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Online dating... to be annoyed when...

(47 Posts)
Pollyanna9 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:31:07

We're happily chatting thru whatever site, and then all of a sudden they're like 'Now we'll start using whatsapp instead of this site my number is xxxxx xxx xxxx'.

And I I think, er, no, I'd rather keep chatting on this site. I don't necessarily WANT to give you my phone number or connect with you on WhatsApp - why not ASK me first instead of assuming?

What's so bad about chatting on the site anyway - you're messaging aren't you?!

ReasonsToBeModeratelyHappy Sun 08-Jan-17 20:34:06

That's pretty pushy - I'd probably drop the ones who tell, rather than asking anything - they're not likely to get more polite as you know them better!

Trills Sun 08-Jan-17 20:41:12

I have never experienced this.

I have offered a phone number, and been offered a phone number but nobody has ever TOLD me that we are changing apps.

I have persuaded a man to download WhatsApp, as I was going abroad for the weekend and didn't want to text overseas at 50p a go.

Pollyanna9 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:46:53

It's interesting. I've chatted to 3 quite a lot and it's all going really great then I get 'I want to get off this site' and I'm like say what?!

So I've just asked the one I thought I might be going on a date with this weekend "Out of interest, why do you want to 'get off this site'?".

It's never suggested or would you like to and is always quite sudden and I just question it plus, being an arsey little sod, I think no, fuck you, we'll do what I want!!!! smile

CockacidalManiac Sun 08-Jan-17 20:50:52

When I was OLD, I used to try and get off the clanky POF chat client onto WhatsApp as soon as I could; it's a personal choice though.

Trills Sun 08-Jan-17 20:53:15

I personally find the chat application part of most dating sites quite crap, and I'd much rather use WhatsApp or even plain old SMS.

So I have a lot of sympathy for anyone who has said it nicely, or even neutrally.

If they're saying it nastily or rudely - I guess that means they are rude people and so you should be glad you have been warned (and so can stop talking to them) before you waste any more time on them. Is this the very first sign that they are rude, or were there signs already that you ignored?

jeaux90 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:54:21

Ok so I did OLD for a few years until last year. I'm a 45 year old woman and I would always suggest getting off the site after a few messages. Maybe because I am a seasoned OLD er and I don't want to waste all my time online or on an app chatting away to someone who could sound like Jimmy Krankie or who can't hold a conversation. I would rather have the phone call and qualify in or out very quickly whether it's someone I want to date.

Nothing worse than turning up to date with someone you find attractive from their profile, had good banter with over the messages to only discover he is a boring twat with a voice like Frank Spencer.

These guys might be deploying the same strategy. Why waste time.

CockacidalManiac Sun 08-Jan-17 20:55:12


My thoughts and tactics exactly.

Pollyanna9 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:55:16

I just absolutely love your uername btw Cockacidal - it really is fab.

He's just given his explanation as:
It's nothing untoward, I am divorced, been single for a year in March, but if you are uncomfortable with it, not a problem.

Which then weirdly makes me more suspicious not less!!!

Maybe my antennae are twitching excessively because my bullshitometer is set to highly sensitive as no bugger is going to mess me around this time.

CockacidalManiac Sun 08-Jan-17 20:56:35

I just absolutely love your uername btw Cockacidal - it really is fab.

I wish I could claim credit for it! Someone once used the term on a thread, and I pinched it.

Pollyanna9 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:57:01

Ah, but, I don't like using the telephone. I really really really don't.

Plus, I don't want my children overhearing me on any such phone calls either.

I probably wouldn't mind going onto whatsapp but I've yet to be asked or have it suggested - I've just been told.

Trills Sun 08-Jan-17 20:58:59

A PHONE CALL? <faints>

No thank you.

I recently read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari (the comedian, written alongside an actual sociologist) and their research found that some people loved phone calls and some people hated them.

I find it hard to chat with my voice to someone I haven't met - I want/need the full feedback of being able to see them in order to have a nice chat. Texting is easier because I can take my time to compose my replies.

NaBiAgChaitheamhSmidiuTrom Sun 08-Jan-17 21:00:10

I whatsapp them if arranging to meet. If i havent decided id consider meeting them then i wouldnt switch to communicating via whatsapp

Trills Sun 08-Jan-17 21:01:16

Any chance we can see his full messages?

Because "if you are uncomfortable, not a problem" to me sounds like this is a perfectly reasonable human being.

jeaux90 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:01:40

Ffs!! Don't go on a date with someone you never spoke to!! You are going to learn the hard way aren't you grin

jeaux90 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:04:11

Oh and I love your user name too cockacidal
Sounds like a great insult grin

NaBiAgChaitheamhSmidiuTrom Sun 08-Jan-17 21:05:02

I hate being subjected to the pre date telephone interview!

NaBiAgChaitheamhSmidiuTrom Sun 08-Jan-17 21:06:57

I think he is just trying to move towards a date. Im like this myself. Chat for a bit but then if its not looking like an actual date is going to materialise i give up.

TheNaze73 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:41:26

I've never online dated however, I'm struggling to see what's the problem here? Must be naive

lastnicknamefree Sun 08-Jan-17 22:19:15

You and me both Naze, his messages sound perfectly pleasant and not at all pushy to me!

Bant Sun 08-Jan-17 22:28:13

I dislike the messaging system on dating websites too - so I'd prefer whatsapp or something. Also, the messaging systems are usually horrible for mobile devices so if you were planning on chatting while at work, and many companies block or track websites, that could be a reason.

But I think instructing you is out of order.

And some people don't want to phone-chat before meeting, some prefer it. It's a personal preference.

Just say you don't feel comfortable giving out your number yet, and watch his reaction to that.

Pollyanna9 Sun 08-Jan-17 23:06:53

I'm sorry but I just hate that telephone thing. I'm not new to OLD as some may assume actually... I didn't like the phone when I was doing it 5 yrs ago, I don't like it now, I don't like the phone at work. My conversational skills and comfort lie in the written word (email, texts) and face to face conversation - not the phone. We can't all be the same.

With the guys in question, both assumed I'd be ok with it, that because it was their preference then why of course, it would be mine too, neither asked, neither suggested or enquired - which to me would just be basic courtesy. If I fervently wanted to speak on the phone with one of them I wouldn't just give my number to them then say well I'm leaving this site whatsapp me/phone me - I'd suggest it and see what they said.

And as for never speaking to the person verbally before going on a date. Firstly, I'm sure I would speak to them before the date rather than the assumption that I would never ever speak to them on the phone - just that I don't want to speak to them now, at this stage and if they want to switch to whatsapp then I'd just appreciate being bloody well asked, not told!

However, aside from their speaking voice, you can glean virtually all you need from the written word. Just like people leak emotions in the form of micro expressions and body language when you're in front of them, believe me, it comes through in what they write just the same.

Personally? If I've got to share my mobile number in order to communicate via whatsapp then I'm not interested. If I met them and didn't like them and didn't want to see them again, I wouldn't want my mobile phone number to be in their phone in case it turned out they were a fruit loop.

Personally and since I'm a +80wpm touch typist and my text composing speed is about 80 characters an hour, I find using the 'crappy' dating website a lot easier!

60sname Sun 08-Jan-17 23:17:49

Off the point but - talk on the phone first?! How hideously awkward would that be?

OP - I did my online dating a while back but there were people who wanted to take it offside as their membership was ending and they didn't want to pay for any more months, could be that?

60sname Sun 08-Jan-17 23:18:11


Itwillbefine1 Sun 08-Jan-17 23:58:42

I met a guy (many moons ago) from a dating site. We had spoken on the phone - I don't remember great detail but it was before mobile phones or apps. God he had the sexiest voice ever.

IRL everything was wrong and I couldn't wait to get away from him.

But I understand that people don't want to faff about at arms length for too long.

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