Hello MN people
Thanks for reading - I'm going to try & keep this nutshell size.
My sister is married to a drug addict, drug dealer & narcissist. They've been married for a decade & have 2 daughters.
Over the years, BIL has become more and more 'grumpy' (that's my sister minimising. He's actually an abusive bastard)
Rude to my sis & nieces, controlling, verbally aggressive, lazy, sexist, smokes skunk almost constantly, deals skunk.
They have a 'nice' lifestyle & to their neighbours etc they are a successful & professional couple with two lovely kids. I have experienced first hand how unpleasant he is to my sister (including frequent silent treatment, making her do all the housework, inappropriate comments about other women, shouting at her in front of friends & family, never apologising, the list goes on.....) and similarly rude & shouty to the kids.
I don't think he's ever hit any of them- they are doing the eggshell walking whenever I see them.
Anyway, I have always been very close to my nieces esp the older one but the last few times I have seen her, she has been showing similar behaviour to her dad (silent treatment if she doesn't get her own way, shouting, manipulative behaviour etc) & I have noticed the girls (age 6&9) are much more verbally aggressive to one another & a bit physically violent.
It's upsetting to see the kids changing & I fully believe it's due to the environment they are in
I spoke to my sister last summer after BIL exploded at her on her birthday & was incredibly abusive (over nothing) in front of me & my daughter & my nieces (whose reaction was that of kids who see that sort of behaviour all the time)
I invited them to come & stay with us but he was taking my sister to a posh restaurant that eve so she declined.
She told me she has thought about leaving before but it sounds like she likes the lifestyle & won't.
He can't stand me (think it's cos he knows I know. He can be v v v charming & they have a lot of friends (but there's of superficial materialism in their circle of friends)
We met up the other evening (without him) & I got very upset because the girls were pretty much ignoring me & my daughter & it felt like they had no interest in us at all, just interested in causing a scene. I told my sister that I am struggling to be around them now. She knows what I think of BIL. She paints this picture on social media of being a strong woman with an amazing husband & wonderfully behaved children & I've seen the truth so many times it makes me sad/angry & frustrated.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation to my sister or me?
Please help! The other night I told her it's really hard to spend time with them & not fun anymore. Also said I'm gutted about the behaviour of my oldest niece.
Again, my sister minimised it all.
What would you do?
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My sister is in an abusive marriage & the impact is HUGE now....
39 replies
lookfortherainbow · 15/02/2017 15:17
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