I can't sleep, I'm sick of this

[Gracey1231]

Hi everyone.
I blocked my ex last week after I told him that him suddenly ignoring me hurts and I can't feel like shit anymore.

He then text me off another number and said that the reason things are the way they are is because it's hard for him and that I think he's living his life happy, I asked him why it is hard and he said it isn't hard to work out, so I said because he misses me and he just said it doesn't matter.

I ignored it and he said he's trying to move on from his feelings and I didn't make it easy but we aren't getting back together because our relationship was "ruined" and I'm not making it easy being friends by bringing up the past
He said he doesn't see himself in a relationship for a long time.

At the start we were talking as friends, laughing about memories and stuff, now all of a sudden he's finding it hard.

I blocked this different number because it hurts but I don't understand
Why is it suddenly hard for him, at the start we broke up and he said it was because his feelings had changed and now he has feelings again, and why doesn't he want to be with me if he's miserable and stuff too

This was my first love and I was his, please can someone help me. I'm so confused.
I love him and I hope we get back together, I suffer with bipolar and I'm going through a depressive stage at the moment so I'm unsure if that's why I'm so upset. Please someone give me guidance

[goddessofsmallthings]

You've started a number of threads about this guy, of which this is one: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2733735-Am-I-getting-lead-on

Why have you not followed the unvarying advice you've been given to go, and STAY, no contact with him?

You're very young and I'm guessing that he is too. It hurts when first love comes to an end, but it seems that either he doesn't yet know his own mind and isn't ready to commit to you in any meaningful way, or he's intent on screwing you up by blowing hot and cold.

No contact means what it says.. If you resolve to stick to it for at least six months while you work on creating an active social life and start dating other guys, I have no doubt you'll see this first romance for what it was and realise that it wasn't to be,

[Gracey1231]

Because I'm an idiot and I am young I'm 21. I've tried to date other guys but I'm not getting any connection with them like I had with this one. I'm such a tit

[PoldarksBreeches]

Stop trying to find a new man when you aren't over this one. And stop trying to be friends with an ex! Now is the time to be single and rely on your other, real friends. Reach out to friends or family and take care of yourself. You will get over him, believe me we have all been there but the only way is no contact for at least half a year.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Don't worry about 'getting a connection' or finding "the one and only" - just get out there and mix and mingle with the opposite sex with a view to widening your social circle and having fun.

If your meds aren't working perhaps it's time for a review?

[Gracey1231]

I don't really have any good friends he was my best friend for years I'm such a tit

[goddessofsmallthings]

You're not a tit by any means. Some on this site met and married the love of their life at a young age, but many had to kiss umpteen frogs before finding lasting love with a guy prince who wholeheartedly reciprocated their feeings.

Don't be in a rush, Gracey. You have a long life ahead of you and can afford to take your time before giving any thought to committed relationships/marriage/motherhood etc.

[Gracey1231]

I just don't understand what he means. I need to get rid but when I don't speak to him and even when I've got him blocked I miss him and I want him back. I can't get my head round this

[ftmsoon]

There's nothing to 'get your head round', it's completely normal to miss him and want him back. He's familiar and comfortable. You need time to get over him, at least 6 months as poldark suggested.
Go and make some friends, get a new hobby: the world is fun please don't miss out.

[SoMuchRoomForActivities]

Gracey It took me a few years to get over my first love. We had a connection and we're together when I was 18 to 24. Ultimately though he was abusive mentally and physically. I was destroyed mentally when we broke up for the last time but still pined for him.

You will find the 'right one' as I have and it will be like night and day. At one point you will realise that you could not imagine being with your ex, but that may take a very long time.

You're not an idiot or a tit; you're feelings are very normal and it sucks. It feels like your heart is being torn from your chest just like a bereavement, as that is what it is.

But it does pass. And you'll come out the other side stronger and wiser. I promise. Good luck.

[Gracey1231]

I just don't understand how he has feelings and misses me and is miserable but doesn't want to get back together. Why was he ok with talking at the start

[ShatnersWig]

Gracey I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you have to stop thinking about this guy and go total no contact. There is no point writing numerous threads and constant naval gazing. There is no point asking yourself or us things like "I don't understand how he has feelings" and "why was he OK with talking at the start". It does you no good. You have to block, no contact and whenever you start to think about him, get busy with something else.

[TheNaze73]

Without wanting to sound like a patronising old giffer, this is a life lesson for you.

You've got to let him go, he's not interested

[NotTheFordType]

I just don't understand how he has feelings and misses me and is miserable but doesn't want to get back together. Why was he ok with talking at the start

Because his "feelings" were in his pants. He wants to keep you on the string in case he needs a quick shag and doesn't have a better prospect lined up.

[Gracey1231]

I can't stop thinking about him. We were long distance and he is religious and wouldn't use me for sex.

I know for myself that I need to get rid and I'm doing my best. But I'd love to understand him. He never is clear

[baconandeggies]

He said he doesn't see himself in a relationship for a long time.

Means - he wants to be free and date / have sex with other people

he is religious and wouldn't use me for sex

I thought the same of my ex - a youth pastor in a respected church. He coerced and used me for sex and then proposed marriage to someone else 3 weeks later.

Moving on from someone is hard hard hard. But you'll get there

[Gracey1231]

My exes one of them people like a loner, I know he isn't able to do that. He has no social media or anything. I'm so fed up

[goddessofsmallthings]

My exes one of them people like a loner

This is how you're coming across, Gracey, as it could be said that you're a 'loner' who is overly absorbed by a long distance 'relationship' while failing to engage with the people around you.

Why aren't you out tonight? There must be something going on on your university/college campus.

[Gracey1231]

I'm not a loner, my friends are all in relationships and the only ones who helped me through this breakup are now back with their exes and don't speak to me that much.

I'm not out because I work 9 hours tomorrow and I'll be shattered

[Simonneilsbeard]

I'm pretty sure this is possibly the 3rd post about the same guy and you're asking the same questions over and over.
If he was interested in having a relationship with you nothing would stop him from doing that.
He doesn't.

[Gracey1231]

Unfortunately it isn't that easy for me to be simple like that. I have tried so much to get over him, I can't. I don't have anyone else to talk to.
There's not really any need in pointing out how many threads I post about it. I am so unhappy and maybe I'm forcing myself into wanting him to want me.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I wasn't proposing that you party all night, Gracey, but if you don't get 'out there' you'll miss out on making new friends who'll provide a distraction from the same old.

What have you done today/tonight that has given your brain a rest from obsessing about him?

Hopefully, you'll have to focus on other matters when you're at work tomorrow and this may help you to realise that we are the masters of our thoughts. We can choose what we think about and can put any unwelcome thoughts out of our minds while we turn our attention to more fulfilling activities.

[Gracey1231]

@goddessoffsmallthings haha strangely tonight i have been looking on B&Q's website and pulled all my wallpaper off in my room, I've hated it for a while so what better excuse than to strip a wall at 11pm. I'm meeting a friend for tea this week and I'm gonna swim and gym, every time I think of him I'm gonna try to do something productive and clean because I am a really messy person

[Maverickismywingman]

I've got to say goddess has a point. If you're working tomorrow, you're already on this at 1:30am.

[Maverickismywingman]

And you could have been out, is my point. Posted too soon.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Sticking to one thread not only a means by which you can chart your progress, but also allows others to be aware of the whole picture thus enabling them to give considered opinions.

Along with 'self-discipline', 'self-control' are words that seem to have gone out of currency, but controlling ourselves and our thoughts can be essential to our wellbeing.

You DO NOT have to think about him continually. You CAN put him out of your mind whenever you choose, but it seems that you're not choosing to do so and have got caught up in an ever increasing circle of negativity.