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Would you tell his wife

(27 Posts)
AskinforaFriend Sat 21-Jan-17 14:52:20

If you had a drunken encounter with your best friend's husband, would you tell her? If you did tell her, would you expect her to stay friends with you?

lampshady Sat 21-Jan-17 14:57:19

Er, no I wouldn't because I'm a coward. I definitely wouldn't expect her to be friends with me if it came out.

I'd probably avoid the husband and watch my alcohol intake.

fyourightback Sat 21-Jan-17 14:58:59

No because regardless of drunk or sober I wouldn't be having drunk encounters with my best friends hubby

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan Sat 21-Jan-17 15:00:04

What sort of drunken encounter? A quick snog or full sex? If it was anything more than a quick.snog then yes, I would tell her but I wouldn't expect her to ever speak to you again. And he's also behaved appallingly.

pegomassive1 Sat 21-Jan-17 15:00:39

If my best friend had a drunken encounter with my dh I'd be devistated and it would ruin our friendship and my marriage as I'd have no trust in either of them

If I HAD a drunken encounter with my best friends dh I'd expect to loose my friendship and my marriage

I'm terms of telling her I probably would because I'd think my dh and her deserve better. But I've never been in a situation like this a lot of people could be hurt

Purplehonesty Sat 21-Jan-17 15:10:35

I would tell her and then run for the hills!

I wouldn't expect her to forgive me or him.

Purplehonesty Sat 21-Jan-17 15:11:29

I say that because I would get found out and would rather tell her before someone else did.

AskinforaFriend Sat 21-Jan-17 15:20:22

I didn't do this, the wronged wife is very dear to me. I'm in a support role. I'm 100% certain what I think about him, but conflicted about the motivation for telling. I hate them both for what they've done and would end both relationships if it was me.

TheNaze73 Sat 21-Jan-17 15:43:52


Crispheaven77 Sat 21-Jan-17 15:52:14


MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 21-Jan-17 15:53:53

No I wouldn't tell her.

I can think of two reasons for telling the wife in this situation. One is to make yourself feel better. Bit like going to confession. The other is spite.

Neither are good enough reasons for fucking up someone's marriage.

category12 Sat 21-Jan-17 15:59:10

Depends what you mean by encounter. Quick kiss & cuddle never to be repeated, hideous mistake and total stricken embarrassment by both parties, might be get-overable.

Anything more and, if I were the wife, I would want to know, so I could kick the pair of them out of my life.

Catherinebee85 Sat 21-Jan-17 16:01:36

I wouldn't if it was a kiss. Especially if there's a high chance it would never come out. I wouldn't see the point in hurting so many people over a drunken kiss. Somehow sex is different. A kiss can just be a moment of lack of self control but sex is a little more prolonged and something you couldn't say was a moment of madness.

Also I think if my DP had just kissed someone I'd rather not know...that probably sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel.

GriefLeavesItsMark Sat 21-Jan-17 16:04:29

When you say support role, what do you mean. Do you mean you work as her carer?

AskinforaFriend Sat 21-Jan-17 16:05:03

I'm using 'encounter' because at this stage full disclosure has not been made. She claims no memory or knowledge, his behaviour since suggests it was more than a quick fumble followed by embarrassment. I suspect the worst, or that it went quite far anyway.

Mermaidinthesea Sat 21-Jan-17 16:05:04

Why would you ruin someones life like that? Are you some kind of sadist or do you enjoy the power it gives you?
Never mention it and dump her as a friend and move on becasue no "friend" would ever do such a thing.
One day this will happen to you and you will bitterly regret what you did.

Mermaidinthesea Sat 21-Jan-17 16:06:58

i know it isn't you but also it isn't your business, stay out of it. It isn't up to you.

AskinforaFriend Sat 21-Jan-17 16:07:49

Grief no, I'm not her carer. I mean emotional support.

GriefLeavesItsMark Sat 21-Jan-17 16:16:00

That's a relief! It would depend on what I thought her motives for telling me were, and how it occurred, along with the level of encounter. A drunken grope/snog at a party I could move past.

Are you the encountered or the wife?

AskinforaFriend Sat 21-Jan-17 16:20:45

The wife is someone very close to me. OW is her friend and has told her, claiming she was so drunk she doesn't remember what happened but on the basis she 'deserves to know'. I'm a bit hmm about whether telling was the right thing to do. The wife is devastated, her life and dreams are shattered.

category12 Sat 21-Jan-17 16:42:05

I think it was the right thing to do, tbh. Not knowing might seem better, but if he's a cheat, he'll likely do it again or has already done it before. Unknowingly living a lie and finding out down the road is awful too. And add onto that, that it was a friend.. No, it hurts like hell at the time, but the truth is better.

flipflapsflop Sat 21-Jan-17 17:15:27

You're providing emotional support to someone who cheated with the husband of a very dear friend of yours? Is that right?

AskinforaFriend Sat 21-Jan-17 17:21:46

You're providing emotional support to someone who cheated with the husband of a very dear friend of yours?

No, read what I said. The wronged wife is close to me. I'm supporting her.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan Sat 21-Jan-17 17:46:47

If the OW really has no memory of what happened (in which case why did she know "something" happened?) and your other friend's husband had sex with her, then that is potentially rape.

GriefLeavesItsMark Sat 21-Jan-17 17:59:12

What does your friend want to do? Has she had time to process the information?

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