I've been with dp for 2 and a half years and even though things were quite rocky at times we always had great chemistry. He's worked through past jealousy,insecuritues and together we've got past a time when he cheated. Now things are better than ever apart from the chemistry which seems to have shifted. He rarely trys it on with me and when I start things off with affection whether it be a cuddle on his lap or sex he will turn everything into a giant joke. Just last night we got into bed and I started kissing him and he joked about loads of gross things to do with his arse, made his penis into a character and put on a cockney accent. Basically just acted like he was down the pub with a bunch of guy friends. Every time he does this I'll feel really put off and so many things will be going through my head like if he does it so I'll leave him alone, if he doesn't fancy me anymore and if he did things like that with that other woman.
I've expressed how I'm not into the joking around in the bedroom but he gets defensive and sulks. Can anyone shed light on this or if you've had similar experiences?
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Relationships
He acts like a clown every time I try it on.
NameChanger876 · 22/08/2016 10:33
Shed light on it?
He's an arsehole.
What more do you need to know?
I sigh every time I read on here that a man has cheated but "we've got past it". By which like most posters I think you mean - you sucked it up and he got away with it. What did he do to get you both past it?
Certainly not decide to always treat you with respect in future 
You've asked him not to do this, he has shown you that he gives just about as much of a toss about your feelings now as he did when he fucked someone else.
I'm sorry to be so blunt, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Sexual rejection is fucking awful, I've been there which is why I'm angry in your behalf! (also with a cheating arsehole)
Honestly, why are you bothering? It's so lovely to have a boyfriend that loves you.
Come on OP, he sounds positively unhinged.
Maybe he has confidence problems - hence the need to cheat, and act like a dick around you, and perhaps can only respond to porn as it doesn't need satisfying like a real woman.....but they are his problems, and he's supposedly a grown man.
Leave him deal with them while you find a mutually satisfying relationship which is based on trust and respect.
My ex was "the clown." Hilariously funny to all, yes, but there were some awful jokes at my expense. I get chills thinking on his "crazy" behaviour now. 
We do still end up having sex but only after he sees I'm already a bit put off or annoyed.
Hmm, so perhaps this is a game where he likes you to feel subdued/upset/grateful during sex? Like this is his little reassurance-seeking act first?
but then wanks himself silly over porn
Why do I suddenly feel as though I've been wasting my breath?
The porn thing is very telling - the fact you see porn and sex as a replacement for each other says that sex is not a bonding experience for the two of you and you see the two as interchangeable. Therefore your problem isn't sex, it's connection.
I think he's using the stupid behavior to tell you he doesn't want to have sex with you. The fact he's still wanking says his sex drive on a physical level is fine, so it's the emotional side of sex he's struggling with. This is the bit that is absent when he's having a wank, so a wank becomes much more preferable to sex because he doesn't have to deal with the emotional side. This has absolutely nothing to do with your physical appearance or how attractive he finds you, it's symptomatic of a disconnect in your relationship somewhere else.
First of all, stop having sex with him after he does the stupid behavior, if he asks why you've gone cold, simply tell him "I find the stupid behavior really off putting" - repeat ad nauseam.
Secondly, address where the emotional disconnect is coming from. There is clearly other problems in the relationship and this is a symptom of that. Identify if there's a lack of closeness or affection and address that before initiating sex again.
Finally, get it completely out of your head that this is about how attractive you are to him. It's really, really not. Thinking this way will make you feel awful about yourself and will just make matters so much worse.
Best of luck OP 
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