He wants to ask his two best mates.. One of which I haven't met to be guardian for our unborn child

[Busybee2029]

Am I wrong in saying to my fiancé I'd like to meet this one freind before we ask him to be a guardian for our daughter?
He text me today while he was at football (drunk) to say

I'm here with my two best friends can I mention guardianship to them.

I said yeah that's fine but I'd like to meet the second before we make it official.

He then went in a hump saying just trust me for God sake.

Am I wrong?

[LuckySantangelo1]

No, not at all. It should be a joint decision, made after discussion between the two of you.

[popthisoneout]

It's not really a drunk conversation and no YANBU.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

Err why on earth does your child need guardianship?

[mrsfuzzy]

do you mean godparent ? dp is vvu

[Lordamighty]

3 drunken men at football don't get to make decisions about your unborn child, he is being ridiculous.

[Aussiebean]

Usually you pick one guardian. How many are you planning? Or do you mean god parents?

[Busybee2029]

Lol tigger
We aren't very religious people and don't want to christen our children untill they decide that's what they want.
So it incase something should happen to us.. I've been in I'll health lately so I want to know they're safe. That's why

[Busybee2029]

Basically god parents yes.. I said two couples hes saying he can't choose between these freinds
Yes quite frankly I'm not happy about it either.

[Busybee2029]

I think it's bloody strange too and I'm going to pull him on this tbh. He's met all my friends

[ImperialBlether]

What? He wants you to sign something to say this stranger (to you) will bring up your child if anything happens to you? He's crazy. The guy is crazy too if he's even contemplating accepting that.

[Busybee2029]

Exactly I'm not being unreasonable at all am I? He thinks I'm being physco.. Honestly don't know how to respond to him

[SandyY2K]

I presume neither of you have family members you'd like to do this then.

It should be someone you both choose together and can I ask if these friends have kids of their own?

Are they married or do they have partners?

Would the partners be agreeable?

Are they really in any position to do this in the unfortunate event that something happens to either of you?

[Aussiebean]

Tell you will discuss when he is sober.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

Guardianship is completely different to being a godparent. Does he realise this? Do you? Please find out before you sign any forms. Godparent means nothing legally.

[DavidWainwrightsFeet]

And actually guardianship doesn't mean anything in law either because human beings cannot be left to other human beings like a house or a car. You could put an expression of wishes for guardianship in your will but if your parents/siblings wanted to fight it and especially if the people in question had never met you or your baby then it would count for very little.

[ImperialBlether]

Does he really think that if you both died, his mates would be able to/willing to take on the care of a little girl they don't know?

[Isetan]

This isn't something you can really decide after one meeting either. Your fiancé is being an idiot and a text announcing a unilateral decision while he is out drinking with his mates, doesn't instil confidence in his maturity, let alone trust in his ability to make such an important decision.

Ignore his texts and wait til he sobers up. This is a joint decision and him calling you names because he isn't getting his own way, isn't a characteristic I'd want in a prospective husand and father.

Guardianship is a huge undertaking and it should be with people who you know you well and trust to raise you child in a way that you'd be comfortable with.

[HeddaGarbled]

No way should you agree to this.

Are there no family members you can nominate as guardians?

If not, it needs to be good friends whom you have known for a long time and whom you trust absolutely. One meeting or even one year of casual meetings would not be enough to make that decision.

[MatildaTheCat]

Out of the question. Family members are most suitable usually. If not there needs to be extremely clear and thorough conversation about the implications of taking on a child/ten until they are adults.

Refuse to contemplate this but do discuss together and also ensure that there is sufficient life insurance in place to finance their upbringing.

My own db has apparently nominated me and dh and doesn't even have any life insurance

[HeddaGarbled]

Actually, I think that if you're not married, you don't even have to put him on the birth certificate so you might be able to make this decision yourself and not have either of his friends as guardians.

Guardianship is a massive responsibility not a "your my bestest friend" certificate for a bunch of laddy drinking buddies.

[Somerville]

If he actually means to be the child's legal guardian in the event of something happening to both of you then this is totally the wrong way to go about it. You need to think together about who your both know who would be able to meet your child's practical and emotional needs, and bring them up as much in line with your wishes as possible.
Which isn't likely to be someone you've never met.

If it's some kind of pseudo-God parent then call it something else, not guardian. And again, it should really be a discussion and asking a close friend of each of yours, not just two of his mates.

He sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do very quickly.

[annandale]

'Gran, why do I live half the week with Baz and half with Tommo instead of you? They keep saying that I cost a lot, I don't think Baz's wife likes me and I overheard her saying he should have told her about me when they met, and my stepsisters hate me because they have to share a room.' 'Well pet, your dad went to the football one day...'

As he's not met the baby yet I will cut him a few inches of slack, but he clearly hasn't clicked yet that for guardians you don't look round and say 'who do I like most' you think about the child's needs. More worrying that he thinks this is a unilateral decision with you rubberstamping the outcome.

Wait til he's sober and YANBU.

[SleepDeprivedAndCranky]

Yanbu. Everyone should be sober for that conversation. you should meet them and most importantly, your dd should like them and they should like her. Are they responsible? Do ye have similar moral values/parenting styles? Would they bring her up as you would, in the event that you and your dp were not around to do it. Would their lifestyle be compatible with raising your dd? Are they financially/emotionally/mentally stable to raise your dd? Do they have any longterm illnesses/addictions? etc. This is a big decision, not something to be done when people are drunk/in a social setting.