Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

He wants to ask his two best mates.. One of which I haven't met to be guardian for our unborn child

(32 Posts)
Busybee2029 Sat 17-Sep-16 17:05:21

Am I wrong in saying to my fiancé I'd like to meet this one freind before we ask him to be a guardian for our daughter?
He text me today while he was at football (drunk) to say

I'm here with my two best friends can I mention guardianship to them.

I said yeah that's fine but I'd like to meet the second before we make it official.

He then went in a hump saying just trust me for God sake.

Am I wrong?

LuckySantangelo1 Sat 17-Sep-16 17:08:59

No, not at all. It should be a joint decision, made after discussion between the two of you.

popthisoneout Sat 17-Sep-16 17:10:29

It's not really a drunk conversation and no YANBU.

Tiggeryoubastard Sat 17-Sep-16 17:15:21

Err why on earth does your child need guardianship?

mrsfuzzy Sat 17-Sep-16 17:17:54

do you mean godparent ? dp is vvu

Lordamighty Sat 17-Sep-16 17:18:08

3 drunken men at football don't get to make decisions about your unborn child, he is being ridiculous.

Aussiebean Sat 17-Sep-16 17:18:41

Usually you pick one guardian. How many are you planning? Or do you mean god parents?

Busybee2029 Sat 17-Sep-16 17:18:56

Lol tigger
We aren't very religious people and don't want to christen our children untill they decide that's what they want.
So it incase something should happen to us.. I've been in I'll health lately so I want to know they're safe. That's why

Lumpylumperson Sat 17-Sep-16 17:19:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Busybee2029 Sat 17-Sep-16 17:20:24

Basically god parents yes.. I said two couples hes saying he can't choose between these freinds
Yes quite frankly I'm not happy about it either.

Lumpylumperson Sat 17-Sep-16 17:21:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Busybee2029 Sat 17-Sep-16 17:21:14

I think it's bloody strange too and I'm going to pull him on this tbh. He's met all my friends

ImperialBlether Sat 17-Sep-16 17:21:26

What? He wants you to sign something to say this stranger (to you) will bring up your child if anything happens to you? He's crazy. The guy is crazy too if he's even contemplating accepting that.

Busybee2029 Sat 17-Sep-16 17:27:30

Exactly I'm not being unreasonable at all am I? He thinks I'm being physco.. Honestly don't know how to respond to him

SandyY2K Sat 17-Sep-16 17:28:36

I presume neither of you have family members you'd like to do this then.

It should be someone you both choose together and can I ask if these friends have kids of their own?

Are they married or do they have partners?

Would the partners be agreeable?

Are they really in any position to do this in the unfortunate event that something happens to either of you?

Aussiebean Sat 17-Sep-16 17:31:11

Tell you will discuss when he is sober.

Tiggeryoubastard Sat 17-Sep-16 17:34:08

Guardianship is completely different to being a godparent. Does he realise this? Do you? Please find out before you sign any forms. Godparent means nothing legally.

DavidWainwrightsFeet Sat 17-Sep-16 17:37:32

And actually guardianship doesn't mean anything in law either because human beings cannot be left to other human beings like a house or a car. You could put an expression of wishes for guardianship in your will but if your parents/siblings wanted to fight it and especially if the people in question had never met you or your baby then it would count for very little.

ImperialBlether Sat 17-Sep-16 17:53:28

Does he really think that if you both died, his mates would be able to/willing to take on the care of a little girl they don't know?

Isetan Sat 17-Sep-16 17:57:47

This isn't something you can really decide after one meeting either. Your fiancé is being an idiot and a text announcing a unilateral decision while he is out drinking with his mates, doesn't instil confidence in his maturity, let alone trust in his ability to make such an important decision.

Ignore his texts and wait til he sobers up. This is a joint decision and him calling you names because he isn't getting his own way, isn't a characteristic I'd want in a prospective husand and father.

Guardianship is a huge undertaking and it should be with people who you know you well and trust to raise you child in a way that you'd be comfortable with.

HeddaGarbled Sat 17-Sep-16 17:59:28

No way should you agree to this.

Are there no family members you can nominate as guardians?

If not, it needs to be good friends whom you have known for a long time and whom you trust absolutely. One meeting or even one year of casual meetings would not be enough to make that decision.

MatildaTheCat Sat 17-Sep-16 18:02:12

Out of the question. Family members are most suitable usually. If not there needs to be extremely clear and thorough conversation about the implications of taking on a child/ten until they are adults.

Refuse to contemplate this but do discuss together and also ensure that there is sufficient life insurance in place to finance their upbringing.

My own db has apparently nominated me and dh and doesn't even have any life insurance hmm

HeddaGarbled Sat 17-Sep-16 18:07:03

Actually, I think that if you're not married, you don't even have to put him on the birth certificate so you might be able to make this decision yourself and not have either of his friends as guardians.

Guardianship is a massive responsibility not a "your my bestest friend" certificate for a bunch of laddy drinking buddies.

Somerville Sat 17-Sep-16 18:08:16

If he actually means to be the child's legal guardian in the event of something happening to both of you then this is totally the wrong way to go about it. You need to think together about who your both know who would be able to meet your child's practical and emotional needs, and bring them up as much in line with your wishes as possible.
Which isn't likely to be someone you've never met.

If it's some kind of pseudo-God parent then call it something else, not guardian. And again, it should really be a discussion and asking a close friend of each of yours, not just two of his mates.

He sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do very quickly.

annandale Sat 17-Sep-16 18:10:14

'Gran, why do I live half the week with Baz and half with Tommo instead of you? They keep saying that I cost a lot, I don't think Baz's wife likes me and I overheard her saying he should have told her about me when they met, and my stepsisters hate me because they have to share a room.' 'Well pet, your dad went to the football one day...'

As he's not met the baby yet I will cut him a few inches of slack, but he clearly hasn't clicked yet that for guardians you don't look round and say 'who do I like most' you think about the child's needs. More worrying that he thinks this is a unilateral decision with you rubberstamping the outcome.

Wait til he's sober and YANBU.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now