Long, sorry. I was going to NC for this but can't be arsed.
Last year my mother, who is visually impaired, took out POAs for money and health, giving me the power of attorney. I get shopping, deal with mail, meds, applied for all her benefits, got her a iphone so she can use SIRI to call/text etc. and visit most days. My oldest DS also helps out a lot. Neither of my sisters live near and perhaps see her once a month. She made me POA because I do all the 'care' and as she blames one of my sisters for bad decisions made when my father was at the end of his life, regarding his medical care.
My other sister has a disability which means it would be difficult for her practically to act as POA.
A couple of months ago DP's elderly aunt, who has no children, needed our help. She lives quite some distance so we went overnight. While we were away my mother behaved appallingly, phoning me demanding I do things for her that I wasn't able to do etc. When I came back she had a massive strop over nothing which led to a heated row.
Now the aunt has suddenly been taken ill and is not expected to live for very much longer (particularly aggressive cancer). This means that we have had to fit in visiting her and sorting out practical things for her at a distance, DP is next of kin. My mother is still getting everything she needs but is not the main focus iyswim?
I was summoned yesterday to be told that she has revoked POA as "she wants to be more independent". I can't quite believe the stupidity. I tried to explain that she has just made herself more vulnerable purely out of spite. I just really don't know how to deal with this. When I went to walk away after the previous row she screamed "that's it, let me starve". She depends on me to get her food as there is literally no one else who is prepared to do it, I can't walk away but I dearly want to. I think she is worried that she won't have her will as a stick to beat me with once the aunt passes as she assumes DP will be the main beneficiary. My sisters are obsessed with their inheritance but I really don't think that way, particularly as I can see a time when she needs constant care so there may be no inheritance left, she has very little apart from her house. This doesn't seem to have occurred to the others. We have no idea what arrangements the aunt has made but we think most will go to charity, so my mother is making a lot of incorrect assumptions. I suspect she thinks her hold on me is somehow slipping away, which is ridiculous, I help because she is my mother not what's in it for me. I really don't know how to continue dealing with her.
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Relationships
Revoked POA
SymphonyofShadows · 02/06/2016 08:44
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