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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Was it inappropriate to say adult child has a 'good body'?

42 replies

bottledwater · 05/01/2017 19:46

Trying to have a convo with DH about this atm, one of us said it about our adult child. What do you think?

OP posts:

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youokayhun · 05/01/2017 19:56

Depends on context, I think you have a son who's completely ripped for example then you can't deny they have a "good body"? It depends how the conversation went.

boredofthisnow16 · 05/01/2017 19:57

I agree, what was actually said?

AndNowItsSeven · 05/01/2017 19:58

No I don't think so.

Dilligaf81 · 05/01/2017 19:59

So you made a comment about an adult childs body ??? Whats the problem? The onmy way id have issue was if it was a sexual comment.

Liara · 05/01/2017 19:59

Depends on what is meant by 'good body'. If it means healthy and fit, all good. If what is meant is 'sexually desirable' then it's inappropriate.

bottledwater · 05/01/2017 20:00

That's exactly how it went. Haven't seen son in a while, as he's been working abroad. We went for a mini break away and he was in swimwear. I didn't mean it in an inappropriate way at all! I was just pointing out that he has become very muscular. DH is pissed off saying he didn't like it at all and if he said it about our daughter, everyone would think he was a 'weirdo'. I don't get why he's so pissed off over it.

OP posts:

SparkleShinyGlitter · 05/01/2017 20:00

I don't think it's inappropriate

If you have a ds or DD that takes good care of themselves or is in to body building/ is very toned for example why can't you say that your own child has a good body

DonaldStott · 05/01/2017 20:01

Good body to me implies athletic. Good sturdy and healthy. So I wouldn't think it was a bad thing. As long as 'phwoarrrrr' didn't come before it.

WallisFrizz · 05/01/2017 20:02

There will be people who think it's inappropriate but even as parents we are adults with eyes who can objectively have an opinion about their child's appearance without it being in any way lecherous. It does depend on the comment and context though. DH saying "nice tits" about his DD would be pretty gross.

WallisFrizz · 05/01/2017 20:03

Cross post. Yep, there is nothing wrong with the comment you made.

Ilovecaindingle · 05/01/2017 20:04

It is your 'baby boy' so not inappropriate at all!!

youokayhun · 05/01/2017 20:06

The only one making it an issue is DH

Kittencatkins123 · 05/01/2017 20:23

Nothing wrong at all. Is DH stressing out about his dad bod?!

SandyY2K · 05/01/2017 21:43

I understand how you meant it, but I also understand what your DH means and how it might be perceived if he said it about your DD in a bikini or other swimwear.

I bet lots of posters here, would say it was wrong of him to see his DD that way. I don't see anything wrong with what you said BTW.

I'm not sure if saying he's become fit or that he's taking care of body would have been okay with your husband.

anothereffingnamechange · 05/01/2017 21:50

My mum and adult sister said a few times that I had a good figure and great boobs, when I was a teenager and young adult. I'd be trying on clothes or whatever. To my mind, what you said is like that and nothing wrong with it.

TheNaze73 · 05/01/2017 23:16

Can see both sides here.

If he'd said that about his daughter, you'd have thought he was a wrong un'

FatOldBag · 05/01/2017 23:21

Screams "weirdo" to me, sorry.

BackforGood · 05/01/2017 23:34

Nothing inappropriate at all.
Some people see weirdness where it doesn't exist.

Notcontent · 05/01/2017 23:34

I think it's fine. I say things about my dd's body to my mum, because I am proud - I made that body and I am glad she is looking after it!!!

anxiousnow · 06/01/2017 00:46

No it wasn't at all just as it wouldn't be if your husband commented on DD. Good patenting imo promoting healthy body images. Obviously leud/sexual comments would be different.

Wikkitikki · 06/01/2017 01:11

I tell my adult daughter she has a lovely figure, slender with a nice bust, also tell my 10 yr old she has a lovely toned body due to her dancing. I want my girls to feel good about themselves. I don't think it's inappropriate at all.
My OH said you were just making an observation and that your DH is being a tit.

StripeyMonkey1 · 06/01/2017 01:17

It's our (exclusive) sexualisation of the body that is not normal.

A good body is not just about sex. It's about being fit and healthy and is definitely something I would want for my daughters (and equally my sons if I had any).

If you were saying you thought your son was hot that might be something different, but noting he has a good body is absolutely fine.

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FatalKittehCharms · 06/01/2017 06:54

Sounds like you see him through the eyes of a mother, not sure why your DH is so wound up. Could he have taken it personally, is he less fit?

Can men feel Oedipus complex about their sons?

pklme · 06/01/2017 07:01

I think there is a difference over a male or remain body, somehow. A male good body is an attractive and useful thing, and doesn't seem to risk them being perceived as an object. A female good body comment often seems to undermine any other attributes she has, and make her vulnerable/a target in some way. Also, is there something about expecting girls to grow up and be sexually desirable, so it being unsurprising. Our boys are well hidden in their clothes, as well, so you can be unaware.

I'm not expressing myself well. I know what I mean though! I think.

Blobby10 · 06/01/2017 09:44

I do this to my kids all the time! They work hard in the gym and I think its nice to show that I recognise that. Their Dad does too - yes, even to our daughter. He has often commented on how her body has changed since she began elite sports training several times a week. I dont find it weird tbh -

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