I can only speak from personal experience, but I think computer games and becoming an increasingly popular and acceptable way of infantilising men. Essentially, it's just a game. Learning how to 'shoot' on a game does not mean that in real life you'd be a crack shot. Fast reflexes on a game does not mean that the user is a ninja in real life. I don't believe it has many useful transferable skills in real life. What it does do, is allow the player to absolve themselves from responsibility- kids, wife, girlfriend, cooking, cleaning....all of the things that children don't do, which grown men revisit by playing games. I think its the modern equivalent of locking themselves in a shed and playing with train sets. Now, we have grown men absorbed by screens, playing stupid games.
I am a bit bitter about this, as it was a strong reason why I ended a 6 year relationship. As a child, I played computer games (in the 80's it was all textris and pacman, nothing as fancy as today's graphics), but I grew out of them and, you know, had a life. But my ex, he remained absorbed in games. When I criticized them (or rather, the amount of time he spent playing them) he would get angry, defensive, and would claim that as he played 'strategy games' (games where you plan how to conquer a country, or take out a fleet of ships), that was different from 'mindless' games. It's all the same to me. It's not spending time with loved ones, it's not edifying yourself with useful knowledge, and more importantly, I think it is very selfish. I cooked, and cleaned around him, as he sucked his life away on the computer. He would switch it on first thing in the morning, and would be on it until after midnight. He had a massive beast of a machine, that whirred and made irritating sounds as it got too hot, and it sat on the dining room table, so we only ever had a few meals at the table. Always ate off our laps on the sofa. He would make a massive fuss if it had to be moved.
One day the new cleaner (the cleaner I had sourced and paid for because I was fed up of carrying his share of the cleaning load- he would do a quick burst of activity and then nothing for weeks and expect me to be grateful, but I think only ever did a couple of clothes washes in 6 years) accidentally unplugged the computer when he was on it; he screamed and yelled at her so much she fled, in tears, never to return. He was furious with me for hiring her, and her unplugging the computer was 'my fault'. (He clearly has anger issues).
I would always go to bed before him, and one night, I got up around midnight to get some water, and I caught him wanking in front of the machine. He pretended he wasn't. I don't care that he was wanking, but I just thought- he has a naked female in a bed in the adjacent room, and STILL he prefers the computer?! Bitch, please!
I was engaged to this man, and I knew that if I married him, my life would be that cautionary tale you see on MN. The disassociated husband who engages only with the computer, the full weight of wife work, career, and kids resting solely on me. And I thought, 'ah fuck that, I need to extract myself'. And so I did (3 years too late, but still).
A good friend of mine has a teenage son- he also spends a lot of time on the computer, hours and days at a time. I think it starts young, and I don't think the situation will get better- he will end up like my ex. Consumed by a screen. I understand men use it as their 'downtime', but really, how much downtime do they need? and why do men get the priority of their downtime over women's ? How many women say, 'sod the cooking and the cleaning and keeping the children alive, I'm going to go and play with my Barbies all day, look after yourself, yeah?'
My current boyfriend doesn't play any of these twatty candy crush games on the phone, or anything on the computer. I just can't tolerate it- I can't watch a man become slowly, intangibly, absorbed in utter, utter bollocks. I see them all on the train, in the cafes, on buses, fiddling around on their phones zapping primary coloured balls, or exploding animated goblins, wasting their lives on something that just fundamentally DOES NOT MATTER. It makes me hate them. I have no respect for them, I see them as overgrown toddlers, with their slobby clothes that don't fit properly, and yesterday's egg down the front of their suits, and scruffy hair, and unpolished shoes, and podgy stomachs and flabby arses (because they'd rather mess about on a screen than exercise, and it's easy to stuff fatty junk food into your mouth when sat in front of the computer) and I think 'yuck!' (yes, I know this is extreme, but it's how I feel. I realise I might have some unresolved issues from my ex. I am waiting for counselling).
I appreciate there are women out there who play games- cool (I'm not knocking you)- but I'm not dating them. And I would never date any men who prioritizes hours of computer time over me again. That's just my choice. To me, it's the equivalent of a man saying 'Hi! My name is Mark, I'm a grown man, and I like playing with my Power Rangers/ Star Wars/running around with light sabres or toy guns or toy trains'. We limit children's time on the computer, but we don't limit adults, because we assume they can self monitor. But some of these men just don't. They will abscond from their lives because they can, because the lure of the computer is the seductive siren call, and because the women in their lives are capable and competent at carrying double their share. And that, that just depresses me. I actually think it could be a feminist issue- not least because the majority of these games are aimed at men, featuring men, and the women in them tend to be very sterotypical.
So in answer to your question, yes (some) blokes are stuck in permanent adolescence, and society is enabling it.
(Mine is an extreme tale, but it has caused me so much misery. I'm telling it just in case anyone else is going / went through the same thing). I have no wish to insult the MNners out there who game.
