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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

feel crap about being blocked

48 replies

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 14:00

NC for this. I know I'll probably get told I'm an idiot but this keeps going round in my head. Was seeing a guy a couple of months but known him longer and have mutual friends etc. We seem to have kind of broke up, but it was more of a drifting off/he stopped making plans to see me for a week or two but was still messaging a lot, then a bit slower to message/reply then nothing for a few days. Then I messaged him and he didn't reply he just blocked me. This has really hurt me and I keep focussing on it. I know I need to move on and want to but am really upset. There was no reason to block me like a horrible message or anything, it's just to me such an odd thing to do.

OP posts:

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Holly3434 · 19/02/2017 14:11

Sounds like he found someone else, he was spineless too should have told you he wasn't interested. Move on

redexpat · 19/02/2017 14:16

Blocking is easier than having a certain conversation. Keeping the conversation going gives false hope. I tbink he had been telling you for a while but you werent hearing him. Maybe he couldnt deal with the messaging. I get why youre upset but the bottom line is that he no longer wants you in his life.

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 14:20

He hadn't been telling me for a while and I wasn't hearing him redexpat - he'd been saying about meeting up just not making a firm plan. I realise he no longer wants me in his life, I guess if it was me I'd just say bye to someone or at least not block them for no reason. I totally get it if I'd been hassling him or something but it wasn't like that.

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Bluntness100 · 19/02/2017 14:21

I think maybe the clue here is in the way you write this "we seem to have kind of broken up" . In his head you had absolutely broken up, but he didn't have the balls to tell you so you were thinking "kinda maybe we have broken up ". So he's blocked as an easy out . Very immature of him.

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 14:22

Thanks bluntness yes that's true I guess. It's all the more awkward because of mutual friends and I'm likely to see him around. I find it quite embarrassing that he's blocked me and acted like this

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OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 19/02/2017 14:24

Exact same happened to me. It's horrible

Did his name begin with A? Lol

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 14:26

sorry to hear that oncemore It really is horrible. Never happened to me before and I've dated quite a bit. Not A no.
This one seemed to be and portrayed himself as very much the caring mr nice guy

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FlowerOfTheValley · 19/02/2017 14:28

I totally understand why you are upset, it would upset me too.

It's shitty behaviour and you haven't done anything to warrant it. Being dumped is bad enough without guessing you're dumped because he's too cowardly to tell you.

I had similar, ghosting, and it makes you feel worthless. It really isn't hard with modern technology to just message you and say it's not working for him.

He has treated you like shit and you don't want to see anyone who thinks it's acceptable to treat people like that. It says a lot more about him than you.

Bluntness100 · 19/02/2017 14:38

Flower is right, this is about him not you. He's a gutless arsehole. You're better off out of it. When you see him act friendly and happy like you don't give a shit. Apologise for not being in touch and breeze off. If friends ask just say it came to nothing, drifted apart and you stopped texting him. You don't need to let on you know youre blocked to anyone inc him. If you hadn't texted him you wouldn't have known, so just go with that in your interactions and make it seem you were the one who stopped.

FlowerOfTheValley · 19/02/2017 14:50

Good suggestion from Bluntness

niceupthedance · 19/02/2017 14:55

Google slow fade.

And watch out for self proclaimed nice guys because they rarely are.

LesisMiserable · 19/02/2017 15:18

This happens because men cant cope with women being upset/disapppointed so the easy option is too back away slowly then metaphorically speaking, leg it. He's a common all garden berk for doing it but this is what at least half if not the majority will do to be brutally honest. Hell, my exdp ended a four year serious relationship with me by popping a note through my door and blocking me on Facebook! Its pathetic but common and absolutely no reflection on you at all. As dispenable as it makes you feel all thats happened is they've freed you up for greater things, remember that.

noego · 19/02/2017 15:31

He's done you a favour darling. Don't take it personally.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/02/2017 15:35

Apologies if I have the wrong end of the stick but from your description you seem very passive in the relationship.

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 16:05

I'm not really sure boneyback - possibly. I don't really chase after people I try to let things happen in their own time really. I think in the early days of dating I would be wary of coming across as pushy that's for sure.

lesismiserable note through your door is awful

thanks flowerofthevalley and noego and to all of you for all the kind words and support, it really helps. I did google the slow fade niceup I'd never heard of it. Sounds like it. Also that's interesting about self proclaimed nice guys too.
bluntness I hadn't thought of doing that but it has really helped - I know I'm going to bump into him at some point and will do just that. And won't let on to mutual friends about being blocked like you say, will. just pretend I never noticed. Good to have a plan. thanks

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Dadaist · 19/02/2017 16:11

Pretty brutal! Suspect he's avoiding complications as he gets with someone else - doesn't want to explain how he's treated you.
Don't take it to heart OP - just a tosser - and there's lots of them so take care of yourself- and don't waste time on him!

PinkFluff2 · 19/02/2017 16:54

A similar thing happened to me a while ago and it is horrible. Even to this day I think about it, but it doesn't hurt anymore. At the time it hurt like hell.

People like this are total cowards. But it's better that he's done it now than in 10 years time, and I bet you're not the first or the last person he will do it to either!

ColumbosCousin · 19/02/2017 17:13

Appalling behaviour, Angel, just appalling. There is simply no excuse for it. F*ing karma to him.

I'm thinking back before mobiles. If you were dating someone and they were no longer interested what happened was - they either didn't return your calls or never called you again. Sometimes you had a vague painful conversation. Some of it was painful (its easy to forget). But being "blocked" is despicable behaviour to my mind. I assume you slept with him too. Ugh!

I am quite old now (50s!). And would very much take the view its better to wait in a new relationship until you are a bit clearer that they are worthy of you and are not total *s. Also listen out for red flags. Of course no guarantees. But taking it slow helps weed out the tossers, at least in my view.

Really sorry this happened to you. On the positive side, will help you discern in the future. .

Isetan · 19/02/2017 17:27

He did a very shitty thing but you need to change your mindset, you've done nothing to be embarrassed about, not a thing. If people ask, I wouldn't cover for him either, I'd just say that you've discovered that he isn't as grown up as you'd hoped but thankfully you found out sooner rather than later.

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 18:18

thanks again for the replies pinkfluff its good to hear it doesn't hurt you when you think about it now. It gives me hope!
columbo yes we had slept together a lot and got quite close really, spent a fair bit of time together and messaged a lot
isetan thanks that's true yes I do need to remember I didn't do anything wrong- if I'm really honest with myself I think it has made me feel a bit ashamed him blocking me, rather than either just ignoring my message or saying he was done/bye/whatever

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EightiethElement · 19/02/2017 18:22

Well you know two things about him.
He's not brave enough or communicative enough to have one short but maybe slightly awkward conversation. He's blocked you so that he doesn't feel awkward when he sees you on fb.

EightiethElement · 19/02/2017 18:24

I agree, don't cover for him. If anybody asks, but not before say ''yeh, he blocked me, like I'd have embarrassed him, lol''

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angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 19:21

It wasn't on Facebook eightieth it was on his phone and on WhatsApp
but yes he clearly isn't mature enough to have a conversation or even just send a quick goodbye text

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ilovesprouts · 19/02/2017 19:26

My ex was a A blocked me then unblocked Me ??

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 21:07

what happened when he unblocked you ilovesprouts did he try to get back in touch?
I have deleted my ex's number now so won't be trying to contact him again anyway, so would never know now I guess

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