I just need to rage

[RubbishMantra]

DH hung himself less than a year ago. My parents made a bad choice in buying a property abroad, which has decreased by over 50% that they paid for it. I agreed to oversee selling the white elephant, that in 6 months hasn't had 1 viewing. The only reason i am continuing to help is because I gave my word.

Today I received a bill from them for community charges (£1100 p/a) When I enquired as to why they were sending this to me, the response I got was WE'VE ALREADY PAID IT. They know that I've had an interim payment from DDDH's estate.

He (father) actually just rang me, I rang him straight back and he said, "What are you doing ringing me? I told you not to!" I could hear mother screeching in the back ground.

I wish they weren't my parents.

[bedouincheek]

I'm so sorry about your DH.
Your parents seem just super. I'm not sure I understand how agreeing to manage the sale equates to you shelling out any money. Rant away. Seem like selfish twunts to me.

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

So, so sorry for you.

[DeathStare]

Oh RubbishMantra

I think you need to tell your parents that you can't oversee the selling of their house anymore. It's more hassle than you need.

[penguinplease]

Sometimes the best thing to do for your own sanity is to walk away..

[RubbishMantra]

I won't go back on my word, re. the flat. I think they're both losing the plot.

DH used to refer to it as "misery pie" - they want to give everyone a slice, because they've never liked each other. Mother's always told us she was seeing a bloke called Fred Ginger () at the same time as my father, and she would marry the first one who asked her, so she could leave home. Different generation I suppose, because I left home at 16 (as did my sisters) without a proposal. Just because I hated the dry, loveless atmosphere.

[RubbishMantra]

My mother had an affair, and when the bloke fucked her off, she came back to my father, on the condition that my eldest sister moved out, because bloke mother was having an affair with was the father of my eldest DS bf.

[coco1810]

I am really sorry about your DH but I don't understand your need to stick to this promise. They do not sound like supportive and loving parents during your grief. Let them deal with it.

[RubbishMantra]

I've tried telling them that I have too much going on at the moment, and I just get "Well we have XYZ going on, and you committed to this." Never ask how I'm coping.

They couldn't even be arsed to attend DH's funeral, who was "like a son to them."

[NoncommittalToSparkleMotion]

They sound horrible and I'm so sorry about your DH

you may not feel it, but you are stronger than you feel.

[FolderReformedScruncher]

I think you should walk away too.

[pictish]

I don't quite understand the OP, sorry.
If they have already paid the community charges, why are you pissed off about them? I am missing something obviously.

And why has your father been told not to ring you?

[Steppenwolfe]

Send them(parents) back all documents via recorded delivery . Contact any estate agents via email and state you are no longer the contact for overseeing sales and give new contact info .. There you are ! You had to speak to no one and it is no longer your burden. Stop this crap , you have enough to deal with .
Can the phone call from your parents be any worse that the abuse you are enduring? Why- to prove a point of imagined honour? If you don't want the phone call . Block their number .

[flanjabelle]

100% agree that you should walk away. What good do these people bring to your life? In what way do they love and support you? It seems like a completely one way arrangement. You give, they take.

Cut them off op. Surround yourself with people who actually care for you, like you do them. Otherwise you are going to end up having a breakdown. You poor thing. So sorry for your loss op.

[Potentialmadcatlady]

My counsellor is going through things about my family with me at me... I told her all about them.. She swore and said 'cut them all off' .. I said I can't do that and she said why.. I said he is my Dad and she said so.. I said he's my Dad and she said he isn't helping you he's helping to destroy you.. I have been struggling with that statement all week long.. The rest of them I don't have a problem ignoring but he's my Dad so I understand were you are coming from...there's also non selling property involved and I'm seriously considering handing it back o the bank...
You have enough on your plate.. We all do I guess without letting those closest to us try to destroy us too.. I'm still trying to get my head round that one..

[RubbishMantra]

Pictish, because they sent the bill to me with no explanation. When I emailed to enquire if it was because they wanted me to pay it, I got the answer "We've already paid it"! In shouty bold lettering.

I have no idea why my father told me not to ring him when I was returning a call I'd missed by about 15 seconds. They've just been pretty awful to me since DH died, and they've barely spoken to me since. She feels suicide is shameful/my fault. They've both said it's my fault on separate occasions.

[pictish]

Gosh ok, sorry. I must have been tired last night as I couldn't make head nor tail of it...my mistake.

Ok...they do sound quite difficult.

[RubbishMantra]

I've had similar responses with counsellors re. my parents, Potential.

I don't know if it's the same for you, but I'm always chasing that teeny glimmer of hope, that they'll show some kindness, even though I know they won't.

[SecretLimonadeDrinker]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Blaming you is a wicked thing to do, it's not your fault.

[DeathStare]

Please please distance yourself from these people. You don't need to never see them again, but right now they are really not helping you. You have been through a horrendous ordeal and right now you just need to be surrounded by love and support - and certainly not given any additional chores to do. It would be great if your family understood that and acted appropriately but clearly they don't understand it so for your own sake, and if you have any children for their sake, you need to set some boundaries and prioritise your own wellbeing.

[Kitsa]

You deserve better parents. I am so sorry.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Sweetheart, in the nicest possible way, you aren't thinking straight. Unsurprisingly 💐

Take whatever strength & sanity you have left and get them told. Tell them you tried, you no longer have time to sort THEIR property out. It's irrelevant what else they have on, it's THEIR house & THEIR problem.

You have enough to deal with in your own life 💐 They have been utterly vile to you since your DH died, you owe them less than nothing.

[Potentialmadcatlady]

Yes I chase that glimmer of hope...to be honest I seem to chase it in everyone but I just get disappointed every time...how hard can it be to be kind to each other...

[Canyouforgiveher]

I've tried telling them that I have too much going on at the moment, and I just get "Well we have XYZ going on, and you committed to this." Never ask how I'm coping.

They couldn't even be arsed to attend DH's funeral, who was "like a son to them."

come on OP. these people are horrible. you can hope and hope all you like but they will still be horrible. god knows what went on in their own lives to make them this way - but that is not your problem.

I'd have abandoned them at the not being arsed to attend the funeral.

Take care of yourself.

Send them an email saying "can no longer help you with sale of the flat"

Block them

Move on with your own lovely life.

[RubbishMantra]

Thank you all for replying.

I sent a measured email to my mother, explaining why I'm not in a place to sell their white elephant flat. She told me she has breast cancer (went for a mammogram/biopsy yesterday)

My sister, who is a long term health professional, tells me it takes at least 2 weeks to provide a diagnosis.