Control?

[bubs12348658]

I've name changed for this, but I'm currently on Mat leave (unpaid) I have to ask my partner for money (fuel for the car) etc. He only gives me £10 a time for fuel and so obviously doesn't go far! Then he moans saying he gave me £10 a few days ago. He knows my car isn't great on fuel. When we haven't argued and have been getting on fine he's happy to give me money for what I ask for but if we've had a spat or a massive row and I ask him for some fuel money he point blank refuses. Is this like coercive behaviour? I'm currently waiting for an interview next week and have been looking to get back into work then leave him when I have money saved to rent somewhere. He said ages ago he'd give me so much per month but it's never happened. I hate asking for money "all the time" (which is rare apart from fuel or if I need things)

[category12]

Yes I would say you're being financially abused here.

[Resilience16]

Yes, this is controlling behaviour.
Good luck with the interview next week.
Go to the CAB for some benefits advice to see what if any bens you are entitled to currently and also what you would be able to claim while working.

[bubs12348658]

I will we currently don't get any tax credits or anything like that. I'm going to phone them tomorrow.
Can I do anything in the mean time? I've had to stay in all day with DD because he wouldn't give me any money for fuel as we had a massive blow up on the weekend. I've asked him tonight for some money for fuel and he never said anything. I can't live like this any longer. Feeling a burden and like I just want money all the time. I'd just like some fuel in the car and some in my pocket to be able to take DD out and not feel like I'm pestering all the time

[category12]

Do you receive child benefit? Do you have any family or friends you could ask for help? Are you living rurally?

You could talk to Women's Aid.

[category12]

You realise what he is doing is shameful? - keeping you so short of money that you can't go out.

[category12]

Not your shame - his.

[bubs12348658]

He's managed to turn my mum against me. I only have my sister but she's a lot younger than me and at uni with a little one to look after so wouldn't want to ask her for help. I think I may call womens aid. Thank you all.

[bubs12348658]

Sorry no we don't get child benefit either due to what he earns so much you pay back in tac or something so he has said its not even worth it

[Lilacpink40]

You'd be getting more than £10 random handouts loaded with guilt if you left him. Time to lay yout cards out on the table. A set amount of money in YOUR account every month or everything ends.

[Mosseywossey]

He is way out of order! I am sending a big hug! Can any family help you? Or anyway of picking some money up? Like selling something on eBay? I know not ideal but needs must. eBay business are quite handy. I wish I could be more helpful! This sort of thing happen so often after women go on maternity, :/

[RandomMess]

Start claiming Child Benefit, yes he will have to pay the tax on it but that is his problem.



He earns so much money yet keeps you trapped at home

How is he about buying food, nappies, clothes for DC etc?

[gamerchick]

In your shoes you should be getting the child benefit to protect your stamp. You're in a really shit place if you're not working.

Personally dumping the fucker and starting from the bottom seems more preferable. At least you'll have money.

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

It's your money too. I would be looking for his bank card...

[bubs12348658]

Gamer chic I agree with you!
Random mess- you are right, I may go collect a form from somewhere or call them up! He buys baby stuff, nappies formula, clothes toys etc with no problem.

[category12]

I think you should start claiming child benefit. He'd have to pay it back in income tax - but in the long run, it protects your state pension as well as it would give you some little income right now.

[bubs12348658]

Mossey. Great idea ! But the only things I have to sell on are DD old toys/ clothes. I don't want anymore children and previously have said shall we donate/sell her old things and he said no just keep them cause "you never know" would I be wrong in just getting rid? I know though he's go mental when he realised they had gone for the attic

[category12]

www.gov.uk/government/publications/child-benefit-claim-form-ch2

[bubs12348658]

Lilacpink. I'll give that a go tomorrow. I don't have the energy to talk to him now. He's in a fucking mood still and I'll just end up getting angry with him. Not that I'm not already!

Sorry about the random posts back to you all but I'm so tired and couldn't remember all your names!

[bubs12348658]

Thanks category!

[bubs12348658]

Another question. When filling out the form do I put him on there? I don't know all his full earnings and tax etc and can't imagine he will help me with it

[category12]

Say the stuff is in the attic and sell it all on ebay.

Are you on good contraception?

[bubs12348658]

I am category. To be honest I don't want him anywhere near me now. He can just go fuck himself.
I'm going to photograph things tomorrow and upload them when he's not here. I doubt he will notice anyway (until Xmas) but hopefully I'll be gone from the house then!

[category12]

I don't think you need to put his earnings, skimming the form. it would be helpful if you knew his national insurance number, but I expect they can find it.

[bubs12348658]

Yeah haven't got a sodding clue, although could maybe have a scout round tomorrow when he's not here

[Mosseywossey]

With regard to eBay you could make things, or buy thing and sell them on for more profit. Does he check up on things you do?
But in all honestly it's sounds horrible, 10 pounds for petrol is pitiful and if your mum turned against you and she aware of your husband abuse then I would say that you don't need her. It will only make you feel worse if you stay. Could you find somewhere to stay ?