AIBU- Did I handle this the right way with DS dad ?

[notgivingin789]

Hey all,

To give a brief backstory. I was with DS dad for many years though he was emotionally, physical and sexually abusive and I finally ended the relationship in January.

DS dad hasn't seen DS since June, DS dad's mum told me that the dad "will see his son after he has settled down, has his own flat" (he currently lives in shared accommodation). His pretty useless..doesn't financially support DS too but have made a claim to CM. Any who, DS dad only calls DS on special occasions--birthdays, Christmas.

So today DS dad calls me to speak to DS, which he did briefly and then DS passed the phone to me, DS has a severe language disorder so cannot really sustain conversations or understand, so usually I speak to DS dad after DS had finished incase the dad wants to tell me something in relation to DS or to check if he has understood him.

Back to the point, when DS handed the phone back to me, DS angrily said on the phone " I don't want to talk to you! Put the phone back to DS". I was a bit taken aback but I didn't say anything and handed the phone back to DS, after DS said Hi again etc he kinda nudged me and handed the phone back to me again.(meaning he wanted to get off the phone as he was busy playing with his new toys). I then took the phone and told DS dad " Was that all you wanted to say to DS, ok his gonna go now". Then DS dad angrily snapped back and said "I wanted to tell DS something! I don't want to talk to you for Fucks sake! Put the phone back to him now!". I then told him "to not speak to me in that way" and he said "I don't fucking care, who are you!".

I just hanged up.

He called again, DS answered this time and the dad hanged up.

I'm now feeling a little bit down as somehow I should of handled this better. But for many years DS dad would talk to me like shit and I don't want to keep on putting up with it. At the same time, I want to keep amicable for DS sake.

AIBU? Should I have handled things better?

[John4703]

What a bastard he is. He should respect his son's wishes and not be such a cunt.
He should never speak to the mother of his son like that.

[notgivingin789]

Thanks John I didn't tell him that DS wanted to go, I was trying to avoid any sort of prolong conversation with him.

[Harree]

Sorry don't have any useful advice to offer, but sending you & . Nobody deserves to be spoken to like that especially at Christmas.

[lovelearning]

notgivingin789, you need to see a family lawyer (or CAB).

Your ex should not be allowed contact with you or your child, apart from that prescribed by the law.

[notgivingin789]

Thanks for replying love he is allowed to contact me or whatever since he has been through supervised visits and SS have given him the OK.

[lovelearning]

notgivingin789, go back to Social Services and tell them what's been going on.

[pipsqueak25]

sounds pretty vile, i'd speak to ss for advice, he sounds toxic.

[RichardBucket]

You did absolutely fine. He's angry because you handled it well and he hates that you can stand up to him now.

Sounds like your son's having a good day too.

[lovelearning]

he was emotionally, physical and sexually abusive

notgivingin789, he's still abusing you.

Don't put up with it.

Speak to Social Services ASAP.

[notgivingin789]

Thanks all of you. I thought I was in the wrong and should of handled things amicably.

He hardly sees DS, I don't know what SS would provide ?

[lovelearning]

Social Services will ensure that he is no longer able to abuse you.

notgivingin789, I wish you and your son a Happy Christmas. x

[notgivingin789]

Thanks love well DS dad has just called my mum, whose told me that he hold DS that he was going to be a big brother.

Well there goes my Christmas

[JerryFerry]

You did very well and your ex is AWFUL. Your poor child with a dad like that. Honestly I'd be seeking to ban contact, he is only going to hurt and disappoint your son. He clearly doesn't care for his wellbeing. As for the second child, that doesn't have to be your drama. You've done very well to get yourself and your son away rom this HIDEOUS man, just keep going forwards. Do you have real life support?

[Cherrysoup]

Omg, he's a wanker! What poor girl is having his child? You should definitely warn her what a wanker he is.

And why does he have your mum's number? My dh wouldn't have a clue what my parents' number was!

[RichardBucket]

notgivingin789 Don't let it ruin your Christmas (or any day) for a moment. It doesn't sound like it'll make any difference to you or your son. He can't exactly see him any less, can he?

[lalalalyra]

I wouldn't normally say something like this, and it is a shame for the new baby, but fingers crossed for you and your boy that your ex is one of those guys who can only deal with one family at a time and he forgets about you and DS when the shiny new baby comes along as it sounds like you'd all be better off without him.

[MistresssIggi]

I realise that must be a shock but why does it mean Xmas is over? It's good he's moved on, he is less likely to be so bothered about manipulating you if he has another woman in his thrall.

[pipsqueak25]

sorry but i think he will reveal his true colours long before the lo is born, then gf will be on here moaning about the tosser has done a runner.

[Finola1step]

Fuck him. Really. Fuck him and fuck that shit.

None of this "There goes my Christmas". Why? Why should The Tosser spoil your first Xmas away from him? That is exactly what he wants.

This is a big, fat wake up call. He has no intention of stepping up and providing for your son.

Have a lovely evening with your boy. Is he old enough to stay up a bit later so you can watch a film together and have a cosy evening?

What have you two got planned for tomorrow and the the next few days?

[notgivingin789]

This is they guy I was with for 9 years my first boyfriend. I'm 22, his 24. How can he of moved on so fast ?!! And his such a shit dad to DS, u don't know why I should care.

[notgivingin789]

*I

[notgivingin789]

lalala I know DS dad will do that as to why I'm sad.

[notgivingin789]

How do I take back control of my life ?

How can I move past this ?

[AmyGMumsnet]

Hi everyone

We're quickly going to move this thread to the relationships board at the request of the OP.

[ItsThisOneThing]

Sounds like you handled it perfectly. He just sounds like an ass. As the mother of his child, he should have had the courtesy to tell you he was having another child as well as your DS. He should have probably told you first and then you agreed together how to tell DS. You mentioned a history of abuse in the relationship so he is probably emotionally dysfunctional so it's not too surprising he's moved on so quickly. Feel sorry for his new partner who probably doesn't know what he's really like yet. He is also pretty much living the life of a single guy while you are raising his son. He sounds like someone you are well rid of to be honest. It's out of your control whether he chooses to maintain contact with your DS so try not to stress about that. What will be will be. You sound like a great mum so just keep focusing on that.