Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

One rule for one

(39 Posts)
LaGattaNera Sun 17-Apr-16 19:14:18

He can bump into friends in the street or at Costa and after introducing me, talk to them for ages without including me and he can make calls on his mobile or send emails or look at football apps whilst we are out for coffee, whereas I am in the wrong if I bump into someone and try and include him. I once said how nice my coffee was and he closed my lips with his fingers and told me to shut up and enjoy it then.

He can keep me waiting for days to let me know his plans at the weekend and on a workday it is often 4pm or later before I find out if he is free or rather if he wants to meet yet he likes to know my plans days ahead and gets cross if I don't know or am waiting to hear from work or a friend.

It's ok for him to tell me he is too tired or not in the mood for sex whereas if I say that, I am coaxed, cajoled, worn down till I agree by which time it is usually unenjoyable for me but obviously he gets a nice ending.

He is allowed to shout at me as apparently it will be down to something I have done like try to speak to him at the wrong time. If I raise my voice through frustration at not having my opinion even listened to I am criticised. Apparently it was ok to shout at me the day my dad died and also the day my dog was put to sleep as I annoyed him.

There are many other examples but I won't bore you.

Apparently he never had this "trouble" with his exes.

He can be a cold horrible person sometimes but an absolute charmer at other times. If anyone were to meet him they would find him lovely in public. I find he speaks nicer to people working in shops and restaurants at times compared to how he speaks to me - at times it is so impatient or hostile.

Does anyone else experience this? Is this EA? I am really starting to lose my self-confidence and end up getting stressed and dithery which seems to irritate him further. I have cried every day now for about a fortnight. I am concerned that this is now the "normal treatment" from him for me. Hope this makes sense.

Thank you

Sunshowercap Sun 17-Apr-16 19:19:25

He's rude at the very least, but actually sounds controlling and abusive.

CantAffordtoLive Sun 17-Apr-16 19:23:53

Oh ffs he's a total knob. Don't waste any more if your precious life on him. It worries me that you have to come on here and ask for advice.

picklepie1 Sun 17-Apr-16 19:24:45

Sending hugs.
He's abusive. End of. This is not a normal relationship at all and you shouldn't be treated like this.
You deserve someone who treats you with the respect and dignity you deserve. I hope for your own sake you can come to terms and find someone who will give you these things.
He'll try and charm you but you've got to remind yourself of what he's really like thanks

SoleBizzz Sun 17-Apr-16 19:30:00

Honestly life is too short to water upon a miserable, disrespectful, cold hearted piece of shyte. The longer you stay the more years you waste. What a shame.

AnyFucker Sun 17-Apr-16 19:31:23

Why are you with him ?

He sounds horrible

Costacoffeeplease Sun 17-Apr-16 19:34:12

Why are you still with him, he sounds absolutely vile

averylongtimeago Sun 17-Apr-16 19:34:55

And you are with him, why? What do you get out of this relationship? He has,shown you what he is like, rude and abusive with no concern for your feelings.
You deserve better, dump him, there are kind, considerate, fun men out there, no one who makes you cry every day is worth staying with.

FinallyHere Sun 17-Apr-16 19:35:25

Run. Seriously, just run away.

LaGattaNera Sun 17-Apr-16 19:36:13

Thanks for your advice. I think I have lost my self-confidence and been "grateful". I know that will piss alot of you off - sorry just being honest. I used to be strong and independent and I never thought I would end up in this situation. I lost both my parents and was quite low and think I was grateful for his attention as he was charming at the beginning.

tribpot Sun 17-Apr-16 19:39:08

Sounds like you don't live with him? Thank fuck for that. End this and thank your lucky stars you got away before it got worse.

AnyFucker Sun 17-Apr-16 19:39:18

Other men will give you attention

You don't have to be grateful for the crumbs from an abuser

MoreGilmoreGirls Sun 17-Apr-16 19:39:54

Sweetheart you sound like you need sone help. Losing both your parents is very traumatic and has obviously affected you can you talk to your gp? Get dome counselling? Take done time to sort yourself up and please please get rid of the abusive horrible man. You deserve much much more. flowers

MoreGilmoreGirls Sun 17-Apr-16 19:40:38

Sorry for typos angry

LaGattaNera Sun 17-Apr-16 19:41:21

Thanks again. He is away at the moment so I will sort it out on his return.

DraenorQueen Sun 17-Apr-16 19:41:54

Please don't let him piss all over you like this. He closed your lips and told you to shut up?! UGH! Please, please look after yourself and lose this feeling of "gratitude." flowers

Optimist1 Sun 17-Apr-16 19:41:56

He's not worth your tears. Regain some of your strength and independence by kicking him into touch. Before you know it you'll be self-confident again.

SeaCreature Sun 17-Apr-16 19:49:37

What you've posted sounds scarily like how my ex-husband treated me. Note how he is an 'ex'. My ex lost his temper when I didn't speak to him the right way and eventually he turned violent.

Don't make the same mistake I did and waste years with this twat.

MrsEvadneCake Sun 17-Apr-16 20:13:28

He's had trouble with his exs because he's a knob who treats people badly.

Be as lovely to yourself as you would a good friend. Leave him. You deserve more.

LaGattaNera Sun 17-Apr-16 20:31:18

Thank you for all your replies it really does help. I am going to start looking after myself by having a nice long bath and a glass of wine. Yes we don't live together so won't be messy.

maras2 Sun 17-Apr-16 20:39:33

Holy God! Life's too short for that shit.Get rid of this vile,poor excuse for a man and make sure that you tell friends and relatives just why.I'm still shock at the thought of him actually closing your lips. Wanker !

Leigh1980 Sun 17-Apr-16 20:42:54

One word describes him - Narcissistic

RandomMess Sun 17-Apr-16 20:44:47

Geez I'm glad you are listening. Absolutely run for the hills!!!!!

veryproudvolleyballmum Sun 17-Apr-16 20:47:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff Sun 17-Apr-16 20:49:04

Wow what an arrogant arse. You will be misrable with him


Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now