Hello, Ive been spurred on my a separate thread and would appreciate some input. Im really unhappy with my situation at the moment and wonder what you might do in my situation. This might ramble a bit so I apologise.
We have been married for ten yeas. No children. Five years ago, my DH underwent surgery. This resulted in nerve damage and as a result of this, he is unable to get an erection. At the time, we were told that it could improve, and weighing this up against the risk of the problem causing the surgery, was one we were both happy to take. However, things have not improved, (so far as Im aware)
I love DH to bits. However, as the title suggests, I've had no love life whatsoever for the past five years. Very little physical contact, just the odd peck on the cheek now and again and the occasional cuddle, always instigated by me. He rarely comes to bed at the same time as me so no night time cuddles.
For some time now, he's been very negative about just about everything. Literally every word that comes out of his mouth is a complaint or negative comment, not specifically about me, it's about everything. If the news comes on I change the channel as it starts a rant. He's fallen out with the neighbour which to be fair, Im totally in agreement with him on). I seem to be constantly trying to cheer him up or jolly him out of it. He never asks about my day or how Im feeling.
He's also constantly moaning about us being poor. He has about £600k worth of investments, and currently has about £7k in his current account. He is retired and draws a substantial pension from his investments. I am currently £300 overdrawn (I earn around £1k a month and never manage to save anything). I've had an expensive month with two family birthdays and road tax and insurance falling due. I asked him to come along to a supermarket with me today to get enough food in to tide us over until I get paid next week and he went absolutely off on one, asking how I think Id manage if it wasn't for him as he "pays for everything". We spent £40 in Aldi.
We have no mortgage (house is worth circa £350k), he pays council tax and utility bills (which I regularly check on comparison sites to keep them a low as possible - he cant use a computer and has no interest in doing this) and I tax and insure the car (which is £800 a year!!) and buy all the food and do all the cooking and most of the housework.
Lately, I've been feeling very isolated. My friends and family live about 20 miles away. DH isn't particularly sociable, and we stay in, every night, for months on end. He doesn't drink. He spends most evenings in his workshop, working on his hobby whilst Im cooking or doing the house work. My best friend is getting married later this year and we're both invited to the ceremony and to the evening reception. His reaction? "Why do I have to go, she's your friend?". My other friends will be there with their husbands.
Ive started thinking about going to stay with my parents for a bit, just to clear my head and have a bit of a break. Im scared that I wont want to come back.
What would you do in this situation?
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Married ... celibate for the last 5 years. Wondering which way to turn.
myusernameisboring · 16/05/2016 17:51
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This sounds to me more like an AIBU to divorce thread.
Reading your OP I think your title isn't great.
You're about the same age as me, I'd be ok to be celibate in my marriage because it's equal, happy and filled with intimacy other than sex.
Would I remain in a loveless, sexless marriage full of...nothing? Nope!
Are you seeking validation that it's ok to leave him? I'm struggling to work out why you'd stay!
My 40's have been the decade I've come alive. Yours could be too 
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