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Threatened to drag me out of house

(24 Posts)
Suspect Mon 28-Mar-16 18:46:09

After years of putting up with my miserable partner I decided to make a stand today and have told him i no longer wanted to be with him and am moving into the spare room, our 3 kids are all under 5 so moving out on my own, also as I'm a SAHM I can't afford to go just yet. He told me if I move then I can leave, I said i won't be leaving this house. He's told me he is going to drag me out. Is he able to do this? We are not married and house is in his name. Our youngest is only 5 weeks old.

Suspect Mon 28-Mar-16 19:18:48

Anyone?

Lemonblast Mon 28-Mar-16 19:23:02

If he is threatening you, call the police.

HoppingForward Mon 28-Mar-16 19:32:42

That is threatening behaviour. You need to call WA and get some help if your name is not on the deeds there is nothing stopping him locking you and the DC out next time you leVe the house.

Has he threatened you before?

Suspect Mon 28-Mar-16 19:36:55

He will try and keep the kids. Even though he works all day 4 days a week.
No, we've hit a new low tonight. I can't even look at him.

thelonggame Mon 28-Mar-16 19:37:21

you really need to get emergency legal advice.
As pp said, if he threatens you call the police, you need to protect yourself and your children.
Sending you flowers and hope someone is along soon that can advise.

HoppingForward Mon 28-Mar-16 19:42:00

They all threaten to keep the DC but the reality is he isn't going to be able to do that, is he?

Would he have family to help with childcare, do you have family to help you?

What's happened to kick it all off, could you just both cool off and discuss it properly tomorrow?

Suspect Mon 28-Mar-16 19:45:44

I've tried talking to him so many times and it's great for a day, then he falls back into the same shit. Apparently I'm the horrible person. I know I'm not. I know it's him with the problem and I've had to put up with it for so long. If I told you the whole story you would be shocked how I've lasted this long. I guess having kids makes it harder to end.

HoppingForward Mon 28-Mar-16 20:03:32

Having DC does make it very much harder, do you have family you can talk to?

www.womensaid.ie/

pocketsaviour Mon 28-Mar-16 20:11:16

If you're unmarried and the house is in his name then unfortunately you're in a very weak position legally. With three DC to house you would probably qualify for emergency housing though. I'd suggest giving Shelter a call for advice. He cannot make you leave the house without giving you "reasonable" notice, is my understanding, however in reality there is nothing to stop him just changing the locks while you're out sad

Suspect Mon 28-Mar-16 20:19:07

Oh my god I'm such a fool. I feel totally lost. He knows he is holding all the power.

HoppingForward Mon 28-Mar-16 20:49:16

Suspect where are your family?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Mon 28-Mar-16 21:05:17

Do you have any friends or family you can stay with? Or you could apply to the council as a homeless applicant. You have very few rights and it sounds like you need to get you AND the children away from him as soon as possible.

honeyroar Mon 28-Mar-16 21:12:06

Suspect you are not a fool. You've just got to be strong for your children and get help/legal advice as soon as you can.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 28-Mar-16 21:33:41

Please don't panic. While you don't have as many rights in law as you would if you were married, the family courts have the power to make provision for your children which could extend to you being able to remain with them in the home their father owns in his sole name until the youngest attains their majority at age 18.

However, as cases are considered on their individual merits, you are best advised to seek legal advice to find out what steps you can take to secure your position/that of your dc and if you can establish that you have contributed to the mortgage/renovation/outgoings on the property at any time you may have the right to a share of the equity when/if it is sold.

In the meantime please know that if he were to put you out on the street, so to speak, your local authority's housing department will have a statutory duty in law to house you and your dc. Depending on whereabouts you are in the UK, this may initially take the form of emergency accomodation in a b&b or similar and you may have to wait until a permanent council or housing association property can be made available to you.

As ps has suggested, contact Shelter for advice on your entitlement to council/social housing and also find your nearest Women's Aid service here
www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and ask for recommendations for solicitors in your area who specialise in family law and have the necessary expertise to advise with regard to what entitlement you/your dc may have to remain in what is, presumably, the only home they have known -it's possible that you/the dc may be eligible for legal aid in this matter.

It could be that when he gets over himself his strop he'll be in a more reasonable frame of mind and all will be sweetness and light between you but, neverthless, I strongly urge you to seek advice as to you/the dcs' entitlements in law so that you can counter any further attempts on his part to wield power over you.

CantAffordtoLive Mon 28-Mar-16 21:45:07

Sunshine. If you told me the whole story I would not be shocked. sad I was with my ex from 18 years old to over 50. It was not all bad, it just got worse and worse until it was unbearable. We all have our 'last straws'. You need to stay calm, keep the peace and get as much legal advice as you can. Get all your ducks in a row as they say.

I am sure you will be fine. Keep calm, stay cool and focused. There is help for you, and keep posting smile

Marilynsbigsister Mon 28-Mar-16 22:17:13

If you have had children with this man without being married, you are really up shit creak.
Time and again people are told not to do this. However, there is no point in discussing that aspect now. You need to get out !!!

Property wise you have little to no rights.
Get yourself to the housing dept of the council tomorrow morning. Declare yourself homeless and get you and kids registered for Property.

ditherydora Mon 28-Mar-16 22:34:04

Agree with goddess advice above. If you have made financial contributions you might be entitled to some value in the house. Do not leave until you know your rights - unless you are in danger of course.

NotnowNigel Mon 28-Mar-16 22:40:45

Or if you rent privately you will be entitled to housing benefit.

He does NOT have all the power. Any day you like you can walk out. Whether that is to family/friends/emergency accom or to a HA/council property, the fact remains you can leave. Don't let him think otherwise.

Also, they all say that won't let you take the dc but the reality is it would totally change their lives and be hard work (we know how hard) and they don't really mean it when it comes to it.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 28-Mar-16 22:55:11

If you have had children with this man without being married, you are really up shit creak (sic)

As it's necessary to hear all of the facts of the matter before making any pronouncment of doom, or otherwise, your assertion is without foundation, Marilyns,,and making a drama out of the OP's crisis is tantamount to scaremongering which is not helpful to her situation.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 28-Mar-16 23:00:10

It appears that the OP currently has two related threads on this board: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2601983-Sent-me-over-the-edge

CocktailQueen Mon 28-Mar-16 23:05:37

You need to get proper legal advice, not ask on MN. Try the CAB.

mortgagefreesoon5 Tue 29-Mar-16 16:51:56

Good advise above, also take copies of important docs, birth certificates, passports, etc to a friend/family house for when you are ready to leave.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 29-Mar-16 18:08:21

Imo there is no better place for a woman to pose questions about any matter that is of concern to her than this site and, fwiw, I know of no CAB offices in the capital with the expertise to dispense anything more than basic advice in matters of family law nor, to the best of my knowledge, does the CAB take on cases of marriage or cohabitation breakdown.

This organisation's helpline services are greatly oversubscribed which is why I rarely post this link but persistence may result in more than the busy line tone: rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

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