I'm struggling tonight :(
In 2000 when I was 18 I was forced in traumatic circumstance to have a second trimester termination. It's never left me despite extensive counselling. Lately I've been feeling like I'm that scared, sick, terrified and lonely 18 year old again. I have flashbacks and this time of year is horrific for me.
Dsis is pregnant and we don't get in at all. Dm keeps having a go at me saying poor dais is feeling ill and lonely why won't I help/be supportive. I got upset and said who was there for me when I was 18 and terrified and forced to get rid of a much wanted and loved baby. It haunts me to this day. She said "never talk about it it's in the past" and then shouted me down to tell me I didn't actually feel as bad as I do. Dsis has the same attitude and nobody will let me have valid feelings. It was my baby and I loved it and was heartbroken.
I'm feeling really lost tonight. I was never allowed to talk about it at the time, I was virtually kept a prisoner Windows locked and phone charger taken so couldn't contact anyone and brainwashed into it.
I feel so sad , why will they not allow me to feel what I really feel and allow me to be angry when dsis is treated differently. It hurt when everyone was cooing over her scan yet with mine dm scowled and said "ugh it looks like somethings wrong with it"
I'm still heartbroken after all this time and it's all come out tonight. I can't talk to dh as he's not well so I'm here as nobody else in rl who I can speak with right now
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How do I ever move past this/get over it ?
41 replies
Hedgehog80 · 01/09/2016 22:07
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