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How many chances would you give someone to rearrange a first date?

(45 Posts)
Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 11:02:56

He has cancelled twice now at short notice and I think that's probably enough to say "thanks but no thanks". Flakiness is such an unattractive quality!

LillyLollyLandy Tue 08-Nov-16 11:05:06

Twice would be enough for me.

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 08-Nov-16 11:05:42

From just reading your title, my answer was two. So he's had his two chances. I'd forget him.

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 08-Nov-16 11:05:49

From just reading your title, my answer was two. So he's had his two chances. I'd forget him.

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 08-Nov-16 11:06:39

And then I posted it twice just to reiterate it grin

MN posting is being very glitchy for me atm

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 08-Nov-16 11:06:39

And then I posted it twice just to reiterate it grin

MN posting is being very glitchy for me atm

Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 11:08:17

Yes, that's what I thought. I asked a male friend for an opinion on it and he said "If you have to cancel the first time you apologise profusely and make absolutely sure it doesn't happen again". The second time was because a family dinner was sprung on him (which I do believe, and understand it is hard to get out of), but he wasn't apologetic enough, if you see what I mean.

Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 11:09:02

And reiterated your reiteration grin

Lovelybangers Tue 08-Nov-16 11:10:34

Two would be my maximum.

Move on.

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 08-Nov-16 11:10:37

I think it may be a sign from the computer gods that I should get off MN and do some work grin

Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 11:18:57

I should also be working!

Pah! I think the only reason I'm even asking is because a friend recently had a third date with someone where they had each cancelled on the other twice (so he cancelled twice, and so did she) before their first date and that seems to be going well. I think some people have a higher threshold for such nonsense, but I don't have as much free time to be blown out at the last minute whilst already on my way to venue the last time

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 08-Nov-16 12:12:31

I think the fact your friend had cancelled too created a different dynamic. They were both obviously struggling to balance their diaries. Whereas in your case, you haven't cancelled on him at all. I wouldn't cancel on a friend if they were already on their way to meet me unless I had a real emergency. It doesn't sound like that was the case.
It's also fine to have a different threshold for nonsense because you're the one in the relationship. There's no point trying to have someone else's attitude - that's not sustainable.
flowers I'm sorry he's wasted your time. But, on the plus side, at least he has shown you this side at the beginning before you were emotionally invested.

GinIsIn Tue 08-Nov-16 12:21:41

I cancelled a first date twice at short notice. Went on the third one. Been married to him for several years now grin I think it depend on the reasons/excuses?

TheNaze73 Tue 08-Nov-16 12:32:20

Agree with the above, all depends on circumstances

Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 12:36:14

First time the reason was that someone had phone in sick at work and he had to go and cover. The second time was a special occasion meal that he hadn't been told about until the last minute. They seem like decent reasons, if you believe them, but even if they are I don't think I could deal with the uncertainty all the time! I find it quite difficult to get a night off to go out, although he doesn't know enough about me to realise how difficult yet.

My friend on her once because he couldn't be bothered after having been out the night before APlaceOnTheCouch, although that was not the reason he gave her! grin I think you're right about the someone else's attitude thing though. My attitude is different from date bloke's, clearly.

Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 12:40:10

My friend *cancelled on her once. Stupid fingers!

Helbelle75 Tue 08-Nov-16 12:42:55

When I was dating this happened to me - always some excuse (very good, but always last minute). I think the 3rd time it happened, I said don't worry about rearranging, we'll leave it and he was very offended! Lucky escape from that one methinks.

LittleOyster Tue 08-Nov-16 12:52:44

I'd definitely bin him. Once is bad enough, but twice? And so late that you were already on your way to meet him?! It's so, so disrespectful of you and your time. I think you have had a lucky escape with this one...

NerdyBird Tue 08-Nov-16 12:58:10

Hmm. Does he definitely work in an industry where he'd be required to cover at short notice? Also I'd be inclined to think the family dinner wasn't sprung on him; more likely he'd just forgotten he was supposed to be going to and was reminded by a 'where are you?' or 'see you later' text, hence cancelling very late. It's up to you but I probably wouldn't bother.

Trifleorbust Tue 08-Nov-16 13:06:35

Once is fair enough but the onus is then on you not to do it again. Twice is telling the other person you are a bit of a selfish, rude person.

Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 13:07:45

Nerdy Yes, in the sense that it's shift work. So, the shift would have been due to start at 5pm, someone calls in sick at 4.30pm, then he gets called in and lets me know. He's also a shift manager.

I also thought he might have been told about the meal previously and have forgotten, which would be a bit shit of him for different reasons.

forumdonkey Tue 08-Nov-16 14:11:02

Once is understandable twice for me is taking the piss. I wouldn't make arrangements for a third first date.

Vagabond Tue 08-Nov-16 15:26:48

My feeling is always that if a guy wants to see you, he'll move heaven and earth to do so.

Or....I guess.... if he bails twice, did he apologise profusely and re-arrange immediately? If not, I'd think he was a flake.

Nabootique Tue 08-Nov-16 17:04:18

The second time he did apologise and rearrange immediately, or try to. Sort of unconfirmed.

twattymctwatterson Tue 08-Nov-16 18:58:55

None unless there was a death in the family. You don't let people down on the first date.

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