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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

White lies - yes or no?

28 replies

TessMcNess · 11/02/2017 22:34

Can I ask what you think about white lies? My very new date - 3 months - is, I feel, far too honest and hurts my feelings when he could avoid it. For example, I cooked for him for the next day when I wasn't going round. He told me that evening it didn't look very appetising and went to his friends to eat instead. He sent a photo of some chocolate he brought me for next week. Then he said he'd eaten it because he was hungry. I said I looked a mess first thing in the morning, he agreed. Such tiny things I know, and having been with a prolific lier I don't condone dishonesty, but surely white lies to spare someone's feelings aren't bad? Or is that the start of a slippery slope?

OP posts:

Report

dementedpixie · 11/02/2017 22:40

Sounds like an arsehole tbh

kissmewherethesundontshine · 11/02/2017 22:40

He seems to be pulling you down rather than being honest, white lies are supposed to be used only when feelings are involved not because he ate your chocolate he bought

DeterminedToChange · 11/02/2017 22:41

Read your post again, OP - this man is a complete twat.

TessMcNess · 11/02/2017 22:42

What I was getting at with the chocolate was why tell me he'd bought me some, and then tell me he'd eaten it? Why not just keep quiet and buy me some more before I next go round?

OP posts:

TessMcNess · 11/02/2017 22:42

What I was getting at with the chocolate was why tell me he'd bought me some, and then tell me he'd eaten it? Why not just keep quiet and buy me some more before I next go round?

OP posts:

Silverdream · 11/02/2017 22:43

It sounds like he has difficulty understanding social niceties. It would be a warning to me.

BonnyScotland · 11/02/2017 22:45

he's horrid

Pixilicious · 11/02/2017 22:46

Bin him, he sounds like a dick.

TessMcNess · 11/02/2017 22:49

Thank you for your comments, I thought I might be overreacting but it seems like maybe I'm not.

OP posts:

InTheMoodForLove · 11/02/2017 22:49

charming

AhYerWill · 11/02/2017 22:55

I wouldn't like to be with someone who lied to me, but I wouldn't want to be with a thoughtless twat either. He sounds like the latter. If he's being hurtful this early on, I'd bin and move on.

Trustyourself2 · 11/02/2017 23:43

Would you say/do those things to someone? I'm shocked that he's like this with you. He sounds clueless. Unless you're prepared to accept the way he is or try to "help" change him, you should seriously reconsider.

DJKKSlider · 11/02/2017 23:57

The meal, I'd probably be OK with. If it looked a bit 'Stodgy' whatever.

Chocolate is a bit of a shit thing to do, not really a white lie I guess, just a selfish count thing to do.

Looking a mess in the morning is just plain mean. My gf wakes up and she looks like the bride of Frankenstein, if that bride hadn't taken her make up off and had been dribbling for eight hours.
I don't tell her that though. I say nothing.
I'd imagine I look more like Oliver Hardy than Tom Hardy first thing.... I woukdn t want her to say anything either.

Fackorf · 12/02/2017 00:00

He's nasty. He won't improve. Get rid.

Neverknowing · 12/02/2017 00:29

Theres a difference between lying and being plain rude. It's not lying to keep things to yourself!

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/02/2017 00:56

Negging Google it.

Creampastry · 12/02/2017 07:06

Walk away

DemelzaP · 12/02/2017 07:13

I'd he's like this after three months just imagine what he'll be like when he really starts letting his guard down. Get rid now.

junebirthdaygirl · 12/02/2017 07:56

What caught my attention was you cooking for him for the next day when you weren't going round. You are together 3 months. I hope you're not cooking all the time for him.

Chamonix1 · 12/02/2017 15:56

Wankerr

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 12/02/2017 16:00

This is nothing to do with white lies. It is about a man who seems to choose to put you down at every opportunity and making you feel like he's the reasonable one to do so and that you're wrong to be upset. Put simply, the man is an arsehole. Get rid.
Plus what the hell are you doing, cooking for him to have the next day?! You've only been seeing each other five minutes, why are you going all 50s housewife?

Lesley1980 · 12/02/2017 22:50

That's not white lies. He just isn't nice.

This is the start of a new relationship when everyone is being extra nice so Imagine how bad he will be in a few months.

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Popcornandjam · 12/02/2017 23:00

I know about the cooking. I struggle not to volunteer to do it. I'm not a bad cook, and enjoy it so it seems natural to do it. Appreciate it really need to stop that though.

HecateAntaia · 12/02/2017 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleepingTiger · 12/02/2017 23:02

Immature at best.

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