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So upset at being left out of family gathering.

(36 Posts)
Babyroobs Sat 06-Aug-16 21:49:18

Please could I have some folks opinions on this situation as I just don't know if I'm over reacting ( I'm sure dh thinks I am !).
Both dh and I have very little family but on my side I do have an Auntie and an Uncle who are my mum's siblings ( my mum died a number of years ago). I also have cousins and they have a couple of kids. I see this extended family a couple of times a year and we always have a nice time,. Either my aunt or my Uncle host the gathering at their homes, we don't because our house is small and needs a lot of work. When we see them we always take food / drink contributions.
The last time I saw them all was at Christmas at my aunts. My auntie did see to take slight offense at something I said, I think she just misunderstood my sense of humour. My Uncle and his wife were telling me about their lovely home improvements, said we ( my family) must come round and see them and asked for dates in feb when we were free, took my new mobile number , said they would call etc, then never did. I was upset that they never followed it up and mentioned I was upset about it to my dad on a number of occasions, he said this is just what they are like and not to worry about it.
Today my dad came round to dinner and told me that a couple of weeks ago he had been to a bbq at this Uncle's house, that my other aunt and cousins had all been there etc. I just feel so devastated that my family weren't invited when everyone else was. I know i am probably over reacting but we have so little family and I love these get togethers. I just feel so hurt. I feel like I never want to see them again.
What would people do ? Ring and ask why we were left out, just let it go and carry on as normal the next time we meet pretending we didn't know?
I also feel so hurt that my dad went along knowing how much I was looking forward to meeting up with them, and that he never questioned them on why we weren't invited ? Am I being pathetic and over reacting? I just can't get my head around why people are so hurtful although I am a sensitive type !

ToffeeForEveryone Sat 06-Aug-16 22:00:28

Do you know for sure that you were deliberately not invited? It could be a genuine oversight, or maybe they could only have so many people over (invited extra non-family)?

In the nicest possible way, your post sounds a bit like you are expecting your extended family to do all the running - i.e. waiting to be invited. Why don't you arrange a picnic in the park, or a Sunday lunch at a local pub or something, and invite everyone?

gamerchick Sat 06-Aug-16 22:00:49

Well imo you're not pathetic but you are overreacting. They're offering you what they can, it's up to you whether you want to accept that.

I can't understand feeling so hurt over something like this to the point of wanting to cut contact.

I have to say if someone repeatedly mentioned they were upset a catch up mentioned in passing never happened I probably would keep them at arms length, family or not.

Why don't you invite them over to yours and have a bit of a shindig?

Babyroobs Sat 06-Aug-16 22:06:25

Toffee - If I had missed their call they could easily have passed an invite on through my dad. I guess I just feel hurt that my other cousins were invited and we weren't. Thanks for your replies.

Newtothis2017 Sat 06-Aug-16 22:19:17

I am sor9to say but I agree with gamerchick. If it upsets you that much just invite everyone to your house. People don't care if it is small so long as it is welcoming

Babyroobs Sat 06-Aug-16 22:28:24

I've always got the impression with both aunt and Uncle that they like doing the hosting, they all like a drink which means they don't have to drive if they host( we live quite a few miles apart). I don't think we've ever taken advantage with food as we always take a lot of food and bottles of wine etc, it's not like we are expecting them to provide everything. Anyway thanks all for your opinions.

SandyY2K Sat 06-Aug-16 22:36:48

I wouldn't say anything to them TBH. I understand you're upset, but I'd leave it and only if you were left out of the next gathering might I say something.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sat 06-Aug-16 22:38:16

I don't think it's fair at all to be upset at your dad for going.

Babyroobs Sat 06-Aug-16 22:42:35

I'm not really upset at my dad going Special, more that he knew that I was really looking forward to a meet up yet he started telling us about how nice it was etc - I just wish he's never mentioned it knowing I would be upset ! Selfish i know. I think perhaps I need to just concentrate on improving my social life generally, I've had too many years of hardly going out due to the kids etc !

Mozismyhero Sat 06-Aug-16 22:42:42

I can totally understand you being upset and think YANBU. However, I personally wouldn't say anything for fear of making things worse somehow. Like a PP said, if you really enjoy these gatherings, you could organise one. Maybe a meal out halfway between you all if you live a few miles away.

Babyroobs Sat 06-Aug-16 22:45:08

And Sorry I realise in my original post it sounds like I didn't want my dad to go, that wasn't the case. He doesn't get out much since losing my mum and I'm so pleased he wasn't left out too.

Waltermittythesequel Sat 06-Aug-16 22:46:48

If you offended the aunt that has been hosting you all this time she probably thought 'why should I?'

Babyroobs Sat 06-Aug-16 22:49:08

Thanks Walter - It wasn't that aunt that hosted this time and it was just a misunderstanding.

Waltermittythesequel Sat 06-Aug-16 22:52:20

Is it possible that it was more serious to your aunt and that they're taking sides??

Or do you think maybe they feel like you don't pull your weight with hosting etc?

llhj Sat 06-Aug-16 23:08:28

Are you close your cousins? Could you ask one of them if there's a problem? That's what I'd do.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sat 06-Aug-16 23:09:00

Is it possible that it was more serious to your aunt and that they're taking sides??

I reckon it might be this too. Can you give us some more details of the altercation?

BTW, YANBU to be upset about being the only ones left out. I would be!

Babyroobs Sat 06-Aug-16 23:20:39

Thanks all. I bit the bullet and messaged my cousin and I don't think I have offended anyone thank goodness. She says it is all down to my Dad finding it too much noise with the children + cousins children being there all togetherat family gatherings. He must have expressed this to my aunt and uncle at some point and they wanted to be sure my Dad went to this one as he doesn't get out much and thought they could assure him being there by not having us and our brood (4) there !! She says her 13 year old son didn't go just her older 18year old dd. My cousin says she questioned my aunt and uncle ( the hosts) and expressed her surprise at us not being there at which my aunt got tongue tied and gave the explanation. Anyway it seems a bit odd as my dad has been round tonight as he often does for dinner and our ( mostly teenagers) sit there in silence and he coped fine !!. Anyway thanks for all your help, I'm just relieved I haven't upset anyone and feel daft for being so upset. Thanks for all your support.

Waltermittythesequel Sun 07-Aug-16 00:17:13

That sounds like a crock of shit, tbh.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 07-Aug-16 01:03:49

Sorry, I think she's lying.

annielouisa Sun 07-Aug-16 01:19:20

I think it is more likely the hosts wanted a child free BBQ and used your dad as an excuse. When put on the spot they cobbled together a half baked explanation.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 07-Aug-16 01:40:07

Agree with Annie. Kinda shitty for them to blam your own dad, they must know that would cause animosity.

Thelyingbitchandthewardrobe Sun 07-Aug-16 06:35:23

Even if your aunt is lying about doing this for your dad, it's good to see the rest of your family have your back. You weren't there and it was immediately questioned - you're not out of the loop wink.

KERALA1 Sun 07-Aug-16 07:40:21

Sorry but you have 4 dc, so are essentially 6 extra guests, you were rude to one of them and you never reciprocate? I can sort of see their point sorry.

Also you sound terribly invested in this, most people I know wouldn't notice if left out of an event like that - socialising with parents and cousins often a duty call. I think you need to work on broadening your own social lives rather than relying on family.

Blu Sun 07-Aug-16 07:56:55

Yes, it sounds as if they wanted a smaller do, child free.
Not everyone gets invited to every single event, surely?

PotteringAlong Sun 07-Aug-16 08:11:56

Also, it's ok for your aunt to just want her children at the BBQ and not you lot too. I love my cousins; I wouldn't want them to be at every gathering my parents hold. Sometimes it's nice being just us.

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