanted to disappear. I felt observed, "pecked at", defensive.
What's wrong with me?
I know it's partly because I want to feel invisible - I detest feeling beholden to other people, even for something as simple as them holding a door open for me. But my behaviour must be mystifying (and seem really pathetic) to 'normal' people who are just going about their day.
Am I the only one?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
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Why do I act like this - is this A Thing?
INXS · 28/02/2017 19:31
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