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Boyfriend a lost cause?

(40 Posts)
user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 00:24:12

Hey everyone new here and just needed some advice,

Quick background: I'm 21, I have a 3 year old son with my boyfriend, I've been with him 5 years. He has been been violent to me in the past and as a result myself and my child live on our own and have done for years. (Love it - that's not an issue 🤗) Must add he is great with our son and he is 23.

Tonight we saw each other before he went home and he's in one of his moods which isn't unusual, so I ask him what's up 🙄 and he replies that he doesn't like the way I talk to him lately as in I'm not nice/cute enough don't text him cute things and he doesn't like it that I'm not dressing up for him as much as I usually do and referred to a couple of days ago I was wearing these open toe summer shoes he loves and now I'm just wearing boots 😂 I literally just said umm maybe that's because it was a hot day and today it's been raining I can't wear his favourite stuff all the time! and specifically that I haven't washed and done my hair tonight 😤 I was literally gob smacked at both the stupidity I heard tonight and the audacity he has is astonishing!
He thinks I should dress up and make a huge effort ALL of the time yet he comes round in what ever he pleases and moans at me - i mean I dress well and wear nice makeup etc I take pride in my appearance but I am also entitled to wear a baggy Tshirt and put my hair up back at my apartment when he comes round, no?
He also says he wants me to give him more blow jobs and be sexier, I must add (sorry abit TMI) I have sent sexual pics and texts past few days, yet when I ask for some back it is ALWAYS a no or maybe next time, he refuses to go down there on me (ovbiously after I've showered) and yet expects me to a lot, 2 nights a go we had a row because I was doing that for him and he wouldn't do anything for me yet was saying its not how I want it etc etc moaning it's not good enough.l basically.
He's not fair in this relationship sexually, emotionally or socially, do I just pack it in? He's not been violent for a year and has been seeing a councillor for a good year, (not that that's ok just more info for you), lately I'm just so fed up he expects me to me this trophy girlfriend that looks amazing and sexy and is all over him 24/7 yet won't give anything back! Literally, selfish much!

What do you guys think?

JackieAndHyde4eva Fri 08-Jul-16 00:26:42

Oh his ass should be on the kerb right now!! You dont even need to ask. He's a violent asshole. Get him gone.

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 00:39:25

Thank you and for such a quick reply x

chipmonkey Fri 08-Jul-16 00:48:13

If he was violent even once, that would be it for me. As it is, he sounds selfish and controlling. You deserve better.

Thomasisintraining Fri 08-Jul-16 00:49:49

Yes he is a test. Dump him. Now.

Thomasisintraining Fri 08-Jul-16 00:50:12


user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 00:51:12

Thank you for the reply! X

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 00:53:12

Thanks for reply and for the clarification! X

Glastokitty Fri 08-Jul-16 01:06:12

Yes, get rid, he sounds absolutely awful!

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 01:09:29

Thank you for replying xx

VimFuego101 Fri 08-Jul-16 01:12:38

What do you get out of the relationship? Does he make you laugh, make you happy, make you feel good about yourself?

fanniboz Fri 08-Jul-16 01:14:20

Do what will enable you to enjoy your life, wear what you want and give the opportunity of a great relationship with a lovely guy flowers

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 01:19:09

Only sometimes makes me laugh and pays me compliments, that may be followed with a few puts downs over the next weeks 😬 Wow even me writing this out doesn't sound good

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 01:20:16

Thank you lovely advice fanniboz! X

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 08-Jul-16 01:30:37

Sorry, but you are not his trophy girlfriend, you are his booty call. There's barely a relationship to pack in. Dump and don't look back, get on with the rest of your life, which will be so much better without him in it.

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 01:32:33

Thank you for advice xx

PitilessYank Fri 08-Jul-16 01:39:38

I think if you were to poll most people in happy long-term relationships you would find very little of the behavior that your boyfriend exhibits.

I am old enough to be your mother and I would be very unhappy to see my daughter treated like this or to see my sons behaving this way in a relationship.

What does your family think about him? If you have not had many romantic relationships you may not have a basis for comparison, but his behavior really does sound lousy.

There are many very lovely young men out there, and I hate to think of you saddling yourself with someone so

TendonQueen Fri 08-Jul-16 01:48:23

The violence would be a deal breaker for me, but even without that or if he never did it again, he sounds like a dead weight round your neck. Who wants all this moaning and selfishness in their life? You've already got one child to look after! He can be a dad to your son without you having to put up with all this as his girlfriend.

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 01:49:38

PitilessYank, thank you for the reply, he has been my first serious boyfriend that being said I think you are correct that I have no comparison I can make unfortunately,
My mother lives abroad travelling so she's not fully in the know, however she has expressed she wants better for me, the rest of my family feel the same, as do some of his family at times! X

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 01:53:53

TendonQueen Very true I don't need this selfishness I think it was just highlighted tonight by his remarks and I was shocked at how selfish he actually is! But thank you violence is not ok even though I stayed initially I would now never condone it xx

PitilessYank Fri 08-Jul-16 02:09:52

I sympathize with your situation.

It took me years, and a number of messed-up relationships, before I was able to recognize and appreciate a healthy relationship.

Maybe think about what you would want your child to have in a partner, and to be like, as a partner, and apply those same standards to your own situation?

pinkyredrose Fri 08-Jul-16 02:13:04

He sounds an absolute cunt. I don't think he even likes you let alone loves you. He treats you like shit. How much longer are you willing keep this rubbish in your life?

PitilessYank Fri 08-Jul-16 02:13:49

What I mean is apply the same care and thoughtfulness to yourself that you would with someone you loved dearly, like your son, a good friend, etc.

Don't take any guff from him!

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 02:54:35

PitilessYank Thank you so much, never thought to see it from this point of view, if this post was from my child or a future daughter i'd see it very differently, please know that your advice helped me feel better and clearer on the situation x

user1467931976 Fri 08-Jul-16 02:56:07

Definitely won't take any further gruff either haha thankyou I also have lots of family/friends support and it seems online too x

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