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Entertaining H on Xmas eve/day when we've recently split.

(11 Posts)
Hoppityfuckingvoosh Mon 19-Dec-16 13:45:09

Life is really crap at the moment and I'm just wading through it as best I can.
DH and I have split amicably (I suppose) and have been living apart for months. We only officially called it quite very recently so there's a lot of awkwardness, hyper consideration of each other's feelings etc.
he will be staying over on Xmas eve so we can do Christmas with our DC together. I have no problem with this-I suggested it-but I've realised that we've done nothing but discuss "us" for the last 6 months. When we're alone together, our conversation always ends up there.
I'm exhausted with it. I do not want to spend Christmas Eve discussing how sad we are, or feeling more shit about things than I already do.
So I ask-how do I fill the time between DC going to bed and me being able to politely go to my bed? I won't be drinking so can't dull the awkwardness that way.
So far I've thought we could watch a film, but that still leaves a few hours of dead time.
Can anyone suggest ways of filling it without it veering over into woe is me territory? I can't have another night of it.

Cricrichan Mon 19-Dec-16 13:47:21

Could you go out after the kids have gone to bed?

TheLongRains Mon 19-Dec-16 13:49:30

Do you know anyone (or a few people) nearby who know the situation and may be up for Christmas eve drinks? So, not people who are going to assume you're still together, but people who can just come and hang out, drink mulled wine and eat snacks and generally just be a merry distraction from any unwanted conversation?

anonyAnonymouse Mon 19-Dec-16 13:50:06

As soon as DC goes to bed, retreat to your bedroom , to your own space, with a bottle of wine and something to watch a film on. Your being kind enough to let your ex stay over, you don't have to entertain him as well.
Also means you get to pick the film grin

RedMapleLeaf Mon 19-Dec-16 13:51:16

Go out? Go to bed?

RedMapleLeaf Mon 19-Dec-16 13:52:18

Basically anything other than spending the evening with him. Let him have the evening doing bath and bedtime.

bluebell9 Mon 19-Dec-16 13:53:35

Can you do any prep for the next day? Peeling veg, wrapping presents etc

Have a look at the tele schedule and plan a night of tele.

And I would tell your DH that you don't want to end up discussing the relationship over Christmas too so he is aware. he might be feeling the same.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas

SteppingOnToes Mon 19-Dec-16 14:05:14

Will that not be confusing for the children?

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Mon 19-Dec-16 17:04:55

DC are very young so it's not confusing in the sense that they think he'll be coming home. He's around a lot anyway so it won't be anything new to them.
Thanks for the suggestions. Would have gone out but nowhere to go and public transport stops at 5ish around here.
I think telling him that us hanging out together is contingent on us not talking about our relationship.
Would have loved to have friends all over but most have small kids or are away visiting family.
I

SeaCabbage Mon 19-Dec-16 17:15:33

Yes do tell him because then hopefully you can relax and maybe enjoy his company. Television and vegetable preparation could be your friends!

1DAD2KIDS Mon 19-Dec-16 18:03:30

Difficult one. My ex wife is spending Christmas with me and the kids this year. She lives 100 miles away so its the only way we can both enjoy Christmas with the kids as it would be sad for either of us to miss out. This will be our second Christmas since she left me and the kids. Luckily we can get on fine with each other. We don't bring up relationships or what happen to us (apart from she occasionally talks about some of the happy times). Basically for me now its water under the bridge and she made her choices. For her she is pretty much to embarrassed to bring up how she treated us all. But last year was harder, it was still raw. But we can both enjoy time together and talk without awkwardness.

I suppose you need to plan an evening itinerary to ensure you can avoid awkward conversations. Maybe make sure to stack all the dirty plates up. Then you can kill some time washing them. Then there is the tidying up. A movie will kill some time. I he tries to talk tell him you are trying to listen to the movie. Of course you could just say you have been so busy the last few days getting Christmas sorted and you want an early night so you are fresh the next day. I think your well within your rights to lay some ground rules like not talking about relationships. Do you find your self getting dragged into these conversations or do you think he brings something up you could just say I am not going to talk about that?

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