I've name chanced for this as I'm pretty I'm very recognisable under my last name. And this could end up being either very long or I'll have to drip feed. I'll try to keep it to the basic facts.
Anyway, 2.5 months ago I told my dh that I no longer felt like I was in love him and I don't actually want to be a couple anymore.
He was devastated, and to be honest has been completely unable to cope with it.
The reasons for me feeling like it is that over the years, when he hasn't gotten drunk (2-3 times a year approx) he's been incredibly rude to me. I'm not going to say abusive, but just an arrogant twat.
Or he'll get so hammered we can't be intimate together even though I've given him the wink wink nudge nudge.
In addition to the above, I don't feel he's very supportive, in the last 18 months I've lost my grandfather who I was VERY close to. Moved house, had a hysterectomy (I'm 32), had a car accident and then just general life on top.
When I was recovering he did the school runs etc because I couldn't drive but never actually asked how I was, offered affection whilst recovering, nothing.
I have since made a friend online, a man that is in a similar situation to me and we've met for a coffee a few times.
Ex isn't happy about it at all. He believes this other person is the reason I won't "try". He doesn't seem to understand what he is asking me to do.
He's asking me to "work at it and try and make things work and try and love him again". I've explained it isn't as easy as that because to work at it etc, you both have to want to. And I don't want to "try" because I don't want to be with him.
He is saying that I should be doing what I have to do for the sake of our family, for our daughter. I've said that I'm happy to cohabit, us to be friends and raise her together (I know this is ideal, but I have to consider that dealing with my mother throughout all of this is going to be even more hellish, she's another thread just on her own).
I've told him that he can go if he can't handle it, and he's putting ALL the blame of our situation on me and the friend I've made.
I'm at a completely loss as to how to get it through to him that he just can't tell me that I have to try and work at our marriage. I've explained that he may as well pick a random off the street and ask me to fall in love with them. He think I'm talking utter shit because we've been together 16 years etc (since we were 16).
I'm at loss and I don't know where to turn.
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Relationships
Being told I have to "try"
DisneyedOut · 27/10/2016 06:53
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